Offering OC help!

[IJoinedForPonies 126]

 

 

Once again I state that any relationship with he princesses is a special one. No matter how well you explain, it wont change the fact that she was targeted by a spell (by the way, why? And what was that spell actually supposed to do?) From an Alicorn princess and later on Celestia took interest in her...and this "birth defect" is not a disadvantage at all--it's completely overcompensated for by all the other things she gains.

 

 

Well that's kind of unfair, there are many ponies that have had a 1 time meeting with the Princesses, how is this any different?

 

The spell that was cast on her when she was born was supposed to allow Nightmare Moon to control her anytime she wants after a certain age. This was a plan to wreak havoc on Equestria without being physically involved, but that obviously back fired, and she never attempted it again because it can be easily countered apparently.

 

That sight isn't perfect though, she can only see so far. Yeah she has preternatural senses, but what real advantage does this give other than "you can't hide or sneak up on me"? 

 

 

 

1. Magically enhanced (even though she's an earth pony) through unexplained unicorn Mumbo jumbo
2. Immune to magic half the time
3.Ackowledged by both princesses 
4. Cursed by a powerful being
5. Has a "handicap" that doesn't actually make her life more difficult
6. Lack of a personality
7. Pointless physical quirk (glowing mane)

 

1. That was explained in the back story.

2. No, resistant, not immune. This was explained in detail.

3. Already covered

4. That's a bad thing? Hmm...

5. Can you imagine trying to sleep with that much senses, let alone be in a crowd? Not being able to see far is pretty difficult to deal with too.

6. WIP

7. Also explained.

 

 

 

Yes, these are bad things, especially together. It's the combination of all these unlikely things that makes her a weak character. I mean, if she hadn't been cursed, who would she be? It's honestly not enough to just ELABORATE on her backstory. It needs to be changed if you want critics to take her seriously. :/ Again, look at the mane six? Who's your favourite pony? And why? Please read over all my advice once more. You know that I'm not the first pony to say harsh things about Essence, so consider for a moment that I might be right.

 

 

Well if she hadn't been cursed, she would be just an ordinary Earth Pony, but where is the fun in that? I get what you mean here, but I am just going to have to accept the fact that people are just going to frown upon the design because she isn't "normal". My favorite pony is Rainbow Dash, and that pony isn't normal either due to her insane speed and things she can do.

 

Overall, I can accept your points of view more easily if I hadn't felt you haven't read the entire profile correctly. Some points were just overly exaggerated and it seems to have influenced your point of view a bit. I want to make sure we are on the same page here before I continue if you know what I mean? :-/

[AmberDust 1,118]

Just gonna spoiler this whole thing to neaten up.

 

 

 

 

 

Well that's kind of unfair, there are many ponies that have had a 1 time meeting with the Princesses, how is this any different?

yes, that's true, but most of these were chance meetings. In Essence's case, she was actually tracked down because a princess took interest in her. This isn't the same as princess Celestia buying an apple from your cart.

The spell that was cast on her when she was born was supposed to allow Nightmare Moon to control her anytime she wants after a certain age. This was a plan to wreak havoc on Equestria without being physically involved, but that obviously back fired, and she never attempted it again because it can be easily countered apparently.

Okay, thanks for explaining that. It doesn't seem like something that would happen in the show, but whatever.

That sight isn't perfect though, she can only see so far. Yeah she has preternatural senses, but what real advantage does this give other than "you can't hide or sneak up on me"?

you actually illustrated in her profile all the things she can do with her super senses + sonar. It is definitely a huge advantage, but the main point I was trying to make is that she may as well not be blind considering her "disability" was more than compensated for. You know what I mean? The whole purpose of seeing is to know where things are, and her sonar and sense of changing air pressure covers that. Not to mention she can actually read print with her hooves. You gave her a disability without actually making life difficult for her. And yeah, there is the possibility of sensory overload, but you gave her a collar for that, too. Basically what I'm saying is that this pony has no struggles she can't easily fix. It's unrealistic.
 

1. That was explained in the back story.
2. No, resistant, not immune. This was explained in detail.
3. Already covered
4. That's a bad thing? Hmm...
5. Can you imagine trying to sleep with that much senses, let alone be in a crowd? Not being able to see far is pretty difficult to deal with too.
6. WIP
7. Also explained.



Well if she hadn't been cursed, she would be just an ordinary Earth Pony, but where is the fun in that? I get what you mean here, but I am just going to have to accept the fact that people are just going to frown upon the design because she isn't "normal". My favorite pony is Rainbow Dash, and that pony isn't normal either due to her insane speed and things she can do.

Okay, listen please. No matter how much you explain or elaborate on these things (in the list), it doesn't change these facts that I've presented. I realize that you never considered these all "red flags", but you have to look at it from a canon standpoint. If this character is to live in the world of Equestria, she needs to follow the rules. Her backstory is just too high-fantasy to work. Youre attaching a very negative connotation to the word "normal", but when we critics say "normal", what we really mean os more comprable to "possible", "probable", or "suitable". In that sense, Rainbow Dash IS normal. yeah, she's a ridiculously skilled athlete, but she's still a realistic Character because she has character flaws and she isnt successful at everything she does.
You're trying to make Essence too important and too special to the point where nobody can relate to her. @Silverwisp the Bard used the term "special snowflake", and I have to agree. Are you familiar with the term? Or the concept of Mary Sues? (I'm not saying your character is a Mary Sue, I'm just wondering how much you know about tropes and stuff don't worry.)

Overall, I can accept your points of view more easily if I hadn't felt you haven't read the entire profile correctly. Some points were just overly exaggerated and it seems to have influenced your point of view a bit. I want to make sure we are on the same page here before I continue if you know what I mean? :-/

Oh, that's what this is about! Dot worry, I've read her profile many times. I was only exaggerating to try and get my point across since it didn't work the first time. I was trying to convince you.

It looks to me, however, that you came here for advice but aren't really willing to change your character...is that true?
Like it feels like you're trying to prove to me she's a good character instead of listening to my long blocks of text and taking my advice. but seriously...
You say you see my point, but you try to refute them all anyways. I understand that you're probably pretty proud of this character, but maybe you can save her for later. Test your skills a bit and see if you can make a likeable non-superpowered character, then revisit Essence.
Again, a character doesn't have to be important, or be a physical anomaly, or be super successful to be a good, interesting, and likeable character. In fact, I see characters like Essence a lot, and I think you, as a writer, are capable of more than this.

 

 

Edited December 4, 2014 by AmberDust

[IJoinedForPonies 126]

 

 

It looks to me, however, that you came here for advice but aren't really willing to change your character...is that true?

 

I got the advice I needed, thanks for the input. :-)

 

Some things will change, but not everything. The not likable things are most likely going to stay, and I will have to live with the negativity of critics about it. 

 

I will have to attempt another OC that fits the requirements at a later date.

[AmberDust 1,118]

I got the advice I needed, thanks for the input. :-)

 

Some things will change, but not everything. The not likable things are most likely going to stay, and I will have to live with the negativity of critics about it.

 

I will have to attempt another OC that fits the requirements at a later date.

"Requirements" is a loose term when it comes to things like this. But yeah, I'd like to look over this character again once she has a fully developed personality! Hopefully she'll become more relatable--because there's really nothing special about someone who was handed all these qualities at birth. Give her some struggles so her achievements have meaning. Who knows, maybe you'll end up changing the backstory once you figure out her personality.

Lastly here's something I forgot to ask you: why did to make this character? Roleplay? A fanfic?

 

Oh, and also, would you contribute to the poll I mentioned in my original post?

Edited November 23, 2014 by AmberDust

[IJoinedForPonies 126]

I made her for fun, I came up with her concept in about less than an hour.

[AmberDust 1,118]

I made her for fun, I came up with her concept in about less than an hour.

Okay, I guess that kind of explains it...because this character would be very difficult in roleplay. ^^

Contact me once you develop her personality a bit.

[DormantAccount 308]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dexterous-wings-aka-dexxy-r7337

 

I think his special ability is well counterbalanced and not overpowered. I think his backstory is very believable. I worry that his personality is a little underdeveloped. The picture is more for OC artists, which I should probably find and get to make a nice upright version of. My avatar is about what I intended with maybe some slightly longer legs. 

[AmberDust 1,118]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dexterous-wings-aka-dexxy-r7337

 

I think his special ability is well counterbalanced and not overpowered. I think his backstory is very believable. I worry that his personality is a little underdeveloped. The picture is more for OC artists, which I should probably find and get to make a nice upright version of. My avatar is about what I intended with maybe some slightly longer legs.

Alright! I'll try and critique this in the structure the profile is presented in!

 

 

 

Appearance:

I'm not really a fan of pony maker for OCs, but that's unfair of me because I like to draw and, well...you might not. ^^' Anyways, I like the look of this pony. The overall scheme is too dark to be in the show, but it looks nice and isn't too saturated or hard on the eyes. (Nice!)

Afterthought: while reading his personality, I imagined a blue Pegasus, like Soarin. Something lighter, paler...the eyes stayed the same though. Jut a thought.

 

Cutie mark:

The cutie mark on the pic looks a little awkward, but again, that's for reasons outside of your control, I imagine. I like the idea of it, and the talent associated is pretty cool too. Incredible yet believable. What I'd like to know is, how did he get his mark? it's always nice to have a little extra story for that.

 

Personality:

His personality is admirable, relatable, but a little brief. It sounds like you were describing yourself, but didn't go very far into it because you didn't want him to be exactly like you or something. (Does that make sense?)

I suggest fleshing him out a bit. Tell us what makes him tick. What you've got so far is like a general disposition. It can describe a lot of people, myself included. I'd try imagining/writing him into different situations and figure out how he'd react to them. It'd help show things that go beyond surface appearance...like, for example, does he work well under pressure? Does he act differently around certain types if people? Is he optimistic? Energetic? Passive? Nervous? Book smart? Awkward? What are his interests, and what kind of things does he think about when he's alone in the sky? Stuff like that will help flesh him out. Also, if he were to wield an Element of Harmony/Element of Discord, what would it be? Basically, you've got a good start for his personality and just need to get to know him a little more.

Oh, but one thing I noticed is that you said he was an introvert and didn't really like talking to others...But I imagine his job would require him to be sociable and able to calm people down though, right? Would he be able to act comforting if he needs to?

 

Backstory:

Aah, there's the cutie mark story. I like it! I guess he'd make a fine element of loyalty (or patience) after searching for his friend for so long. It makes me wonder how his friend got so terribly lost though. Was his friend an earth pony/unicorn?

I like the little part about his relationship with his family. It feels very real, as though it's from personal experience. It's nice to see a pony that didn't have some terrible ridiculous trauma in their life (instead replaced with the relatable and temporary trauma of almost losing his friend). This story will become more interesting once his personality's more fleshed out.

 

Other:

The part about him having sub-par maneuverability in the air seems to oppose his talent, don't you think? Somepony who's destined to be a search-and-rescuer should be good at making his way through tough spots like caves and canyons.

I like how you added a hobby that's partly related to his talent. It's a nice touch. Overall, this pony seems very likeable, but we both need to get to know him better.

 

 

One last comment I chose to put at the end because I didn't want to begin on a sour note. I...I really don't like his name. "Dexterous" doesn't really flow off the tongue, and "Dexxy" seems like a preteen girl's nickname to me (especially with that superfluous "x" that isn't present in his real name). Also, the name doesn't seem to suit him. I realize it's also your username, so you're probably attached to it, but I personally don't like it. If you're willing to change it, I'd suggest the first word be something that suits his personality, instead of having his name be one big physical description. Or maybe you can attach his name to his talent, referring to his hawk eyes or his patience and steadiness. If I come up with something specific I'll tell you.

 

 

Overall, I'd say this is a pretty solid OC. His personality definitely needs fleshing out, but otherwise he's well rounded. His backstory is believable and interesting, and his talent is (in my opinion) refreshing. His appearance is easy on the eyes and isn't too far from fitting into canon, and the extra parts you added are good to know. Again, the name threw me off and honestly gave me a first impression of "Ugh, I don't think I'll like this pony" (although your body-pillow avatar contributed a lot to that impression, too). Turns out I DID like him, but first impressions are very important, especially to a writer.

 

 

Edited December 2, 2014 by AmberDust

[DormantAccount 308]

I never said he didn't like talking to people. I think you misunderstand what it means to be an introvert. It isn't that you dislike being around others, but about your social energy. If you gain energy from being around others and are drained by being alone you are an extrovert. If you are drained by interacting with others, but are recharged by time alone you are an introvert. Introverts aren't misanthropes, they just need some alone time after being social. On a person to person basis it doesn't really affect his job since he isn't dealing with a party or anything. One on one he would be indistinguishable from an extrovert for the most part.

 

I'm thinking of shortening it to Dex. It might even work into his backstory that his parents gave him a mouthful of a name and everyone just ended up calling him Dex. His sister was luckier name wise.

 

The maneuverability is more or less saying that he isn't Dash zipping around. He's not incapable of moving in canyons, but that he moves slow enough that he doesn't need to be.

[Tao 7,756]

May as well see what happens:

 

Tao: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/tao-lulamoon-r7067

[AmberDust 1,118]

I never said he didn't like talking to people. I think you misunderstand what it means to be an introvert. It isn't that you dislike being around others, but about your social energy. If you gain energy from being around others and are drained by being alone you are an extrovert. If you are drained by interacting with others, but are recharged by time alone you are an introvert. Introverts aren't misanthropes, they just need some alone time after being social. On a person to person basis it doesn't really affect his job since he isn't dealing with a party or anything. One on one he would be indistinguishable from an extrovert for the most part.

 

I'm thinking of shortening it to Dex. It might even work into his backstory that his parents gave him a mouthful of a name and everyone just ended up calling him Dex. His sister was luckier name wise.

 

The maneuverability is more or less saying that he isn't Dash zipping around. He's not incapable of moving in canyons, but that he moves slow enough that he doesn't need to be.

Haha forgive me. For some reason when I read "introvert" (which I do know the meaning of btw) I think "antisocial", since a lot of people tend to connect these two.

Thinking of shortening his name, eh? I guess that could work. Although, again, I don't think dexterity had anything to do with him. But that's up to you!

What's his sisters name?

[DormantAccount 308]

No biggie, common thing.

 

Not his name, just his nickname. I was thinking about all the little adjustments that wings have to make to maintain steady flight. The ability to easily move in a way that is graceful is a definition of dexterity. Thus, Dexterous.

 

Haven't really decided on a name for her yet, but because of the area maybe Prairie Sage or something.

Edited December 2, 2014 by DexterousWings

[AmberDust 1,118]

May as well see what happens:

 

Tao: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/tao-lulamoon-r7067

 

Alright, Tao, you're up.

Before I say anything about your character I'm going to say you should really consider editing the spelling and grammar on this profile...some of it is incomprehensible. ^^" Like the last sentence of the "cutie mark" section: "This stallion never gets lost and finds his way out of any and also for his friends."  ...What?

But I'll work my way around it. Let's get started!

 

 

 appearance: Props to whoever draw this! Not only are the colours nice and harmonious, but the vector itself is very pleasing to the eye. He doesn't look tall in the picture, but whatever. I like it.

I also admire that he's an Earth pony, even though he's a descendant of Unicorns. I guess that gives him a deeper connection with the earth, which explains his talent. Nice.

cutie mark: So he's based on Taoism? That's very interesting. I like the look of the cutie mark, but the talent it entails seems a little bit general. Like, it represents his position in life (going with the flow) but also means he can find real physical paths?

Also, how did he get this cutie mark? It's a good thing to include.

Personality: An explorer--that's cool, I like it...it's a personal bias of mine. Empathy is good, methodical...I'm liking him more and more as I read.

The part about him getting depressed seems to counteract his "talent" for going with the flow, don't you think? I figured he'd be a guy with inner peace and a good knowledge of self. But... he only gets depressed in he's under a lot of stress...? ("if hit with too many winds at once"?) Is that what you're trying to say?

 

I'd like to know a little more about his personality. We know he's outgoing, adaptable, empathetic, curious, and methodical...these are great, by the way. What I wonder is how he acts around others, like, his general disposition. What you've described are very personal aspects, but I want to know what the big picture looks like, too. How do others treat him? How does he treat others? etc.

(I feel like the advice I'm giving you is the opposite of the advice I gave regarding his pony's personality lol.) u_u'

 

Backstory: Gasp! He's a bastard child! That's interesting. I guess that explians why he's an Earth Pony (although any type of mare can give birth to any other type of pony in canon, I think, so long as one of their relatives, no matter how distant, was that type. Like genes, I guess.) 

Nobility is cool, and I like the idea of there being a clan of pureblood unicorns. It seems very...renaissance. Very mythological. I also like the name of his mother, and his relations with his clan and his family.

Oh. He's related to Trixie? I really wan't expecting that. Hm.

At first I didn't like it, but the more I think about it the more I'm able to accept that Trixie acts pretty eccentric and superior, and could have been raised by nobility...but I'm pretty sure it was all just an act...I dunno. It doesn't really seem to suit Trixie, to be honest. :/ She seems to much like a fraud to ACTUALLY be related to nobles. You know?

That part about him having a bright mind and a love for history should be included in the "personality" section, too, I think. 

Again, I'm biased about this whole "searching for lost mysteries and civilizations" thing because my Oc does some of that, too. But I guess I have to say I like this backstory. I'd like to know more about his family life, though. It seems like he'd have had struggles.

 

Other: So, is trixie his OLDER sibling or his YOUNGER sibling? You changed it...

As for his skills, some of them seem to counter his upbrining/personality. Like fighting, and smithing. When and why would he have learnt those? Herbalism is undertsandable, though, since he probably spent a lot of time in these paths, discovering plants and such. idk.

 

Overall I like this character. I feel like I'm sort of biased towards liking him, but there's not much I can do about that. I still have some suggestions for you though to help round out your character.

Work on his personality a bit. His backstory doesn't exactly match it, to be honest...he seems like a very relaxed pony, but he grew up surrounded by people who shunned him. :/ Maybe add a bit regarding his personali struggles, because it feels like he'd have some, regarding his clan.

Some of his talents don't really fit in with his story, either. Just a few inconsistencies that could use clarification/elimination.

His realtion to Trixie bothers me a bit. Not just because you're trying to tie him in with a canon character, but because Trixie specifically doesn't seem to fit into the environment Tao grew up in. She seems...too fake to be a real noble. and if she WAS a real noble, she probably wouldn't be a travelling magician. Do you now what I mean?

My biggest complaint by far though is the fact that this whole thing was so hard to understand. I really think you should read it over and edit it in terms of typos, grammar, and punctuation. ^^' People are more likely to stop reading if they don't understand, after all.

 

 

Edited December 2, 2014 by AmberDust

[Tao 7,756]

 

 

His realtion to Trixie bothers me a bit.

 

Thanks Amber, I planned on going back on re doing, I just wanted to

have a diff view a bit!

 

So could you do North for me?  She's Tao's best friend: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/north-r7070

[Fractured 2,684]

Could you take a look at my OC? Names' Vera Alithea

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/vera-alithea-r7486

[AmberDust 1,118]

Could you take a look at my OC? Names' Vera Alithea

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/vera-alithea-r7486

 

You're up, Vera! (Love that name btw. for humans, at least. )

 

 

Name: Although it sounds nice, it doesn't really seem suitable for a pony. By the way, did you see 's comment on vera's profile regarding her name? You might find it helpful.

 

Appearance: Her appearance is nice. A little plain, but pretty harmonious overall (although her eyes might be a little too bright).

I personally dislike the Pony Maker since it limits your imagination, (and since I see the same manes and tails over and over,) but if you don't like to draw, I guess there's not much you can do. :/ I do hope you'll at least consider drawing her yourself and giving her appearance your own personal touch.

Oh! It looks like you gave her cloven hooves. Why's that?

 

Cutie mark: What does it mean? How did she get it? Does it realte to a talent? A hobby? I can't really say much about it without knowing these things.

 

Personality: Her personality is incomplete, but its a good start. The fact that she's a lisetener and is somepony who values the truth is nice, and I like how you included her fears. I'd like to know more about her, though. (I feel like i say that a lot if you check my other critiques.) Is she...optimistic? Energetic? Open-minded? Shy? Angry? Does she have hobbies or aspirations? It'd be nice if you elaborated on her personality to figure out how she'd act in groups, on her own, or in different situations.

 

Backstory: I like her job, its interesting. It's not really a backstory, but it's a cool idea. You could definitely afford to include more than just that, though. I still don't really know much about her life or where she came from. Does she have any childhood friends? Family members that inspired her? Events in her past that made her the way she is? Basically, it just needs more substance. More information. This feels more like a facebook profile than a character profile. Feel free to share more! The more layered her personality is, the better--and nothing develops personality like a backstory! 

 

Other: Your name, as a matter of fact, does NOT mean "the truth in the light". Both "Vera" and "Alithea" mean truth, but in different laguages...sorry. ^^"

She can detect lies? That's an interesting ability. However, saying it was a "magical imbalance" that caused it is pretty lazy. The horn spiraling thing doesn't really make sense, either. I suggest you get rid of that part. Unicorns don't need some silly reason or excuse to have magical senses. Maybe THAT can be her special talent.

...

Oh my. changing memories? Destroying memories? That seems a little... excessive to me, not to mention ironic (considering she's all about the truth) ...and as far as I can tell, this superpower isn't even related to her "special talent" (i.e. her cutie mark).

It's nice that you counterbalanced it with the physical sickness it causes her, but, well...I'll talk more about this later.**

Also you added a meeting (and a secret) with Celestia, and another unexplained magical surge that gave her a special power...again.

hm.

Okay, here's the problem area. You're trying to make her special by including things like a compromised birth, a physical quirk (the horn), a secret with the Princess, and a potentially mind-destroying ability (that she's too good-natured to use). You even slipped in a comparison to a god. Although these aspects might seem cool, and you might think they make her interesting...well...

Physical specialness is no replacement for personality.** :/ Do you know what I mean? All the "special" things about this character was spoon-fed to her. None of them are really achieved, so this character is hard to relate to and hard to sypathize with.

I believe the most important aspect of a character is their personality, and that it should definitely come before physical specicalness in terms of importance. 

Now, I'm not saying you need her to be completely "normal" to be a good character, I'm just saying that her personality needs to be developed more. You'll find that if a character has a full personality, they don't need all these other quirks to be interesting and likable. I mean, just think about how unlikely this whole thing is, too. I mean, what are the odds all these things would happen to ONE pony? Not very high. And you dontt really have good explanations for them happening, either.

 

Diagnosis:

 

I suggest you work on her personality a bit more by putting her in different types of situations and figuring out how she'd react. And work more on her life story to figure out what made her who she is today.

Try to reconsider these abilites of hers. Your character is riding close towards Special Snowflake territory, but with some adjustments you'll be back in the safe zone. It all depends, really, on what you're using this character for. A story? Roleplay? Or did you make her her for the fun of it?

 

A character should seem real (personality-wise) and have relatable problems if you want people to like her. Don't make her overpowered, and try to keep her abilities and such within the realm of canon.  A good character is a balanced character, after all.

 

 

 

 

Was I helpful? If you still need advice, please ask. And if you do change anything about your character, I'd like to know.

Edited December 4, 2014 by AmberDust

[Fractured 2,684]

*snip*

 

Oh gawd, she's a Mary Sue!   

 

Wow... very painful to read. I tried to make her balanced in all aspects, and ended up making a Bella. You've killed my life goals... my aspirations. It's all meaningless...

 

Kidding!  It's funny, I should know this; the worst characters are the ones who end up recieving the action instead of creating it. I still ended up making one though; I guess knowing and doing are two different ballgames.    Still, it's much better to know about these things than trip figure it out when I can't correct it, say, mid roleplay. Now that I know what needs to be changed, I can build a better pony.   

 

Honestly, though, I can't tell you why she has cloven hooves...

Edited December 4, 2014 by Shimmer5000

[AmberDust 1,118]

 

Oh gawd, she's a Mary Sue!   

 

Wow... very painful to read. I tried to make her balanced in all aspects, and ended up making a Bella. You've killed my life goals... my aspirations. It's all meaningless...

 

Kidding!  It's funny, I should know this; the worst characters are the ones who end up recieving the action instead of creating it. I still ended up making one though; I guess knowing and doing are two different ballgames.    Still, it's much better to know about these things than trip figure it out when I can't correct it, say, mid roleplay. Now that I know what needs to be changed, I can build a better pony.   

 

Honestly, though, I can't tell you why she has cloven hooves...

 

Ha ha you worried me for a second there. Just know that your character isn't bad, just incomplete. I can help you with fixing her up, if you want. Not that I'm an expert.

(and don't worry, she's not quite a Bella. lol)

 

 

..."the worst characters are the ones who end up recieving the action instead of creating it." That's a really good way of putting it. I really like that.

Edited December 4, 2014 by AmberDust

[Fractured 2,684]

Ha ha you worried me for a second there. Just know that your character isn't bad, just incomplete. I can help you with fixing her up, if you want. Not that I'm an expert.

(and don't worry, she's not quite a Bella. lol)

 

 

..."the worst characters are the ones who end up recieving the action instead of creating it." That's a really good way of putting it. I really like that.

Yeah, it's the main difference between someone like Diamond Tiara and someone like Twilight. Twilight has a well enough defined personality that she can move against the plot and make her own action. Diamond Tiara's basically chained to it; it kinda just carries her with it regardless of her actual interests, personality, etc. She just kinda "is" and "does" things; need something special, add another "is".

 

Basically, if you can say it feels like your character was blessed or cursed by a god/ goddess without a trace of irony, it's a pretty good indicator you Mary Sue'd up.

 

Also, yes, help is appreciated.   Before that though, do you think you could help me with something special? There's another character that needs a lot more help than Vera.

Edited December 4, 2014 by Shimmer5000

[AmberDust 1,118]

Yeah, it's the main difference between someone like Diamond Tiara and someone like Twilight. Twilight has a well enough defined personality that she can move against the plot and make her own action. Diamond Tiara's basically chained to it; it kinda just carries her with it regardless of her actual interests, personality, etc. She just kinda "is" and "does" things; need something special, add another "is".

 

Basically, if you can say it feels like your character was blessed or cursed by a god/ goddess without a trace of irony, it's a pretty good indicator you Mary Sue'd up.

 

Also, yes, help is appreciated.   Before that though, do you think you could help me with something special? There's another character that needs a lot more help than Vera.

 

Sure thing--I'll see if I can help tomorrow.

[Fractured 2,684]

Sure thing--I'll see if I can help tomorrow.

Would it be better if I PM'd you?

[AmberDust 1,118]

Would it be better if I PM'd you?

Sure, go ahead. Whatever's easiest for you.

[AmberDust 1,118]

I've seen some members requesting help lately, so I'm just gonna bump this back up. Please read the ENTIRE original post if you want help.

[SilverStarApple 849]

I'd like to see what you think of my current OC, Silver Star. http://silverstarapple.deviantart.com/art/Silver-Star-474325759

 

Please PM the review to me, making it private.

[AmberDust 1,118]

I'd like to see what you think of my current OC, Silver Star. http://silverstarapple.deviantart.com/art/Silver-Star-474325759

 

Please PM the review to me, making it private.

Sure thing. Just out of curiosity, did you read my entire original post? If not, please do so now. There's something I need help with.