Dark Mist needs a rewritten backstory (any help is appreciated)

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

 

Dark Mist is a unicorn mare, she was born in a village at the foot of the Filly Mountains. As a filly she was playful, shy and sometimes adventurous. Starlight was her mentor at one time and now is taught magic by Princess Luna herself. 

 

Through Luna, Dark Mist learns to control fire, water and earth magic; three of the six elements. But to teach her anymore would not benefit Dark Mist any more than her dark magic can. But as time passes, she grows up and becomes a fine student, but that evaporates when she comes into contact with the very darkness she fears within herself.

 

Celestia and Luna put her through three trials, each testing her willpower and to see if she retains any memories of what happened to her. If she remembered anything, her magic was to be sealed away; this is the only way to prevent her from becoming corrupted by the magic she possesses.

 

But learning the truth, Dark Mist becomes unreasonable and takes her revenge upon those who let those experiments happen, but she is later banished to the dream realm, where she is in a dream like state; this keeps Luna busy as she tries to find a way to bring Dark Mist back to her normal self again.

 

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That's all i can come up with for a backstory, but if you guys have any ideas that might help, then fire away. I'll accept any form of criticism you have; but please try to be as brutally honest as possible, its makes me upset when someone holds back on me.

[XxPegasisterxX 105]

This is amazing!! at first I thought ugh another overpowered pony, but this is really good! Don't change anything darling

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

This is amazing!! at first I thought ugh another overpowered pony, but this is really good! Don't change anything darling

The truth about her is that she was an experimental subject in Canterlot, but the memories of those events are erased by Luna and she is sent to that village to live a normal life. But there was some doubt if they had completely got tall the memories, so Starlight was to act on their orders if dark Mist exhibits any recovery of those memories. But Its Rosa Thorns who gives her the documents that she herself had written on Dark Mist. Rosa never tells her that it was she who did the experiments on her n the first place; Rosa fears what might be done if she found out.

 

What i mean is:

 

Dark Magic has the side effect of corrupting those who use it, so they wanted to find a way to be able to use t without suffering those side effects. But that ultimately fails after dark Mist exhibits the corruption, the terminates the project for good.

Edited February 19, 2015 by Candy Star

[Fallen Valkyrie 525]

Backstory is great(beter than anny one of my) but i think end is litle.....how do i put it....bad for my taste(i got bad taste so dont think about this too much  ) i wouldn't end is like that i would go something like that she is trying to escape dream and wit evry try,dream spell is going weaker and weaker.Or something like she is banished in that cristal main under Canterlot.I would give her stil power to fight back not just she is defeated until her sanity comes back.
And again i got relly bad taste so dont think too much about this i just whanted to give you some ideas.

ps
love your Dark Mist look

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Backstory is great(beter than anny one of my) but i think end is litle.....how do i put it....bad for my taste(i got bad taste so dont think about this too much  ) i wouldn't end is like that i would go something like that she is trying to escape dream and wit evry try,dream spell is going weaker and weaker.Or something like she is banished in that cristal main under Canterlot.I would give her stil power to fight back not just she is defeated until her sanity comes back.

And again i got relly bad taste so dont think too much about this i just whanted to give you some ideas.

 

ps

love your Dark Mist look

I love the ideas people give, if it helps i'll take it. Dark Mist was done by AmberDust, a good friend and quite the artist.

Except she forgot the collar she wears, its black with an emerald gem in the center. This was a gift from Rosa, a sign of their lasting friendship.

Edited February 19, 2015 by Candy Star

[Dulset Tarn 441]

I strongly recommend you remove the princesses entirely from the story, their inclusion and actions really make no sense.

Also Filly Mountains sounds kind of silly in my opinion. How about a village called Filly Hill at the foot of a mountain?

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

I strongly recommend you remove the princesses entirely from the story, their inclusion and actions really make no sense.

Also Filly Mountains sounds kind of silly in my opinion. How about a village called Filly Hill at the foot of a mountain?

 

 

 

The filly mountains were part of the map, but that wasn't the name of the village, i just had a hard time coming up with a name for the village itself.

Edited February 20, 2015 by Candy Star

[Dulset Tarn 441]

The filly mountains were part of the map, but that wasn't the name of the village, i just had a hard time coming up with a name for the village itself.

I stand by my suggestion.

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

I stand by my suggestion.

I'll change the name, but the mountains were named that, i didn't choose it. I never said your suggestion was a bad one.