Need help with Rosemary!

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

Name: Rosemary

 

Age: 15

 

Gender: Female

 

Species: Earth Pony

 

Cutie Mark: Two rosemary sprigs surrounding a heart, which means she is a herbalist and a healer.

 

 

Personality

 

Rosemary survives by drifting from city to town, only buying the provisions she needs and leaving as quickly as she arrives. Rosemary's fighting style focuses on the defensive, where she never fights back and lets her foe tire themselves out; then strikes back, leaving them unconscious. Rosemary is also a very clever when it comes to herbs and medicine, she can identify most plants. She creates healing salves and will improvise when the situation calls for it. Rosemary does help others, often the ponies who she finds on her travels. She is somewhat clumsy and tends to avoid danger if possible.

 

 

Backstory

 

Rosemary is an earth pony mare, she was born in Vanhoover. Her whole family trained themselves to be fighters, but Rosemary was unwilling at first, but once they showed her it was meant to help defend herself, she agrees to undergo the training regiment. Rosemary has trained for five years and is quite capable of handling herself. Living on her own has given her time to train more on her defensive and offensive styles, If you were to ask her parents, they would say she could take a pony down before they could even blink. But Rosemary's kindness towards others holds back from her full potential as a fighter. 

 

 

Other

 

Rosemary's self defense fighting style is similar to that of "Kajukenbo". Kajukenbo is an American Hybrid Martial Art.The name Kajukenbo comes from the original arts of which it was composed: KA for Karate, JU for Judo and Jujitsu, KEN for Kenpo and BO for both Western and Chinese Boxing (Chuan Fa Kung Fu). Kajukenbo training incorporates a blend of Striking, Kicking, Throwing, Takedowns, Joint Locks and weapon disarmament. A driving principle behind Kajukenbo is transitioning smoothly from one specialty into the next to create an optimal response to any situation.

 

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I can't think of anything else to add to it, people think its good. But i want to know if anyone can give a good critique of her character overall. And please do not hold back on me, its upsetting to think people don't go all out on their feedback.

Edited March 13, 2015 by Candy Star

[JonasDarkmane 19,785]

I assume that she gets the money she needs to buy provisions for herself by offering medical service to other ponies? 

And how is she clumsy/in what way is she clumsy?

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

I assume that she gets the money she needs to buy provisions for herself by offering medical service to other ponies? 

And how is she clumsy/in what way is she clumsy?

Yes, she does. She travels alone and often finds those who need help in cities or towns. 

She is clumsy in her fighting style, but hr kindness tends to be the major factor.

Edited March 13, 2015 by Candy Star

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

Overall I like the character, I think maybe when she was younger she would of joined in on the family tradition of fighting. But when she was training she severely injured one of her sparring partners, which could of been the turning point for her attitude to be as nice as possible. Which could be a reason why she will not go all out ever again otherwise she may gravely injure another pony. The situation gives a little bit more depth to her character as a whole.

 

Although I know what it's like to not want to change a character when you already build them

 

Which actually that type of character depth is similar to a Pegasus of mine. The leaving family trade behind to pursue something else.

Edited March 13, 2015 by Chip Circuit

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

Overall I like the character, I think maybe when she was younger she would of joined in on the family tradition of fighting. But when she was training she severely injured one of her sparring partners, which could of been the turning point for her attitude to be as nice as possible. Which could be a reason why she will not go all out ever again otherwise she may gravely injure another pony. The situation gives a little bit more depth to her character as a whole.

I like that idea, thank you, Chip! 

[Chip Circuit 1,842]

I like that idea, thank you, Chip!

Glad you like it I always like helping with stories and OC'S.

 

If you ever need more ideas or help feel free to PM me

Edited March 13, 2015 by Chip Circuit