sad Luna's Brother (Feedback Please :3)

[Mystic Dusk 39]

Here's the story of my OC Mystic Dusk (picture of him is my profile picture):

 

When he was a little filly, he didn't know what was happening around him. His big sister Luna was just casting spells and Mystic Corona (Dusk) was a troublemaker. One night Luna was casting spells, untill she noticed a little part of the book. It was full of "moon magic" as Corona called it, when Luna invited Corona to see the spells. Corona didn't care that much, since he didn't even know any spells. She casted some of the spells like the one that made the moon disappear, and the one that made it wider. Then Corona went to sleep to his room because he was tired. Luna was kind of disappointed of what the moon spells did. They did not impress her a little. Then she saw a spell, a spell that promised a "full year of darkness". I didn't know she was evil in any way at that time. The "full year of darkness" spell required an innocent soul sent to the moon. Luna casted the spell, not knowing that it accutally affected one of the relatives of the caster. After she casted the spell, she read that the spell affects on the next dusk. Then Luna went to bed and slept till morning. Luna and Corona (Dusk) woke up, and it was going to be a bright day... Well the last day of this year at least. Corona and Luna went outside to fly a kite. Luna wanted to race with Corona, but he wasn't an alicorn. "Why can't I be an alicorn aswell Luna?" Corona asked. "You were born as an unicorn, there's nothing to do about it... Well there is one or two ways to make you an alicorn, but let's not discuss it now" Luna answered. It was getting dark, so it was a good time to play hide and seek. "Rock, paper, scissors, rock, paper, scissors... Luna, you lost, so you seek first". Corona hid behind a rock, and Luna went seeking. Luna was searching for Corona everywhere, and she couldn't find him. She tried to scream "Game over, come out wherever you are", but no answer. She searched behind a tree, she searched behind a rock, she couldn't find him. She totally lost her brother, so she had to go tell to her parents. She ran inside their home and told her parents what happened. They all went searching for Corona, but nothing was found. Then Luna remembered the spell she casted. "Oh no.. Could it be.....COULD IT SERIOUSLY BE?!?!) Luna told about the spell to her parents, and her parents went nuts. "ARE YOU SERIOUS NOW YOUNG LADY? YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR BOY TO BE STUCK ON THE MOON??? YOU ARE GROUNDED IN YOUR ROOM FOR 3 YEARS, HOMESCHOOLED AND WE PUT A HOLE ON YOUR DOOR TO GIVE YOU FOOD AND DRINK, ALL THAT TIME TRYING TO GET YOUR BROTHER BACK!". She went crying to her room. She was trying to figure out how can her brother get food or drink or breathe on the moon. She had lots of time to figure it out though, so she started now. Corona was very confused for suddenly warping on the moon, he thought it was a dream at first. He had no hard feelings at that age, so he just explored the moon like he would normally do. He walked, walked and walked, and he didn't find anything. Then he walked more and something didn't let him walk more. So he turned around and walked again, untill he hit a weird invisible wall again. He switched directions, but every corner would just block him from continuing walking. Then he realised that it might be a big ball (sphere) around him. He started crying, because he wanted to get out of the ball. He tried to do something with his horn, but he didn't know any spells. He was trying to think of an explanation of what happened for hours, then he was getting hungry. To his suprise, he got what he needed. He got a plate full of food. Then after eating, he was getting thirsty. Then suddenly a glass of water appeared in front of him. When he was done eating and drinking, the plate and the glass disappeared. Then he was tired... Well you already get the idea... After couple of days, Corona was getting bored of the same habits. He wanted someone to play with, someone to chat with, and someone who would love, like parents would. Believe it or not, he wanted to get education. He accutally wanted to learn new spells and all that boring school stuff, because he thought those things might help him get out, and get back to Equestria, where his family is. So his wishes came true, suddenly a classroom appeared in front of him. There was no pupils, just him and the teacher. After months and months of studying he became more educated, and even grew up a little. He was reading through schoolbooks, but couldn't find anything regarding of a way out of the "ball", or the moon in general. Then he had an idea! He wished for a rocket! But for some reason, the wish didn't become granted. He tried to wish for anything that could fly, but nothing worked. He wished for a library to read more advanced magic books, then suddenly a library appeared in front of him. He scrolled through flying magic books, untill he saw an "Alicorn" spell. The spell wasn't easy to cast though. He tried the spell for days and days, it didn't work. But then he looked a little closer to the text and he saw that he had ignored a step. So he tried to do it perfectly this time, and it worked! He was SUPER happy for finally getting the spell to work! He immidietly tried to fly, but he fell because he didn't accutally know how to fly yet. He wished for a flying school, and he got it. He trained for days just to get his hooves off the ground. After he did, he trained flying through obstacles, and raced the teacher. The funny thing was that these ponies I wished to appear, they don't talk at all. They have pale faces and they just do what they should do. But when I finally learned how to fly, the flying school disappeared and I flied like a storm to the top to get back to the earth. Suddenly I hear a whisper in my ear: "You passed the test which the caster of this spell never believed you would pass". Corona: "Wait, the CASTER? Do you mean someone got me here IN PURPOSE??"...no answer. Corona flied back to the earth super fast. In Equestria, he flied back to his home. His face was fire red, when he saw his sister. "I KNOW MOM AND DAD WOULD NEVER WARP AND TRAP ME ON THE MOON!!!" He screamed. "I...i...I'm sorry" she answered. Corona flied away.... Far away. He's out there somewhere, no one just knows where. He might be hidden somewhere deep in the woods, or just out of sight of other ponies.

 

After days were gone, Luna wanted to make a memorial event. Luna: "In memory of Mystic Corona:

~The mystical dusk that took my brother away, may from this day be his official name~"

 

<THE END>

 

@Mystic_Dusk all rights reserved

Edited April 18, 2015 by Mystic Dusk

[BurningEmber 38]

First small note I can see just from a glance, you need to space it out a bit! One chunk makes it seem like a paragraph, adding gaps makes it more like a story! But from the first bit I've read, seems good,

[twilightfan28 52]

I love it.. part 2? it would be nice and i would read