critique wanted Faith Dragon Music does Music Stuff

[FaithDragon 49]

Heya all, been working on a few Pony related tunes, and I thought I'd like to share them with you all to see what you think.

 

Just as a heads up, my music is classes as Metalcore/Electronicore, and as such, is very heavy, and contains quite a bit of screamed vocals. Think PrinceWhateverer kind of music.

 

Deranged (First song): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMyLF1WbKE

 

I Stand Alone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDoDAyyaTKQ

 

I've only got the two for now, but believe me when I say I have a LOT in the works (Like 5 different WIP project files at the moment. XD)

Edited September 16, 2015 by FaithDragon

[mars 4,863]

@FaithDragon, as this thread has to do with pony fanmusic, it'll be moved to the correct section.

[FaithDragon 49]

@FaithDragon, as this thread has to do with pony fanmusic, it'll be moved to the correct section.

 

Awesome! Thank you so much for that!

[SynBassilicious Pony 322]

....................

Edited January 30, 2023 by SynBassilicious Pony

[FaithDragon 49]

Nice music.  I look forward to hearing more from you. 

 

Some thingies to take note of:

* In Deranged, the drums honestly sound pretty awful...when they're not being completely drowned out by the guitars, that is.  Better drum sounds could be used, and/or the drums could be processed properly to fit with the other instruments.

* The drums in I Stand Alone are better, but still occasionally get drowned.  Kick and snare are also too narrow/dry.  The drums would sound much better with the right processing and some amount of reverb.

 

Deranged was the first song I released, therefore, mixing problems were expected. XD

Same thing with I Stand Alone being the second song, mixing was a bit better but still pretty crap. XD

 

Don't worry, in due time I will be releasing re-mixed versions of those songs, though I might save that opportunity for an album or something.

 

Thanks for the critique though, much appreciated.

[FaithDragon 49]

Nice music.  I look forward to hearing more from you. 

 

Some thingies to take note of:

* In Deranged, the drums honestly sound pretty awful...when they're not being completely drowned out by the guitars, that is.  Better drum sounds could be used, and/or the drums could be processed properly to fit with the other instruments.

* The drums in I Stand Alone are better, but still occasionally get drowned.  Kick and snare are also too narrow/dry.  The drums would sound much better with the right processing and some amount of reverb.

 

Sorry in advance for the double post.

 

BUT.

I have followed your advise and looked over the mixing of my drums for an upcoming song I'm working on, and have fixed the problems you have mentioned above.

 

But as I stated, I'll save remixing the older songs for when I do an album eventually and will include those first two songs redone.

For now, I'll continue working on lyrics for this third song I have done, and finish the instrumentals for songs 4 and 5. (Might start posting teasers on Soundcloud to keep you all entertained until full stuff comes out.)

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

Okay...

 

Deranged

 

1. Watch your drums dude. They don't sound good at all. There's a nasty cut on your cymbals and it sounds like the whole set is peaking with the guitars. Perhaps don't hit the crash on every eighth beat. Limit it to only quarter beats, or use a ride instead. The frequencies that let out from a crash cymbal tend to peak when it's hit hard, therefore a ride would relieve some of the stress that the crash was giving out. Also, you've gotta add some fill-ins dude. They can really help shape your piece. Without the transitions, it's very difficult and awkward when you're jumping from one idea to the next. 

2. You've got a whole lot of changes in this piece. I really wouldn't do that. It makes it sound too sporadic and makes it very difficult for your audience to lose interest quickly, because they would have to adapt to the change. I would suggest you keep it at the speedy tempo all the way from start to finish, like you had starting at around 0:47. You could've used the same synth intro, but not make it so long. 

3. You limited yourself to only the root, which is sort of a no-no. By limiting yourself to the i (knowing that this piece is in the key of c minor), you really don't have any other choices then just playing patterns that involve the notes C, Eb and G, and sometimes Bb. What I suggest is trying to build a steady 4-chord progression. You can find out more on how to do this by looking over this thread here: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

4. Your vocals need tons of work. I think what you're trying to do is to make yourself sound like "the rock singer". This is what most beginner composers do. They tend to try to emulate someone else and then it kills their track. Sing with your natural voice. It is the best thing, because you'll stay on key. For the screamo parts, you gotta work on making them solid. They tend to become a bit wobbly, meaning that it seems like it could cut out at any second. 

 

Overall, this piece needs quite a bit of work. When you wrapped up on the last part, you could've synchronized your instruments with your vocals, like in the song "My Curse". This way, you can have a good build-up to the last part. I noticed you put the VI in the end part, but that's still not enough. I can help you reshape this piece if you'd like...

 

I Stand Alone

 

1. Again, your drums are still peaking up there. Watch those crash cymbals dude. The reason why they're cutting is because you've got them too loud. I suggest doing open high-hat and lowering the volume. Or, if you want to have the crashes, start off with open high-hat for 8 phrases, add a fill and then transition to the crash on the eighth beats of the measures/bars. 

2. Your guitars are peaking. You've gotta low their volume. You can tell they're peaking because they along with the crash symbol. 

3. You did a bit better on the chords this time, but be sure to have a steady progression that will keep your audience engaged. 

4. I'm not so sure this song was designed for screamo. It would be best with normal vocals. I just cannot see how screamo would work with this song

5. Overall, this one's better than the first. Again, I can help you make these songs better than they are now. 

[FaithDragon 49]

Okay...

 

Deranged

 

1. Watch your drums dude. They don't sound good at all. There's a nasty cut on your cymbals and it sounds like the whole set is peaking with the guitars. Perhaps don't hit the crash on every eighth beat. Limit it to only quarter beats, or use a ride instead. The frequencies that let out from a crash cymbal tend to peak when it's hit hard, therefore a ride would relieve some of the stress that the crash was giving out. Also, you've gotta add some fill-ins dude. They can really help shape your piece. Without the transitions, it's very difficult and awkward when you're jumping from one idea to the next. 

2. You've got a whole lot of changes in this piece. I really wouldn't do that. It makes it sound too sporadic and makes it very difficult for your audience to lose interest quickly, because they would have to adapt to the change. I would suggest you keep it at the speedy tempo all the way from start to finish, like you had starting at around 0:47. You could've used the same synth intro, but not make it so long. 

3. You limited yourself to only the root, which is sort of a no-no. By limiting yourself to the i (knowing that this piece is in the key of c minor), you really don't have any other choices then just playing patterns that involve the notes C, Eb and G, and sometimes Bb. What I suggest is trying to build a steady 4-chord progression. You can find out more on how to do this by looking over this thread here: https://mlpforums.com/topic/136619-chords-progressions-modulations-a-guide-to-composing-music/

4. Your vocals need tons of work. I think what you're trying to do is to make yourself sound like "the rock singer". This is what most beginner composers do. They tend to try to emulate someone else and then it kills their track. Sing with your natural voice. It is the best thing, because you'll stay on key. For the screamo parts, you gotta work on making them solid. They tend to become a bit wobbly, meaning that it seems like it could cut out at any second. 

 

Overall, this piece needs quite a bit of work. When you wrapped up on the last part, you could've synchronized your instruments with your vocals, like in the song "My Curse". This way, you can have a good build-up to the last part. I noticed you put the VI in the end part, but that's still not enough. I can help you reshape this piece if you'd like...

 

I Stand Alone

 

1. Again, your drums are still peaking up there. Watch those crash cymbals dude. The reason why they're cutting is because you've got them too loud. I suggest doing open high-hat and lowering the volume. Or, if you want to have the crashes, start off with open high-hat for 8 phrases, add a fill and then transition to the crash on the eighth beats of the measures/bars. 

2. Your guitars are peaking. You've gotta low their volume. You can tell they're peaking because they along with the crash symbol. 

3. You did a bit better on the chords this time, but be sure to have a steady progression that will keep your audience engaged. 

4. I'm not so sure this song was designed for screamo. It would be best with normal vocals. I just cannot see how screamo would work with this song

5. Overall, this one's better than the first. Again, I can help you make these songs better than they are now. 

 

SUPER late response is late. Sorry about that.

 

BUT, thank you SO much for the critique, much appreciated and I definitely WILL be taking this all in, always knew I had problems and not only have you confirmed them, you've also supplied the answers I need to fix those problems, so THANK YOU SO MUCH!

 

I am actually thinking about giving Deranged a full rewrite at some point in the future, at the time, I was happy with it, but looking back, it definitely isn't as good as it should be.

But, if you're willing to help, I will DEFINITELY take you up on those offers to fix these tracks up, thanks a heap for the offer!

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

SUPER late response is late. Sorry about that.

 

BUT, thank you SO much for the critique, much appreciated and I definitely WILL be taking this all in, always knew I had problems and not only have you confirmed them, you've also supplied the answers I need to fix those problems, so THANK YOU SO MUCH!

 

I am actually thinking about giving Deranged a full rewrite at some point in the future, at the time, I was happy with it, but looking back, it definitely isn't as good as it should be.

But, if you're willing to help, I will DEFINITELY take you up on those offers to fix these tracks up, thanks a heap for the offer!

 

No prob. You can always contact me anytime you want help. Did you take a glance at that thread I left in the critique?

[FaithDragon 49]

No prob. You can always contact me anytime you want help. Did you take a glance at that thread I left in the critique?

 

Not yet, about to look into it now.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

Not yet, about to look into it now.

 

Alright, it's very heavy in music theory, so don't hesitate to ask me anything if you can't understand. 

[FaithDragon 49]

Alright, it's very heavy in music theory, so don't hesitate to ask me anything if you can't understand. 

 

No worries, thank you for all the help you're offering.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

No worries, thank you for all the help you're offering.

No problem dude. It's what I do around here. 

[Stallionslaughter 394]

I listened to I Stand Alone. (I was hoping for a Godsmack Cover.)

 

The guitar work is a little too straightforward for screaming and too busy for the chorus to be singing. The vocals on the chorus are... So bad. I couldn't really find what you were going for there, but the melody is non-existent.

 

Additionally, the mix sounds okay. There's peaking here and there, but you could compress it. Drums sound good if not a pretty mundane beat. It's a good start though.

Killer breakdown by the way. The growls need improvement, but that skill will grow with time.

[FaithDragon 49]

I listened to I Stand Alone. (I was hoping for a Godsmack Cover.)

 

The guitar work is a little too straightforward for screaming and too busy for the chorus to be singing. The vocals on the chorus are... So bad. I couldn't really find what you were going for there, but the melody is non-existent.

 

Additionally, the mix sounds okay. There's peaking here and there, but you could compress it. Drums sound good if not a pretty mundane beat. It's a good start though.

Killer breakdown by the way. The growls need improvement, but that skill will grow with time.

 

Trust me, I'm very aware my vocals suck. XD

But yeah, I still don't know what I was thinking when I was planning some of I Stand Alone, but as mentioned earlier, I'm gonna give both songs a full rewrite sometime in the future, but alongside that, I've got 2 finished instrumentals I'm trying to currently write lyrics for, and hopefully NOT suck at singing on. Worst comes to worst, I'll see if I can request someone to do some vocals for me, but not sure how that'll go.

I approve of my growling/screaming skill more than my singing though, my singing is extremely cringe-worthy to myself, but I find myself liking my growls and screams, it's more so the lower growls I can do best, mid-high screams still need some work on my end.