Making a flight-race exciting?

[SilverStarApple 850]

How do I make a flying race involving Rainbow Dash, Lightning Dust, and some others sound exciting when writing in text? I want it to be cool, fast, tense, and really, really awesome.

[PacificGreen 1,163]

This is going to sound repetitive, but try looking on FiM and reading a fic about Rainbow Dash racing.

 

As for my advice, I don't really know what to say. I stopped writing fanfics quite a while ago, but I'll try to give the best advice I can.

 

-Describe how each character feels or what is happening to them, such as "Lightning Dust tore through the course, spitting out a few chunks of cloud that managed to enter her mouth". 

-Avoid using common words like "lots" or "tons" too often, and instead use something more descriptive or metaphorical, like "a torrent" "a barrage" or "a waterfall".

-If you decide to put the reader into, say, Rainbow Dash's perspective, show, don't tell. As in, don't say "Rainbow Dash knew this part of the race would be hard". Describe what exactly is hard about it. Does it have sharp turns? Hurricane speed winds?

-Don't be afraid to use breezy language if the character is thinking to themselves, or if the narration, as above, "puts the reader in Rainbow Dash's perspective". Such as "even the most well-trained pegasi had trouble slaloming through the rocks in the canyons; how was Rainbow supposed to do it in mere seconds? She would need a miracle if she wanted even a chance of plowing through fast enough to catch up to Lightning."

-Use exposition only if you feel that there is no other way to convey the information. This can especially useful if you're narrating from a character's point of view; see bullet above.

-Avoid repeating things that you've already mentioned to the reader. Sometimes they might need a reminder, but other times they'll just think "we know that already!" Use your best judgment when deciding whether to repeat a plot point you've already mentioned previously. You may need to do it if you haven't brought up the point in a long time.

-Don't narrate the obvious; assume your readers have enough common sense to figure some things out. For example, if something is gunking up Lightning or Rainbow's goggles, you don't need to say "rendering them unable to see clearly". Your readers can probably figure that out.

 

Again, I'm not the best writer, and I haven't done creative writing in a long time, so take my advice with a grain of salt. However, I highly recommend just reading fiction in general, whether it be a fanfic or the latest NY Times bestseller.

 

I wish you luck. 

Also, make sure you know how to pace your story, and how much detail to put in. Don't add so little detail that you make the whole thing seem rushed, but don't add too much that it slows down your story and makes your readers impatient. Also, some parts of your story will need more description than others. Expect some variety in this regard.

 

I know this is a mouthful, but I think it's because good writing is hard to summarize in a few tips. It's something that you just have to get used to, and the best way (sounding like a broken record here) is just to read, read, read.

 

Yeah.

Edited September 8, 2015 by PGNatsu

[SilverStarApple 850]

Ok, what if this race had a sudden surprise twist, where they were forced to ride on hoverboards or something, but Rainbow wasn't told about this fact?

[PacificGreen 1,163]

I would probably tell this part of the story from RD's perspective and put something along the lines of "In the distance, Rainbow Dash saw two long, red, rectangular objects laying feet from a grassy cliff up ahead. She zoomed in closer to clearly see what the mysterious red objects were.

 

Hoverboards?

 

All this time, Rainbow had been training to speed through the air with just her wings and agility . But never had she been told she would actually have to ride a hoverboard. What kind of pegasus even needs to use this kind of machine? she thought to herself. Well, maybe somepony like Scootaloo. But not a professional like me!

She skidded to a halt upon approaching the cliff, hastily examining the device and figuring out where to place her hooves on it. The front? The back? The side?

 

Rainbow could only hope that Lightning Dust would struggle just the same once she arrived."

 

I don't really care if you tweak my words to fit your story. Though I highly encourage you to use your own words. I'm just here to give a sample.

Edited September 8, 2015 by PGNatsu

[Lucky Shot 232]

You'll want to be very careful not to fall into a common writing trap: personally, I find that writing should never rely on detailed split-second physical action for a couple of reasons.

• In a very action-packed scene, several things can happen at the same time, but in writing, only one thing can happen at a time (even if it is in sequence within one sentence)
• Action happens quickly -- a bystander explaining what happened (in writing or speech) will take much longer than the time the scene took
• Even if you write very efficiently, your scenes can only move as quickly as your readers can read

Because of these problems, I believe writing in general should be emotional and sensual rather than physical -- you should focus on making the race "suspenseful" rather than "exciting".

I would personally detail the race only from Rainbow Dash's perspective, presuming she's your protagonist here. The story would focus only on what Rainbow Dash feels and perceives to lower how much detail needs to be crammed into any one space. This means that Dash (and the other racers) would not necessarily know precisely what's happening at any moment.

This gives you the ability to sort of jump scare the reader by describing sudden and unforeseen events such as racers crashing into stuff / each other or veering off-track in terms of a confused experience, rather than an immediate understanding of what's going on.

[SFyr 1,982]

I think I'm with @Lucky Shot overall.

I think your best bet is telling everything through RD's senses and reactions, but not always going into massive detail for quick actions/occurrences; as she said, how fast your reader is able to read it really have a large impact on how quick things feel. The more you write about something, the slower it will feel, especially if you use long sentences, chunks of description, or inner monologues that just have a way of slowing things down as you finish a single, drawn out 'thought' that goes on for a touch too long.

If you want quick, it's best to be concise. Reduce clutter to keep things moving. It'll show.

 

Regardless, I think using a few tricks to control pacing would be helpful. I don't know exacts, but these quotes I found seem fairly relevant. 

ACTION. Action scenes are where you “show” what happens in a story, and, when written in short- and medium-length sentences, they move the story along. Action scenes contain few distractions, little description, and limited transitions. Omit or limit character thoughts, especially in the midst of danger or crisis, since during a crisis people focus solely on survival. To create poignancy, forgo long, descriptive passages and choose a few details that serve as emotionally charged props instead.

 

Fragments, spare sentences, and short paragraphs quicken the pace. Crisp, punchy verbs, especially those with onomatopoeia (crash, lunge, sweep, scatter, ram, scavenge) also add to a quick pace. Invest in suggestive verbs to enliven descriptions, build action scenes and milk suspense.

Edited September 10, 2015 by SFyr

[SilverStarApple 850]

Understood. Now, what kind of obstacles can I spring on the racers? I want it to be the kind of race where racers wipe out and fall during the race, but the racers keep going because it's that dangerous. (There won't be any gore, that'd increase the age rating.)

 

(By the way, the scene in that chapter with Scootaloo was written before PGNatsu mentioned her.)