Looking for some constructive criticism on story I'm writing.

[ShadowSJG 62]

So on fimfiction,  I am currently writing a story there. However, it keeps getting downvotes and the thing is, no one is really telling me why they keep downvoting it. The story is a Sonic and EQG crossover fic, so I do feel like the fact that it's Sonic could be a reason why, but I do want to know what else about it is deserving downvotes as I have had people look at it  and tell me either it's pretty good or at worst average. I am looking for some criticism in order to improve whatever I am doing wrong, it would be much appreciated. 

[SpectraDust 149]

No offense, but pretty much anything Sonic related will  get downvotes. But to try and bring the votes up just ensure it's well written with good grammar and an interesting plot.

[Randimaxis 8,652]

@ShadowSJG, might we have a link to said story?

[ShadowSJG 62]

OK, here it is. Each chapter is sort of stand alone, think of it like regular show if you watch it.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/311106/sonic-and-equestria-girls

[Guest]

Gonna give you some advice on why you may be getting downvotes:

 

• Show style stories generally don't perform well. People want a consistent storyline.
• Sonic anything almost always does poorly because people just don't like that fandom and Sonic is kind of known for "low quality" after Sonic Boom and Sonic 06.
• You have a very poor description of the story which doesn't entice people to read it.
• There isn't a lot more than talking going on. Descriptions are very brief and you leave a lot to people's imagination.

[ShadowSJG 62]

I'll admit I'm not very good at writing descriptions as I'm pretty new to writing to be honest. I have seen some show styles work, so that's what got me thinking. Some parts of it are connected but not overall, but what you've said is a start. I don't want to write a story that is on the same quality as sonic boom.

Edited June 3, 2016 by ShadowSJG

[Brony Number 42 10,069]

You need to proof read everything you write because you are missing simple things like "to" and "is." You also need to learn to use commas in the proper places. To be a good writer, you need to understand that you should NOT write the way you would talk. Don't write as if you were telling a friend what just happened. Instead, paint a picture. Describe the setting, explain what is happening. You can add details about sights, sounds, smells. Is it day or night? Is it hot or cold? The style is too simplified. When I read it, I imagine Manic and Fluttershy walking on a blank page. Here is an example of what you wrote and my edit.

 

The instant Manic said this the light turned green and Angel went into the road, Manic rushed towards, but stopped when he almost got run over.

 

At that instant, the light turned green and Angel ran onto the road. Manic rushed towards her and was almost run over. The driver honked and shook his hoof at Manic, accusing him of not knowing the difference between a hole in the ground and his posterior. More cars drove past, spewing exhaust into Manic's face. He coughed and rubbed the dirt from his face.

[ShadowSJG 62]

Thank you for the feedback, much appreciated. On a concept, plot level, is there any feedback? Like I'm curious to whether or not the story is seen as "bad" or something like that.

Edited June 4, 2016 by ShadowSJG

[ShadowSJG 62]

Ok, I've been going back and making edits to chapters as people have said using grammarly and also improving on the descriptions as well and changed the description as well. On Fimfiction, someone addded it to the absolutely disgusting group, and I really want to know if it's that bad tbh. At worst, I've been told it's ok and someone who didn't enjoy it even told that it's not the worst, and I really want to improve.