writing I'm scared

[Finesthour 7,289]

I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I'm so fucking scared.

 

She's so sad.

 

I feel like I could lose her at any moment.

 

I can't do anything to help.

 

I don't know HOW to help.

 

I want to just end everything that is wrong right now.

 

I'm afraid one wrong move and she's dead.

 

I'm afraid she'll be dead when I wake up.

 

I'm afraid she'll be gone if I leave the computer.

 

I'm absolutely terridied right now.

 

I haven't ever felt like this.

 

And then a fucking immature 16 year old boy makes it worse.

 

Now she's crying in a place where I don't know what's happening.

 

I'm scared she's cutting.

 

Or hanging.

 

Or drinking pills.

 

Holy shit I'm so scared.

 

My chest is cold as hell.

 

My god I'm so scared.

 

She means so much to me.

 

I write this because I don't know how else to say I'm so scared.

 

I can't do ANYTHING.

 

All I can do is say I love her.

 

Lord knows if she even believes it or not.

 

I'm so scared.

 

I don't know how to help.

 

I wish I knewall the answers.

 

I wish I could just make her problems go away.

 

Maybe... just maybe.

 

I feel a part of me wants to end myself... a part of my brain thinks that she'll be happier if I do.

 

I don't know why...

 

It's the demon inside of me.

 

He's awakened.

 

I'm so scared alone.

 

I can't be alone.

 

I feel my eyes pop out of my skull.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

If she kills herself, I'm done.

 

I wouldn't want to go on anymore.

 

Please god, don't take her away from me.

 

She's practically all I have left.

 

Don't take someone else.

 

I can't lose a friend to a car wreck, and then a friend to sadness.

 

I already see you hate me god.

 

Don't punish my friends for it.

 

I feel like this is my fault.

 

I shouldn't of sent that message,

 

Maybe it is my fault she is so sad.

 

It is.

 

It is my fault.

 

I realize this now.

 

If I get close to ANYONE, their lives become TERRIBLE.

 

Oh my god, it's true.

 

Alex, Vinyl, Aylin, Carlos... Eric...

 

I ruined all of their lives.

 

And I even got one of them killed.

 

And now someone else is going to take their life.

 

And I can't stop it, no matter what I do.

 

I am just blindly typing now.

 

My mind feels blank.

 

...This may be a last letter.

 

I don't know what's going to happen right now.

 

If I don't see her come back on skype like she says, I'm done.

 

I can't lose Serenity.

 

GOD, PLEASE, I PRAY TO YOU.

 

Don't take her.

 

It's not her fault!

 

Take my life.

 

Not hers.

 

PLEASE GOD.

 

Just fucking kill me.

 

...Goodbye...

 

I love you...

[Dragonshy 2,305]

I hope she realizes that we care for her. I've been crying non stop since she brought it up. Maybe its because I had these feelings and how close I was to taking my own life. What's her skype?

Edited June 13, 2012 by Dragonzoid

[VladmireV.S.(Crank) 1,096]

you can live through it buddy.

[Dragonshy 2,305]

you can live through it buddy.

 

But can she?

[Finesthour 7,289]

you can live through it buddy.

 

No. Part of the reason I got OUT of my depression that still lingers inside of me is because of her. She showed me there is hope in the world. Now she may leave me for good.

 

But can she?

 

Please don't say that. PLEASE.

[VladmireV.S.(Crank) 1,096]

No. Part of the reason I got OUT of my depression that still lingers inside of me is because of her. She showed me there is hope in the world. Now she may leave me for good. Please don't say that. PLEASE.

well, think of me as her alternative:D you know if you need help im always here for ya bro.

[Finesthour 7,289]

well, think of me as her alternative:D you know if you need help im always here for ya bro.

 

I am seriously scared half to death right now.

[Dragonshy 2,305]

No. Part of the reason I got OUT of my depression that still lingers inside of me is because of her. She showed me there is hope in the world. Now she may leave me for good.

 

 

Please don't say that. PLEASE.

 

I'm so sorry. I'm so SO sorry. I didn't want to cause anything. I'm just overwhelmed with emotions right now...

[Finesthour 7,289]

I'm so sorry. I'm so SO sorry. I didn't want to cause anything. I'm just overwhelmed with emotions right now...

 

How the hell do you think I feel. She's all I have. She just left skype. She's offline. I haven't stopped crying for an hour.

[VladmireV.S.(Crank) 1,096]

I am seriously scared half to death right now.

its alright buddy. you just need to calm down. i know what you feel like right now and i promise it doesn't help to be scared.

[Finesthour 7,289]

its alright buddy. you just need to calm down. i know what you feel like right now and i promise it doesn't help to be scared.

 

Then WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

[VladmireV.S.(Crank) 1,096]

Then WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

 

trust, in Serenity when she says she will come back, and relief that she won't hurt herself.

[mrmcsavage 34]

Before I try to help, I just want to state I have no Idea what you all are going through, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I had a suicidal friend before, and I want to help people with it.

 

Listen to me, as long as your there for her, she will be ok, just keep faith, even if you have none, you have to listen to me. You need to keep hope, if you don't have hope, she wont. YOU CAN GET HER THROUGH THIS, and if she does, you will too. Nothing makes you feel more important than keeping another person alive. I've dealt with a situation like yours before, it was with a close friend of mine. I know how you feel, it was extremely stressfull, I felt like giving up, but I didn't, and he got through it. The point is you can't give up on her or yourself, and doubting yourself makes it harder. Be there for her, and stop blaming yourself for ruining peoples lives you come in contact with. It's not your fault. I'm sorry I can't help more, but I'm not in your situation. Now trust me, as long as your there for her, and stay confident in your support, she can get through this. Please just believe in yourself.

[Finesthour 7,289]

 

Been through this before, my friend killed himself.

So, where is this"You can help her!" When it hasn't worked before.

[Strider Hiryu 116]

Been through this before, my friend killed himself.

So, where is this"You can help her!" When it hasn't worked before.

 

Well they are two different people, though for me, it took a lot of tough love.

[ToridAkbolto 170]

What exactly is wrong? Why is "she" sad? What is "she" to you, a sister, a mother, a girlfriend, a friend, a grandmother?

 

Suicide is never right

be the man and face the light

wipe away the tears and fright

a life may yet be saved tonight

Tell her what she'll leave behind

Ask her just what's on her mind

Agree with her life isn't fair

Embrace her with your love and care

Ask her to wait one more day

And she might see this world's okay

Some have it bad, some have it worse

Can't say what she has ain't a curse

but in the end when day is done

if she's alive then you have won.

Do everything you think it'll take

and talk to her, for her own sake.

[Finesthour 7,289]

She's... she's just everything to me.

[ToridAkbolto 170]

If that's the case

you run a race

you can't afford to lose

But it is not in your control,

Results aren't yours to choose.