writing As the moon

[Inkfeather 597]

A poem written with the thought of the moon and how one can relate to it. A though of how close the stars seem when observed by us, but how far they are from the moon in reality. Related to oneself through vision of I being the moon, the stars being... Well, read on and see for yourself.

 

As the moon

 

 

As the moon shines bright.

The stars swirl around.

Though close they seem.

An eternity in between.

 

In an ocean of darkness.

With every twist and turn.

Nothing but black to see.

Only cold and empty.

 

Though close, so far.

No stars for the moon.

Only a canvas of innocence.

Love and warmth is absent.

 

As the moon, am I.

Alone in this world.

No shared emotions.

Only heartache, tears.

[shotoku 47]

Favorited on DA. Love the idea and it was executed well. Never thought of the moon this way before. Keep up the good work!

[Inkfeather 597]

Favorited on DA. Love the idea and it was executed well. Never thought of the moon this way before. Keep up the good work!

 

Thank you for the kind words, it was an idea I came up with for a Roleplay, my character being obsessed by the moon.

[Ashbad 969]

Not bad, I enjoyed it I like the short style, you were able to fit a surprising bit of imagery into rather short snippets. Only thing that turns me off is that you have periods suffixing essentially every line; I'd love to see other forms of punctuation used as well, or another possibility, removing all punctuation except for the periods suffixing the last line of every stanza.

[Inkfeather 597]

Not bad, I enjoyed it I like the short style, you were able to fit a surprising bit of imagery into rather short snippets. Only thing that turns me off is that you have periods suffixing essentially every line; I'd love to see other forms of punctuation used as well, or another possibility, removing all punctuation except for the periods suffixing the last line of every stanza.

 

I will keep that in mind, though I do much prefer to work this way that I do. The punctuation I use for my poems is what fits my own style of writing the most, I like the pauses, the breaks and I love to try and fit as much I can into a single line of text.

 

But yes, I'll keep in mind to use other structures for punctuations, but it just moves a bit far away from what I like about poetry. Making full stanzas of combined text would surely give more room for creativity, but it would rush the poem in my opinion. It wouldn't create as many natural breaks in the texts as my usual style does and it would be less poetic and more prose. Not that it's a bad thing, but just less to my personal liking.