Help me develop my OC's story (Or just critique)

[Alaxandir 93]

Hello everypony, I'm sorry if this dosen't qualify as Fan Fiction but I need help with this! I'm by no means a writer and am trying to get better at it. The short bio written below describes my original character named Valiant. I am seeking critique or advice on this story, also any helpful advice / link / magic beans are more than welcome!

 

This is listed in the Character DB but I'm posting it in this thread directly for convenience.

 

Valiant is very shy and reserved around strangers and people he isn't familiar with, he can open up significantly once he knows and trusts someone. He is very intimidated by girls, having never had a girlpony of anysort. Valiant often keeps to himself when he is working or concentrating on something. He can however when the need is dire rise up with unbelieveable courage and bravery, hence his namesake. But this courage is not dependable, he cant turn it "on" and "off" it only comes when it is truly needed, and even then Valiant can't predict it. What he can predict though, is that he will never fail his friends if he can do something to prevent it.

 

Likes: Valiant likes working with his hooves, he enjoys nature and the outdoors and is generally interested in wildlife. He especially loves carrotcake, which is one of his favorite dishes to make when he is baking.

 

Dislikes: Valiant dislikes glamourous or extravagant things he views as unneccessary. He dosen't care for cramped buildings and avoids large crowds. He also cant stand swimming, he hates it, however oddly enough he enjoys the rain.

 

Backstory: Valiant was a normal Earth Pony whom lived a simple life in Ponyville. He was born to his parents whom owned a very small Bakery in the town and he grew up learning how to bake with his mother and do all kinds of handy work with his father, carpentry, hauling, painting, masonry, and farming; His dad was a real know it all when it came to handyman work. Valiant picked up a lot from his parents, learning more towards his fathers interests but never quite feeling like it was his calling. He worked in his parent's store doing what needed to be done until a fateful day when he earned his mark. Valiant was merely 14 years old at the time when he was walking nearby the Everfree forest at an hour he should not have been out. He heard multiple tiny shrieks which he quickly identified as little fillies in panic! He rushed towards the sound without thinking of his own safety! He came upon the sight of two fillies that had gone out exploring and had been cornered by a bear! Valiant raced to their aid throwing himself infront of the animal and rearing up trying to defend the girls.

 

He bought them just enough time, as other ponies had heard the disturbance and arrived about a minute later, if it hadn't been for Valiant's actions that day no one dares think of what might of happened. He still dosen't know to this day where that sudden burst of courage came from; Valiant has always been a shy type, especially around girls. He prefers to keep to himself and work with his hooves. Regardless, the next day, he discovered his cuite mark had appeared. A reversed Fleur De Lis, often used to signify love of king and country, his however was reversed to signify self sacrifice and courage in the face of adversity.

Valiant now works in Ponyville still at and around his parent's bakery. However they have both become too old to work and so now Valiant runs the place, along with his own little buisness of fixing and doing whatever work needs to be done, which by the way, is his favorite job.

 

Thanks for reading,

-Alax