FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 I can write dialog and short character actions just fine, but writing narration and description poses a bit a wall for me, any ideas how to improve my skill on that area of writing? "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Opalicious 799 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 I learned from a friend that what he does is he shows everything to the readers. I don't need much skill in narration and description, because all you need to do is pretend you're in the setting you're writing about, and that you're looking around. Then, in writing, describe what the world look like at that time, what is happening, and then you can narrow down to specific characters, all in that order. If you need an example, tell me. Signature made by me! Here's a list of my old names so you all remember me, old to new. Strawberries Yum/The Opal Family/The Opals/Luna Opal/Bumble Berry/Rainbow Jack/Colgate Revolution/Bad Seed/Bad Apple/The Alicorn Amulet/Opalicious/Doctor Who/The Tenth Doctor. I can't believe how long I've been here :') Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 im having the same problem and actually that reminds me i haven't wrote anything for a week hope no ones angry at me for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Author Share August 22, 2012 Here an example of my narration if anyone wants to see "Shade watches with a smile as the two fillies talk, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he’s happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again. If you can ever call Ponyville normal that is. The town seems happy and full of life, with ponies walking and flying around tending to their daily tasks. Derpy, the town’s beloved mail mare is once again being removed from a mail box a seemingly regular occurrence. Carrot Top, the owner of the local carrot stand is tending to her garden and trying to ignore that it’s her mailbox Derpy’s stuck in. One building that catches his eye, or ears for a better term, is literally bouncing on his foundation to the faintly heard pumping of music, he wonders who sound proofed so efficiently. As he passes the local café he sees a green unicorn he recognizes as Lyra fumbles to hold a soft drink in her hooves. Her companion merely holds her face in her cream colored hooves and shakes her head. It really is just another normal day in Ponyville. " "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gizmo 206 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 Well there's your problem, you're mixing up the present tense with a past tense narrative. It's not your writing that's your problem it's your grammar, that's all. Take your first sentence for example which sounds more natural: "Shade watches with a smile as the two fillies talk, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he’s happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Or "Shade watched with a smile as two fillies talked, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he was happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Hope I could help you out a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Author Share August 22, 2012 (edited) Well there's your problem, you're mixing up the present tense with a past tense narrative. It's not your writing that's your problem it's your grammar, that's all. Take your first sentence for example which sounds more natural: "Shade watches with a smile as the two fillies talk, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he’s happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Or "Shade watched with a smile as two fillies talked, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he was happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Hope I could help you out a bit The whole story's in present tense. I can't randomly bonce around tenses. Edited August 22, 2012 by Shoboni "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat988 108 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 (edited) It would be improved if the grammar was looked at, but I'll just tell you what I do when describing a new scene. - Use all five senses (obvious one). - If it is through a character's eyes (doesn't have to be first person), only describe the things that character would notice. - If you want to make it a memorable location, try putting a landmark or something that the reader can remember it by. - If you find yourself checking off the list of surroundings (Derpy was doing, Carrot Top was doing, Lyra was doing etc), think about the order in which the character sees them, and what draws his/her attention to them. Derpy could get pulled out of the mailbox, landing on Carrot Top's new harvest. - Have an objective observation, then the initial reaction (if shock, say his/her heart froze; usually the biological response), and end with the rational reaction (the decision made to laugh, or keep walking, or find a place to hide). You don't have to include all three, but do them in order and the observation is more believable. - Description of scenery can easily get flowery, so ask yourself whether every detail is necessary for the reader to know. If it is not, replace with details that reflect the character's mood for example. Edited August 22, 2012 by Hat988 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gizmo 206 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 Well If you're doing present tense maybe second person would be more of an ally than third person perspective. In Third person and even First it's usually written in past tense, but that's just my opinion. Also Hat is really right about all of that development stuff, was about to mention that as well XD 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Author Share August 22, 2012 (edited) Well If you're doing present tense maybe second person would be more of an ally than third person perspective. In Third person and even First it's usually written in past tense, but that's just my opinion. Also Hat is really right about all of that development stuff, was about to mention that as well XD Second person only works for "choose your own adventure" or similar. Most stories with more than one character are in third person. It would be improved if the grammar was looked at, but I'll just tell you what I do when describing a new scene. - Use all five senses (obvious one). - If it is through a character's eyes (doesn't have to be first person), only describe the things that character would notice. - If you want to make it a memorable location, try putting a landmark or something that the reader can remember it by. - If you find yourself checking off the list of surroundings (Derpy was doing, Carrot Top was doing, Lyra was doing etc), think about the order in which the character sees them, and what draws his/her attention to them. Derpy could get pulled out of the mailbox, landing on Carrot Top's new harvest. - Have an objective observation, then the initial reaction (if shock, say his/her heart froze; usually the biological response), and end with the rational reaction (the decision made to laugh, or keep walking, or find a place to hide). You don't have to include all three, but do them in order and the observation is more believable. - Description of scenery can easily get flowery, so ask yourself whether every detail is necessary for the reader to know. If it is not, replace with details that reflect the character's mood for example. What grammer issues am I having? Edited August 22, 2012 by Shoboni "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gizmo 206 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 That's not entirely true, I know LOTS of stories in second person with lots of characters, and some with too many characters, and they're all not written in the "choose your fate" sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Author Share August 22, 2012 That's not entirely true, I know LOTS of stories in second person with lots of characters, and some with too many characters, and they're all not written in the "choose your fate" sense. It kinda has you locked in as having to make the reader a character in the story, I just plain don't like it outside certain situations. "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ink 191 August 22, 2012 Share August 22, 2012 (edited) First I'd like to say I've never seen a story in second person - it would feel really weird reading it. I usually prefer 3rd person past tense, it's harder to make anything else flow well. Which I believe is exactly the problem you're having. The example paragraph you gave doesn't have a very nice flow. It feels like there are too many periods and the main character's reactions to what he sees seem to just be there to fill empty space. You could try looking into using dashes in your writing, they tend to make everything flow more nicely. Here's an example Google conjured up for me: The first thing the lazy employees did when they arrived at work - besides slowly drinking their coffee - was to turn on their computers so the boss would think they were busy at work. Edited August 22, 2012 by Shaoni I frequently edit my new posts to fix grammatical errors or to reword stuff, so sorry if I make it look like I'm forging my messages to change the meaning of anyone's replies or something. Reading the blog below kills more brain cells per minute than smoking: http://health-and-fitness-tips-and-topics.blogspot.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxyCryptid 4,330 August 22, 2012 Author Share August 22, 2012 First I'd like to say I've never seen a story in second person - it would feel really weird reading it. I usually prefer 3rd person past tense, it's harder to make anything else flow well. Which I believe is exactly the problem you're having. The example paragraph you gave doesn't have a very nice flow. It feels like there are too many periods and the main character's reactions to what he sees seem to just be there to fill empty space. You could try looking into using dashes in your writing, they tend to make everything flow more nicely. Here's an example Google conjured up for me: Well, I'm stuck with present tense now. I'm almost two chapters in. Besides, when I try past tense it's even harder. Maybe I should work on my flow of words. Get it a little smoother. "You know, I don't know who or what you are Methos, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you did teach me something. You taught me that Life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that." -Duncan McLeod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbowstarismyOC 0 January 2, 2013 Share January 2, 2013 maybe you should try writing in first person. im writing a fan sequal to CoRoNa and third person isnt for me either. so try doing it in first person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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