Gizmo

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About Gizmo

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    Bunny
  • Birthday 05/23/1994

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    Canterlot

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    GizmoTok
  1. It's been quite some time since I posted that ._.", and since then I have played it. I won't say it was really scary (I did play it in the dark, and volume on high), but I did enjoy the story line very much.
  2. That's not entirely true, I know LOTS of stories in second person with lots of characters, and some with too many characters, and they're all not written in the "choose your fate" sense.
  3. Well If you're doing present tense maybe second person would be more of an ally than third person perspective. In Third person and even First it's usually written in past tense, but that's just my opinion. Also Hat is really right about all of that development stuff, was about to mention that as well XD
  4. Well there's your problem, you're mixing up the present tense with a past tense narrative. It's not your writing that's your problem it's your grammar, that's all. Take your first sentence for example which sounds more natural: "Shade watches with a smile as the two fillies talk, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he’s happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Or "Shade watched with a smile as two fillies talked, after the incident at the wedding almost two weeks ago he was happy to see things peaceful and back to normal again." Hope I could help you out a bit
  5. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Stein laughed, he couldn't stop "First of all, you didn't have to bet, none of you did, when I set that up it was nothing more than a joke, but now that you've come out about it in front of Lord Death, I'll let him decide what punishment should be fit for everyone who put money on this fight, as well as if he should return everyone's money" Stein sighed and tapped Shizu "You can let go of him now" "Oh, Right." Shizu said as she morphed back into her physical form, she blushed as she noticed she was now holding hands with Seth and dispersed her sutures from their hands and pulled her arm away from him out of embarrassment. "Lord Death, would you like to explain to everyone the real reason why we had Shizu and and Seth her fight to partner up?" he asked as he dismissively waved and started to walk off, "I have some research to get back to."
  6. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Flames spread all over her and changed from green to blue, "Huh, That's interesting. Instead of melting my ice, your flames are just covering me. And it's cold?" Shizu was just as stunned as Seth was. "Hmm interesting" Stein said as he inspected the two closely. "My guess, is that since Shizu has a stronger soul that Seth, her Frost attributes are slowly changing Seth's flames to something that's so cold it's hot. Sort of like dry ice." Stein pulled out a cigarette and lit it with the flames that covered Shizu's weapon form.
  7. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    "Idiot" Shizu said as a blade of ice expanded out and cut straight through his foot, missing any bones or important veins so as to cause him pain, but not any serious damage. "Are you so blind as to what the hell has even happened!?" Shizu yelled as she was unharmed from ay of his kicks. Stein put his hand on Seth's shoulder "Seth, it's over. It'd be best you stop now, or I'll have to play the overly protective father" said threateningly with as smile as he held a scalpel to Seth's throat. "I'd love to see your anatomy up close through means of dissection"
  8. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Stein sighed, "It doesn't matter sir... Surely you see he's playing right into her trap" Stein rubbed his arms for warmth, "Shizu sees all fights in a tactical chess matter, she works up all her moves to one final point, each move has it's purpose, the water, the increased CO2, all the Methane, even though all of her attacks deal with Ice or freezing temperatures, it all ends the same... in flames. It's how she beat me and destroyed my lab the last time.." Stein had a strong urge to light a cigarette, but knew it was a bad idea. 'I just hope it ends here... if they still go on, he'll invoke her mother's witch aura in shizu...' stein gripped his fists even more tightly, hoping it would end here. "Check Mate" Shizu said gleefully as she smiled madly and began to laugh madly, Shizu knew if she provoked Seth enough he would use one of his powerful fire attacks to finish the fight then and there. As soon as he said his move Shizu grabbed his leg and used the one move she took pride in learning from stein, "Soul Thread:Sutures" she said coldly as stitches of soul thread went all over both of their bodies, as fast as she started she then smiled and turned into her full weapon form "Permafrost Halberd" she yelled as she left him holding her in weapon form, unable to let go of her. As soon as his flames touched her concentrated veil of methane of methane, CO2, and separated Hydrogen ad oxygen molecules of water, it erupted in a violent explosion of fire and ice shards flying everywhere.
  9. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Shizu simply stood there, the CO2 around her had veiled it's self as a protective shroud. As Seth's punch came in contact with it, his fist started to slow down, not a lot, but enough to slow the blood flow in his fist. As his fist came in contact with Shizu she flinched from the power that still had manage to come through and coughed slightly, in turn she simply took hold of his hand and held on to it. Permafrost slowly crept up the length of his arm covering the special points in which soul energy is released, she had expected him to take more careful protection of these areas 'Maybe he doesn't even know' she thought grimly. she then let go of his now useless arm and quietly said "I wouldn't go and using your flames with that arm, the moment you do, the heat will cause the methane to expand at rapid rate, and the exothermic energy will cause it to singe your arm, never to be used for combat again." Shizu then stared straight into Seth's eyes and let go of his arm, she then balled her fist up and slugged him in the stomach with as much strength as she could muster.
  10. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Shizu only managed to block half of Seth's punches. He was fast, that was for sure, but he didn't pay attention to the after effect of his punches. slowly but surely, the water from the frozen ground, the methane in the air from her first permafrost attack, and added CO2, all building up to this moment, she just a few more moves until it was all over. 'For now I'll just have to bid time with some addition precautionary measures' she thought of a trick she learned from Marie Mjolnir when she was over monitoring stein, it didn't do the same thing but it did allow her to condense the air in the room, helping her cool the air and increasing the CO2 count by cubic meter, it was dangerous, but when she got into this mood, no price was too high to pay. 'Damn.. this isn't looking too good' stein thought to himself as her gripped his first, 'Shizu... please.. don't take it so far.'
  11. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Shizu grunted as her shoulders met the ground. She expected flames, but nothing as sporadic, Seth had got lucky, ans she knew it by the expression on his face. She slid her legs around and kicked Seth in the shin as she jumped on her feet. 'If he's going to rely on luck, I'll just have to make the odds of that luck much more slim...' she thought to her self. 'I cant use permafrost, he'll just evaporate it to methane, but I use regular Ice, it'll melt and keep him wet' she frowned at this thought though, Ice was easier to crush than permafrost or dry ice, but it'll have to do.' she slammed her hands to the ground and froze a great areas around them into solid ice, she had practice sliding on ice because she could add blades to her feet from her halberd form. She stood up and smiled as she let her arms become solidified in ice, "Like a match dropped in water" Shizu muttered as she started to skate slowly around Seth, biding her time to analyze the percent chance of his luck with the added factors.
  12. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Shizu staggered after a couple blows and smiled maniacally, she had absorbed each blow by canceling his strength out his her soul wave length, 'perfect as always' she thought. She followed up with a move she previously observed from Stein, but with a bit more flare. After Seth's final follow up with his fist, she stepped to the side as he punched, the frost that had gathered around Shizu's feet allowed her to slide Seth forward as she grabbed his arm with ease as she flipped him on his back. With as much speed and precision as she could muster, she slammed her elbow down on to Seth in a pile driver like move, while at the same time coating her arm with a semi thick glazing of Ice, as well as raising her soul wave length to break through his defense "Permafrost drop" she muttered as she did so. She knew she didn't have to, but to her making up names for moves were pretty damn cool, even if it did make her seem like an otaku.
  13. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    Shizu took her glasses off and threw them to Stein, who was expecting this and caught them. Shizu closed her eyes and focused her soul to a minimum frequency level, 'water is hot, ice is warm, frost is cold, permafrost is freezing' She thought to her self in repetition as she concentrated. The air around her became frigidly cold, and frost began to gather on the floor where she stood. after a few moments of this Shizu opened her eyes to reveal brilliantly blue eyes had now replaced her original brown eyes. Shizu took her stance and readied herself concentrating and locking on to the open spots Seth had left open, calculating the percent chance to the exact tenth of a decimal. She took into account for pressure points, but knew he would guard those well, and then she saw it, the exact frequency of his soul wavelength, but what she really saw, was that it wavered immensely and fluctuated unstably, she locked on to his frequency and made hers copy his so as to tank his attacks to some extent, waiting for his first move to see if her calculations were correct and to further her evaluation of how to go about the fight.
  14. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    "Says you sir" Stein sighed and pulled out a cigarette as he lit it and took a drag. He watched his students file into the room and saw Shizu and Seth taking their place in front of Deaths mirror. walking over to the both of them he finished his his cigarette and flicked it off to the side, "So here we are, your first deciding soul wavelength fight Shizu" he said teasingly as he ruffled her hair to hide his true emotions. "Oh stop it" Shizu blushed and pushed his arm away, "Besides you shouldn't worry about this, I'm not going to get hurt." "I'm not worried about that Shizu, I'm worried you'll hurt Seth, I had to have you fight in here because..." Stein sighed and rested his hand on Shizu's shoulder ".. If you get out of control, Death and I... will stop you." Shizu's eyes dilated as she stared up at stein "And by stop... you mean kill me... right?" Shizu asked as she looked down at her feet, no one but Stein, Shizu, and Lord Death knew about Shizu's parents true origins and why she could control both soul wave length attacks and her Weapon attacks. "Don' Stein, I won't let it come to that.. Ever." she said softly as she looked up and over at Lord death and smiled weakly.
  15. Gizmo

    Private Soul Eater

    "Well if you'd be so kind as to let me go my darling dearest" he said making Shizu blush as she let go of stein and crossed her arms still blushing and irritated "I told you to stop calling me that..." she said in spite. "Well since Shizu likes to go all out when she fights" he said as he glared over at her, remembering the west wing of his laboratory she destroyed in their last sparring session, "I received permission to use Lord Death's dimensional room, he'd like to over see their fight as well for..." he stopped talking for a bit and sighed "..personal reasons, so we can head over there as soon as I receive everyone's homework." (OCC: If anyone else wants to play the role of Lord Death in the next scene be y guest, if no one wants to though I could pick him up till someone does.)