Guest January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 Just some of my poems from DA, if anyone has comments or criticism feel free to fire away! Mirror Image Mirror image A reflection Or is it A twisted fantasy The eyes Pierce my Defenses now Broken, irreparable How can I Combat that Which knows My dark secrets Gripping reality As though It were a thing Of comfort, ha The lies Growing and Twisting like Serpents, tempting Where is it The mirrors lead to And what terrors Wear our faces Hold That Thought Hold that thought Or it might float away Doomed to be forgotten Until some other day Value Every Second Time Sifting through fingers We should Value every second Like a diamond Hold it long in embrace As though it were a close friend Remember the texture upon your hand And recount how beautiful it felt See in that second a light So grand your very soul is put at ease Only letting go when you must And with joy welcome the next For when the sands are washed away By the sea of this existence You will only have memories of Those jewels that rush through your fingers The Candle and the Shadow Shared by all Held by none Free above Oh bright sun To you I shout The lies I spun All the dark Ties come undone My foolish ways Forever I mourn The candle Must the shadow scorn Where once was taint What had been torn Now a new soul Waits unborn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shankveld 4,951 January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 (edited) I'm not THAT into poetry, but I did take a writer's craft course so I can tell your poetry is very amateur. that saying you shouldn't give up, maybe learn about poetry and practice more, you don't use (hardly) any literary devices and most poems have a deeper meaning and are extended metaphor. ~ Edited January 9, 2012 by Shankveld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 I'm not THAT into poetry, but I did take a writer's craft course so I can tell your poetry is very immature. that saying you shouldn't give up, maybe learn about poetry and practice more, you don't use (hardly) any literary devices and most poems have a deeper meaning and are extended metaphor. ~ I have only been at it for a short while, so I hope to get way more practice as I continue writing. For now I feel that I can't always express my ideas very well if I get too into a metaphor or other device, but like you said that is just something I need to work on. I do plan on taking a creative writings course next year, so maybe I can pick up a thing or two there. Thank you for the comment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D1SC0RD 987 January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 o_o I don't think they're immature. Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror. How is that immature? I just dun geddit. Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedParadoxin 2 January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 It's OK I guess, I'm not into poetry though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest January 8, 2012 Share January 8, 2012 o_o I don't think they're immature. Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror. How is that immature? I just dun geddit. Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all. Yeah, that is the gist of it! We all have that secret side that we understand and fear, yet other people rarely see. That little voice which seems to counteract the conscience and leads us to be mean, spiteful, jealous, etc. Mirrors is one of my favorites as well, thank you for the comment! It's OK I guess, I'm not into poetry though. No problem, not everyone likes poetry. Thank you for the comment though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shankveld 4,951 January 9, 2012 Share January 9, 2012 o_o I don't think they're immature. Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror. How is that immature? I just dun geddit. Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all. o_o I don't think they're immature. Mirrors is about our inner demons and how ugly side of us is always hidden and waiting to hurt someone. Yet, on the outside, no one would suspect such a thing. But the person looking in the mirror is well aware of themselves, and they are fearful for everyone around them because others cannot see what that person sees in the mirror. How is that immature? I just dun geddit. Anyway. I think they're good. Mirrors is probably my favorite out of them all. I meant amateur ** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest January 16, 2012 Share January 16, 2012 (edited) Here are two more! The Aroma of Flowers Sitting, thinking Here at the edge of This world so dark Hearing the cries And from this perch The miserable thorns are seen Constricting... Choking... Unforgiving... Yet here and there Flowers, flowers... Beauty unsurpassed Growing and flourishing As the dark vines Roil round their forms Sentinels and Denizens of a world Which abhors them Smile even when hope is dead For the breeze brings with it The aroma of flowers Those Who Know Nothing Held so lovingly Or is it a death grip In ignorance is warmth But not warmth of the living In the unknowing we find peace Not the peace of life Instead peace of mind For a mind without thoughts holds no war counsel The first rule of knowing Lies in understanding Thus those who know not Understand all, for they know nothing to understand But then what do we understand Does our own belief In our knowledge only prove our condemnation As those who know nothing I think this might be my new personal favorite! Added 1/15/2012 Reflection Peering into the pool I see only a fool peering back What reason has he For staring as he does Perhaps he seeks answers Hoping to unravel the world Where then shall he find them There is naught here to see Or maybe he needs no reason And simply watches his reflection too Existing there, wondering Why such a fool stares back at him Edited January 16, 2012 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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