Stage Fright-Tragedy: Can I get some Feedback?!

[TheBronyArtist 32]

I have the doc as a attachment, it involves Trixie and Twilight, and it's ruffly 2 pages.

please read and tell me what you think, this is my first completed Fanfic...

Stage fright.docx

[LightRaider 148]

As always, i'll read this.

Okay. First off.

DAT CLIFFHANGAH.

Now that that is out of the way, there are a couple of grammatical mistakes i would like to point out.

 

 

“I’m sure this will shock them, We are throwing a guillotine threw you… Why am I here? I don’t really do anything.” Twilight said.

 

"We are throwing a guillotine threw you?

I think it should be through.

Also,

 

"to the right, it was Trixie. Trixie was in a rectangle"

although it is not wrong, i believe that replacing trixie with something along the lines of:

"The azure unicorn"

Other than that, i love how you portrayed twilight. She always seemed a little timid to me.

Looking forward to this, are you planning on continuing it?

[TheBronyArtist 32]

As always, i'll read this.

Okay. First off.

DAT CLIFFHANGAH.

Now that that is out of the way, there are a couple of grammatical mistakes i would like to point out.

 

 

“I’m sure this will shock them, We are throwing a guillotine threw you… Why am I here? I don’t really do anything.” Twilight said.

 

"We are throwing a guillotine threw you?

I think it should be through.

Also,

 

"to the right, it was Trixie. Trixie was in a rectangle"

although it is not wrong, i believe that replacing trixie with something along the lines of:

"The azure unicorn"

Other than that, i love how you portrayed twilight. She always seemed a little timid to me.

Looking forward to this, are you planning on continuing it?

 

Hmmm Yeah It still needs some work...

Alot of it for whatever reason seemed better in my head then it did aloud *facepalms

Well, I'm glad you liked what I did with Twilight^^ I tried to give alot of detail to what she felt without losing third person view point.

the threw part is force of habit...you'd be surprised by how often it comes up in my day to day life...

I'm not continuing, I really wanted to keep it "clean" and under 4 pages, I don't know where i would do next to be honest, more of a thing the reader has to think about.

[LightRaider 148]

Hmmm Yeah It still needs some work...

Alot of it for whatever reason seemed better in my head then it did aloud *facepalms

Well, I'm glad you liked what I did with Twilight^^ I tried to give alot of detail to what she felt without losing third person view point.

the threw part is force of habit...you'd be surprised by how often it comes up in my day to day life...

I'm not continuing, I really wanted to keep it "clean" and under 4 pages, I don't know where i would do next to be honest, more of a thing the reader has to think about.

 

Holy crap. I love things that do this. It allows us to create our ideal story based off of yours. I would enjoy seeing more of your writing though, so shoot me a message if you ever make any more, okay?

[TheBronyArtist 32]

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Holy crap. I love things that do this. It allows us to create our ideal story based off of yours. I would enjoy seeing more of your writing though, so shoot me a message if you ever make any more, okay?

 

Alrighty I will ^^ I have a few ideas but it may be awhile till i'll upload them or even finish them.... Once again thank you for the positive response^^