would anyone be willing to proof read a fan fic by a friend of mine

[Skullbuster 1,906]

so a friend of mine(strong hooves a few of you may remember him) really wants a proof reader of a fall out equestria fanfic he is writing, he needs someone who is willing to be straight up with him and show him any flaws

 

if your interested post here and ill give you his skype name

[Danger Wasp 114]

so a friend of mine(strong hooves a few of you may remember him) really wants a proof reader of a fall out equestria fanfic he is writing, he needs someone who is willing to be straight up with him and show him any flaws

 

if your interested post here and ill give you his skype name

Sure thing dude. I enjoy reading other's stories and especially proofreading them to make sure of Grammar and punctuation errors.

so...How do I read it?

[Derpyroo 14]

i would please email to mrsbeale01@gmail.com

am more than happy to proof read most fan fics and can let you know bout punctuation and grammar

[Champion RD92 8,658]

dude I'm like a master at spelling and grammar. i can definitely proofread if someone else isn't already doing it...yeahhhhhh

[One 498]

Why not just give a link to it so that we can review it and point out any flaws? I'm also very good when it comes to grammar, as I always try to improve and correct myself on it as much as possible. I also enjoy reading, although I'm not to familiar of what Fallout Equestria is.

[Skullbuster 1,906]

Sure thing dude. I enjoy reading other's stories and especially proofreading them to make sure of Grammar and punctuation errors.

so...How do I read it?

 

 

i would please email to mrsbeale01@gmail.com

am more than happy to proof read most fan fics and can let you know bout punctuation and grammar

 

 

dude I'm like a master at spelling and grammar. i can definitely proofread if someone else isn't already doing it...yeahhhhhh

 

 

Why not just give a link to it so that we can review it and point out any flaws? I'm also very good when it comes to grammar, as I always try to improve and correct myself on it as much as possible. I also enjoy reading, although I'm not to familiar of what Fallout Equestria is.

 

 

alright you guys, hes happy that so many people have decided to  help him out, if you would like to help him out send him an email at  Jackson.venegas@hotmail.com and his skype is Jackson Venegas

[Azura 1,107]

It depends how long the Fan Fiction is, since I don't always feel like reading things.

 

Anyway, hit me up and I'll proof-read it whenever I have time.

[Skullbuster 1,906]

Sure thing dude. I enjoy reading other's stories and especially proofreading them to make sure of Grammar and punctuation errors.

so...How do I read it?

 

 

i would please email to mrsbeale01@gmail.com

am more than happy to proof read most fan fics and can let you know bout punctuation and grammar

 

 

dude I'm like a master at spelling and grammar. i can definitely proofread if someone else isn't already doing it...yeahhhhhh

 

 

Why not just give a link to it so that we can review it and point out any flaws? I'm also very good when it comes to grammar, as I always try to improve and correct myself on it as much as possible. I also enjoy reading, although I'm not to familiar of what Fallout Equestria is.

 

 

It depends how long the Fan Fiction is, since I don't always feel like reading things.

 

Anyway, hit me up and I'll proof-read it whenever I have time.

ok every one who wanted to help my friend out here is the first chapter of his fan fic 

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EHNeeUadX4WSjU_6ZOwE5LcYed1td_j2NTleT3HfMhw/edit

 

make sure to post what you think of it, he will be reading the responses 

 

the authors note, the chapter isnt finished

Edited December 8, 2012 by Skullbuster

[One 498]

I noticed I was allowed to comment on the Google Doc, in which I would normally go ahead and share about grammar mistakes that should be fixed, but I'm currently on mobile so that's to much work.

So here you go:

 

 

“It’s been nineteen years today that I had been in Stable 33, so why does it feel like any other day?”

 

My first thought: "Does this person even speak English?" This sentence needs to be seriously rethought.

 

“Hell, the only thing really celebrated is a cute-ceñera, which celebrates the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work in the Stable depending on what the mark represented.”

 

Is stable a proper-noun in this sentence? I'm guessing not, but you use it as a proper-noun throughout the entire story, so please tell me what you are talking about. Also there is no need to put the word 'celebrate' twice, instead the world 'is' could replace 'celebrates' which would also help the sentence not seem as long. Or you could take my other example.

 

So:

“Hell, the only thing really celebrated is a cute-ceñera, which celebrates the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work in the Stable depending on what the mark represented.”

 

Could be:

“Hell, the only thing ('really' seems like it could go here since of the perspective this part is written in, but be warned it could get repetitive and overall annoying if said to often) celebrated here is a cute-ceñera. (not sure if spelled correctly/should be capitalized since it's not an actual 'word'. The author should decide what's best, but I suggest 'Cutie-Ceñera' or 'Cute-Ceñera' both work good. I kept it 'cute-ceñera' so you could decide what to do with it. Also notice the period which ends this use to be long run-on sentence.) It's the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work at the stabe their mark designates.”

 

Without parenthesis:

“Hell, the only thing celebrated here is a cute-ceñera. It's the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work at the stable their mark designates.”

 

Basically just mess around with the sentences and see what flows together the best. Makes it work with the surrounding sentences and keep a slight rythme.

 

“‘Happy birthday Strong Hooves’ I silently said to myself.”

 

Should be:

“‘Happy birthday Strong Hooves.’ I silently said to myself.”

 

Sidenote: Hopefully you get how you quote inside quotes so I don't mess you up there. As written in the story it should be shown as:

 

“Happy birthday Strong Hooves.” I silently said to myself.

 

So just keep that in mind.

 

“That was when my life as a security pony began…”

 

This implys that because of his cutiemark he started working as a security guard (or security pony) but it doesn't really say why. When I read this a few questions came to mind.

Did he not think that's what it meant but his dad forced him?

Did he agree and started to work as a security guard?

It feels like a lot is missing from the story, but this could be intentional.

 

“Doors like that of my bathroom were always issues for me.”

 

Reread that a couple times and see if you can figure out the problem. First I'm going to point out that 'always issues' should atleast be 'always an issue'. You shouldn't put two plural words together like that. If you can't figure out the rest here's some help:

 

“Smaller doors like in my bathroom have always been an issue for me.”

 

I find this sentence works better, but still it's up to you to decide what works the best.

 

“I think that thought was what gave me the edge I needed to finally get the heavy crate off the ground long enough for the trapped pony to scramble away.”

 

I found the issue with this sentence is of how vague it is. Mostly because of the insertion of the word 'think' which makes it more unclear of the event that just happend.

 

“‘Damn it Junker’ growled Patron at the injured pony, ‘Why’d you have to go on and pull that stunt!’”

 

First let me point out a common 'mistake'. Can you growl words? Can you growl as you say words? You can growl before you say something or after, but I'm pretty sure not as you say it. I see this a lot and it mildly annoys me. You need to reposition the action and dialouge. Also at the end of “Damn it Junker” there should be a period or exclamation mark, yet again up to you to decide. You show a little of what I'm trying to say in the next sentence, which you executed very nicely.

 

“‘I… d-didn’t mean t-’ stuttered Junker as he tried to reply through gritted teeth.”

 

Although:

 

“‘I... d-didn't mean t-.’ Stuttered Junker as he tried to reply through gritted teeth.”

 

Would be better. (Added a period and capitalized 'stuttered'.

 

Some quick fixes with these:

 

“Hah! You would do that you giant snitch!” snapped Whiplash indignantly.

“Yeah!” agreed Patron, “You really think we care about what you tell our mothers?”

 

Should be:

 

“Hah! You would do that you giant snitch!” Snapped Whiplash indignantly.

“Yeah!” Agreed Patron, “You really think we care about what you tell our mothers?”

 

Another mistake:

“I never saw anything wrong with that, it’s not like it’s gotten me into any trouble, so why change it?”

 

I see the same mistake here as I've seen before. (The one where I questioned your ability to speak English.) You used “it's” as if it meant “It has” not “It is”.

 

Also, I'm not an English teacher and failed many of my English classes. (Not kidding, I finally learned the vowels in 4th grade, and what a noun was in 7th. Not to mention there were always words I constantly misspelled (oddly enough 'definitely' was never one of them)) So if there are any mistakes that I made please correct me.

 

 

So I hope that helped...

[Skullbuster 1,906]

I noticed I was allowed to comment on the Google Doc, in which I would normally go ahead and share about grammar mistakes that should be fixed, but I'm currently on mobile so that's to much work.

So here you go:

 

 

“It’s been nineteen years today that I had been in Stable 33, so why does it feel like any other day?”

 

My first thought: "Does this person even speak English?" This sentence needs to be seriously rethought.

 

“Hell, the only thing really celebrated is a cute-ceñera, which celebrates the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work in the Stable depending on what the mark represented.”

 

Is stable a proper-noun in this sentence? I'm guessing not, but you use it as a proper-noun throughout the entire story, so please tell me what you are talking about. Also there is no need to put the word 'celebrate' twice, instead the world 'is' could replace 'celebrates' which would also help the sentence not seem as long. Or you could take my other example.

 

So:

“Hell, the only thing really celebrated is a cute-ceñera, which celebrates the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work in the Stable depending on what the mark represented.”

 

Could be:

“Hell, the only thing ('really' seems like it could go here since of the perspective this part is written in, but be warned it could get repetitive and overall annoying if said to often) celebrated here is a cute-ceñera. (not sure if spelled correctly/should be capitalized since it's not an actual 'word'. The author should decide what's best, but I suggest 'Cutie-Ceñera' or 'Cute-Ceñera' both work good. I kept it 'cute-ceñera' so you could decide what to do with it. Also notice the period which ends this use to be long run-on sentence.) It's the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work at the stabe their mark designates.”

 

Without parenthesis:

“Hell, the only thing celebrated here is a cute-ceñera. It's the day a colt or filly gets their cutiemark, and is finally able to begin work at the stable their mark designates.”

 

Basically just mess around with the sentences and see what flows together the best. Makes it work with the surrounding sentences and keep a slight rythme.

 

“‘Happy birthday Strong Hooves’ I silently said to myself.”

 

Should be:

“‘Happy birthday Strong Hooves.’ I silently said to myself.”

 

Sidenote: Hopefully you get how you quote inside quotes so I don't mess you up there. As written in the story it should be shown as:

 

“Happy birthday Strong Hooves.” I silently said to myself.

 

So just keep that in mind.

 

“That was when my life as a security pony began…”

 

This implys that because of his cutiemark he started working as a security guard (or security pony) but it doesn't really say why. When I read this a few questions came to mind.

Did he not think that's what it meant but his dad forced him?

Did he agree and started to work as a security guard?

It feels like a lot is missing from the story, but this could be intentional.

 

“Doors like that of my bathroom were always issues for me.”

 

Reread that a couple times and see if you can figure out the problem. First I'm going to point out that 'always issues' should atleast be 'always an issue'. You shouldn't put two plural words together like that. If you can't figure out the rest here's some help:

 

“Smaller doors like in my bathroom have always been an issue for me.”

 

I find this sentence works better, but still it's up to you to decide what works the best.

 

“I think that thought was what gave me the edge I needed to finally get the heavy crate off the ground long enough for the trapped pony to scramble away.”

 

I found the issue with this sentence is of how vague it is. Mostly because of the insertion of the word 'think' which makes it more unclear of the event that just happend.

 

“‘Damn it Junker’ growled Patron at the injured pony, ‘Why’d you have to go on and pull that stunt!’”

 

First let me point out a common 'mistake'. Can you growl words? Can you growl as you say words? You can growl before you say something or after, but I'm pretty sure not as you say it. I see this a lot and it mildly annoys me. You need to reposition the action and dialouge. Also at the end of “Damn it Junker” there should be a period or exclamation mark, yet again up to you to decide. You show a little of what I'm trying to say in the next sentence, which you executed very nicely.

 

“‘I… d-didn’t mean t-’ stuttered Junker as he tried to reply through gritted teeth.”

 

Although:

 

“‘I... d-didn't mean t-.’ Stuttered Junker as he tried to reply through gritted teeth.”

 

Would be better. (Added a period and capitalized 'stuttered'.

 

Some quick fixes with these:

 

“Hah! You would do that you giant snitch!” snapped Whiplash indignantly.

“Yeah!” agreed Patron, “You really think we care about what you tell our mothers?”

 

Should be:

 

“Hah! You would do that you giant snitch!” Snapped Whiplash indignantly.

“Yeah!” Agreed Patron, “You really think we care about what you tell our mothers?”

 

Another mistake:

“I never saw anything wrong with that, it’s not like it’s gotten me into any trouble, so why change it?”

 

I see the same mistake here as I've seen before. (The one where I questioned your ability to speak English.) You used “it's” as if it meant “It has” not “It is”.

 

Also, I'm not an English teacher and failed many of my English classes. (Not kidding, I finally learned the vowels in 4th grade, and what a noun was in 7th. Not to mention there were always words I constantly misspelled (oddly enough 'definitely' was never one of them)) So if there are any mistakes that I made please correct me.

 

 

So I hope that helped...

he read the reveiw and thanks you he is working on the mistakes, the reason why stable is capitalized is because it is a place, his words:

" the Stable is the place that he lives, so I do believe it should be capitalized as I have it. Stable 33 is a whole community essentially, as it was meant to hold a large number of ponies as well as support them for long periods of time. And the word 'it's' can be used for both 'it is' and 'it has' it only depends on the what the sentence says that determines how it is portrayed."

 

he also wishes that you comment on the document so it is easier for him to reply to you