MLP Forums, here's my first attempt at writing fan fiction.

[tdtuesday1 11]

EDIT: I hate to do this, but this got no attention, so I'll update it to bring back to the top.If you could please just give me a little help it'd be great.

 

Okay MLP Forums, here's my first go at it. Now I don't plan on expanding this story for now, it's just to test my writing and get some well-needed criticism. Now, don't worry about being mean. Go nuts with it. Pick it apart from plot holes to grammatical errors, and everything in between. Alright, here it is. It's just a first chapter, so that's why it cuts off at the very end.

 

 

“Fire and Ice”

            Well, my dearest friend, I’m here to tell you a story. A story of love, a story of hate, and a story of the importance of family. This is a story to learn from, so listen closely. You might just want to take notes too. Anywho, onto the story.

            It was still raining. Nopony could clear the clouds, there were too many for the workforce Cloudsdale had to offer. It was even more immense over the Everfree forest, because nopony wanted to go near there to clear up the damned things. It began to flood. Celestia put out orders for everypony in the forest for any exploration purposes to immediately leave.

            But there were two ponies still there.

            One was a brave stallion by the name of Fire Flash. He is an orange pony, with a short yellow and red mane. His wide wings glowed with a fiery tint. However, he was no pegasus. He was an alicorn, harnessing the power of fire and heat in his powerful magic.

            The second was an equally strong stallion, named Silver Wind. He is a blue pony, with a long, silver mane. His wings were cold as ice, and shone under the moonlight. He was not a pegasus either, he too was an alicorn, using ice and chill in his dark magic.

            These two stallions were tense enemies. They have been fighting a long battle since they were young, a battle tied generations back in family affairs between them. Peace had never been an option.

This story, my friend, started a long time ago, between the two families. It started when the fathers of these ponies knew that they were too old to continue fighting this battle. So they turned to their children. They soon realized that if their children, if they were to carry on the fight, could not be mere earth ponies, pegasi, or unicorns. They needed to be alicorns, the most powerful of all races, to be victorious. Fire Flash’s father was the first to request that Celestia make his son an alicorn, as he was just a small earth pony, still a filly. Celestia was outraged at such a request, and denied it. Silver Wind’s father gained news of this and knew what must be done. He took his son and met an “old friend” of his, one that Silver did not know of.

            So they walked across the streets of bustling Canterlot and entered the royal garden. Silver was fascinated by this place, so full of plants and statues everywhere. Eventually, Silver’s father stopped and looked up at one of the many statues.

            “Watcha looking at, Dad?” Silver asked.

            “This…is my old friend, Silver,” He replied. “An old friend of our family, from a long, long, time ago. Or at least, he was.”

            Silver was puzzled. It was just a statue!  An odd one, he thought. This one was posed awkwardly, and the creature had a pony’s head, dragon’s tail, a lion’s and gryphon’s arms, and all kinds of mixed-up body parts molded into one.

            “Unfortunately, to wake him up, we must create disharmony,” Silver’s father said, expressionless. “You know about that, don’t you? They must teach you something at school.”

            “Oh, yeah! They teach us that disharmony is bad and destroys friendship,” Silver said. “Princess Celestia said it herself, I think.”

            “Good. Now if I’m right, and I have no reason to doubt myself…” Silver’s father scratched his beard, thinking. “A certain somepony should be here if he’s smart enough to have the same idea.”

            “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Fire Flash and his father appeared, walking towards the same statue. “Now back off, and let US handle this.”

            “You fool,” Silver’s father said. “You cannot unleash him by yourself. He needs a lot of disharmony. It’s been a long time since either of our families have seen him. And you know can’t create that yourself, you arrogant waste of--”

            “Oh, shut up, old man!” Fire Flash said, impatiently.

            “Who are you telling to shut up?!” Squeaked Silver Wind. “I oughta go over there and shut your trap myself for talkin’ like that to my dad!”

            “Oh yeah?!” Fire Flash yelled back. “Come over here and try!”

            The two fillies ran at each other, fuming. Fire Flash tackled Silver Wind to the ground, both ponies swinging hooves at each other. Fire Flash was trained to fight by his father since the tender age of 5, so he knew what he was doing. Silver Wind was taught to only fight when necessary, and to maintain honor whenever possible, though he didn’t always agree with it. Fire Flash tossed that out the window.

            Fire Flash landed two clean hits in Silver’s jaw. Silver caught the third and used his back hooves to throw Fire off him. He jumped up, ran forward, and threw a haymaker at him. Fire ate it, looked back at Silver, and spit blood in his face before landing a quick roundhouse kick. Silver hit the ground. He looked up to his father, who remained silent next to Fire Flash’s father. They were both watching the fight closely, knowing that it was impossible at their age to get involved. Fire Flash ripped Silver Wind from the ground and threw him at the base of the statue.

            “You’re as dumb as you look,” Fire Flash said with a grin. He wiped the blood from his lip and walked over to Silver Wind, who was still dazed. “You should’ve known better than to pick a fight with me. And now, I’m gonna pound you to a bloody pulp.”

            Silver smiled and lifted his leg into Fire’s groin. Fire didn’t get a chance to scream before Silver landed two solid blows in his face and chest. He capitalized and leaped on Fire Flash, and put three precise punches into his sternum. Silver backed off, knowing it was common courtesy not to attack an opponent more than 3 times on the ground. Fire gasped for breath, having the wind knocked out of him. Silver stood at a fighting stance, waiting for Fire to get up, so he could end the fight. Fire slowly stood, and turned to Silver, a deep anger blazing in his eyes. Fire Flash yelled and ran at Silver. Silver ran to meet him in the middle, both of them having hooves raised for running strike. As they got closer, a powerful magic teleported all of them out of the garden in a bright flash.

            Everything was spinning. Silver Wind was dizzy. Fire Flash couldn’t see straight. When they came to, they saw the creature in the statue alive, and talking.

            “You must be Fire Flash,” The creature said with a smile. “And you…you must be Silver Wind. I see now. Being trapped in stone lets you hear everything, but not what everypony looks like. Anyhow, what was I saying? Ah, yes. I’m the great and powerful God of Disharmony, Di— ”

            “Discord,” Interrupted Silver Wind, struggling to stand. “You’re Discord. I remember now. But how did you get out? You were trapped in stone for a thousand damn years!”

            “Well, watch your language, young filly,” Discord ruffled his hair. “You two fought intensely enough to create just the right amount of disharmony to awaken me. I had to pull you two out quickly though, I was afraid the guards might hear you.” Discord chuckled.

            “Speaking of which,” Said Fire Flash. “Where in Celestia are we? I don’t know this place.”

            It was a dark room, in a beat-up, rotting wooden cottage. It was in the middle of the vast Everfree Forest, out of sight of everypony nearby. Even Ponyville was a long way away from the cottage. You see, my friend, nopony had explored this area in a long, long time. Inside the cottage was moving furniture, talking lamps, and walls that moved on their own. Nothing was at peace.

            “You’re in the Everfree Forest, my dear little filly. Welcome to ‘La Casa a la Discord’. Make yourselves comfortable, if you can, I must discuss something with your parents.” Discord turned to them (who were patiently waiting beside the fillies) with a frown and said, “You woke me up at an inconvenient time. I wasn’t ready. Now lucky for you I’m an old friend of your families, so I’ll allow you to explain why you seem to be wasting my time.”

            “We ask that you transform our sons into alicorns to end our family feud,” Silver Wind’s father said. “We cannot do it at our age, and we need more than an earth pony’s strength to do the job.”

            “Yes, we are too weak. Also, we know your magic can render it permanent, so that their children may be alicorns as well. We hope that this power can be used to finally end our long and pointless feud.” Fire Flash’s father continued.

            “That’s it?” Discord said, chuckling. “Pfft, fine, done. Though I must ask, why not end it yourselves?” Discord realized what he said. “I’m not saying I don’t like it of course, I looooove the disharmony. It’s simply orgasmic. But it’s just a little…odd. And that’s coming from ME.”

            “Thank you, Discord,” Fire Flash’s father said. “But our fathers, and their fathers before, have cursed upon us the burden of this feud. We cannot let it go, until one of our family trees has ended. It means too much to our families.”

            “That’s beautiful! So much disharmony…” Discord moaned. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a rush. Okay, I’ll make your silly fillies alicorns, though they’d need to get a hang of the wings and magic. It takes some effort. But alas, their feeble minds can still learn.”

            Discord turned to the two fillies and looked down at them. Cracking his knuckles, he put out his hands towards the two fillies and put a large burst of magic into each of them, raising them into the air, both of them writhing in pain. Discord was visibly exhausted, and was struggling to maintain the spell. Eventually, wings began growing outward from their sides and horns began extruding from their skulls. Blood began to drip from the points of growth, and the boys screamed more. When the growing stopped, Discord threw his hands down, panting. The fillies’ wounds began to heal themselves.

            “Well,” Said Discord, still panting. “That was very exhausting. You didn’t even let me warm up first.” He looked down at the boys, their bodies unconscious from the powerful magic. “At least their damn wings are there. Those don’t always turn out right. You’re lucky.”

            “What will they be able to do with their magic?” Asked Silver Wind’s father.

            “They will gain the magic from their ancestors and their inner destinies,” Discord said matter-of-factly. “In laypony’s terms, Fire Flash uses fire, Silver Wind uses ice.” He rubbed his hands together and laughed. “This is going to be so much fun!”

            “I’m sure,” Said Fire Flash’s father. “But make sure that you have a decoy statue in place. Don’t want things getting suspicious around here.”

            “Oh please, grandpa. I already got that done.” Discord groaned. “I’ve been asleep for a thousand years, that’s doesn’t mean I got any stupider. Now, I’ll teleport you back to your homes. I can care for your young, precious little fillies.” He snapped his fingers and the fathers were gone. He turned to the sleeping fillies. “Sleep tight. Tomorrow you’re going to begin this grand old fight. And it’s going to be brilliant.” Discord laughed to himself as he left the room. Just then, a mark of fire emblazoned itself on the flank of Fire Flash. Then, a mark of ice was frozen on Silver Wind’s. Their destinies sealed. And that, my friend, was only the beginning.

           

 

 

 

There you go. Now rip it apart.

Edited August 19, 2013 by tdtuesday1