Count to a million

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382165

 

Depends who's here Base.

 

Some listen, some reply.

 

Anything brought about this revelation?

[Grepper 3,193]

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382167

 

382163

 

Yep, everyone's still sick of my crap.

 

 

Why do you say that?

There were positive comments and people asked about it.

[BastementSparkle 20,335]

382168

 

 

 

Anything brought about this revelation?

 

 

My own thoughts. What people have said to me, memories from my past, spending too much time on the internet reading peoples comments on things relevant to my personality.

 

 When I thought back to the people who "Mistreated" me when I was a kid, all those "bullies". I can't help but think they were right.

 

And there were positive comments. Up until I said how I really felt, then it went sour. I should have left it at the positive part, why can't I just learn my lesson?

[Grepper 3,193]

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382170

 

Jeez, don't beat yourself up over it.

 

We all say or do things without thinking or carry on talking/doing something when we should have stopped.

 

So are you saying that your earlier outpouring wasn't sincere?

[BastementSparkle 20,335]

382171

 

 

 

So are you saying that your earlier outpouring wasn't sincere?

 

 

Which part are you asking about? I need to know what you mean before I can answer if it was sincere, my thoughts are a jumbled mess right now.

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

You said that you need to get a job & change who you are.

 

Then you went on to say that it went sour when you said how you really feel.

 

Is the first bit still extant or was that said over the top of your true feelings?

 

382172

[Grepper 3,193]

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[BastementSparkle 20,335]

382174

 

 

 

You said that you need to get a job & change who you are.

 

I mean this.

 

 I think people took it differently than how I intended. They took it as a good thing, which makes sense, it seems like a good thing, but that's not necessarily what it is for me.

 

 I'm not planning to do this for my benefit or happiness. I'm going to get a job, so I can be useful. My personality has no worth, until I make myself useful. I plan to change who I am, even in ways I don't want, so that I can finally be pleasant to be around. There's no worth to "Being myself".

 

 I guess I was looking for two things. Either someone to prove me right, or someone to prove me wrong. Because I don't want to live like this, but it seems the only way I'll ever make anything out of myself is by ignoring my own feelings and desires and forcing myself into a life I don't want anyway. 

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382175

 

It upsets me to hear you or anyone say that their personality has no worth.

Some people have unpleasant personalities but it's still their personality but people are unlikely to warm to them or want to spend time with them.

 

I don't think you have an unpleasant personality, just a bit odd.

[Grepper 3,193]

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[Moony the Cat 3,707]

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

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It also doesn't feel that an open forum like this is the best place to be waiting for the sort of response you wanted.

You're relying on the right or wrong person being here at that time.

Admittedly pming has its foibles as you don't know if they've read your message and then you don't know if they'll reply

[PacificGreen 1,165]

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[Grepper 3,193]

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[BastementSparkle 20,335]

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It upsets me to hear you or anyone say that their personality has no worth.

 

 

It's me trying to convince myself of something I don't really believe, honestly. Even people with unpleasant personalities I feel still have worth. They can still be great to someone. Someone bitter and angry can still have a lot of good to them. Though some people are dangerous still...

 

 

 

It also doesn't feel that an open forum like this is the best place to be waiting for the sort of response you wanted.

 

 

 Wasn't planning on using this place like that again, I just...sank into a really low mood. Probably won't try to do it again, hopefully I don't sink this low again.

[Moony the Cat 3,707]

382182

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382182

 

Part of it is finding the right way to ask for help/people's time.

 

People flit in and out of the forum, I guess it's the lack of guarantee of people being there.

 

If you feel low again, please say or ask if someone is able to chat

[Moony the Cat 3,707]

382184

[BastementSparkle 20,335]

382185

 

Alright, sorry. I need to figure out...first at least how to cope with this a bit better. Sometimes I manage to calm myself down successfully, I need to learn how to do that more often, and get a bit better about asking for help in a better way.

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

382186

 

Life's complicated enough without beating yourself up about it.

 

Finding your place in this world is difficult, especially if you don't have a clear idea of what you want to do.

[BastementSparkle 20,335]

382187

 

Yeah.

 

 Thanks for talking with me, I think I'm good for now. I'm going to try and avoid really thinking about things for a bit, try not to stress myself out.

[Grepper 3,193]

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,110]

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I'll try to help if I can.

 

How about going for a walk?

Get some fresh air.

 

It's getting late 0100

I'm going to sign off for now.

 

Night Base