FoE Side Story. Can someone critique and Editors needed

[Guardian Braveheart 23]

So I've been bored a while and started reading fics left and right. Then I stumbled upon Fallout Equestria and because I'm a die-hard Fallout fan, I made this Side Story. Sure there are a ton of Side Stories out there, but I just enjoy writing these. So, I want someone to critique these and possibly get some Editors to help me.

 

Link to the Story:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cRRp2LMagANzcyZ_2eQATjBWsUAFrDbQ_ZiqUxl9dOM/edit#heading=h.km5haxuog7co

 

I would appreciate the help if you, the reading public, would like to help. If you're interested in being an editor, just say your Gmail account so you can edit it.

Edited March 22, 2014 by Guardian Braveheart