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Opinions on a Fic I'm working on.


Krimzik

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Hey.

 

I'm currently working on a story that I'll be posting on my FFN account (or FimFiction if the registration page ever gets fixed..)

and was wondering if I could get a few thoughts on it:

 

Basic Idea:

 

After getting burned for the last time by Rarity, Spike gives up on love, deciding it just isn't worth the pain. Twilight, however, enlists the aid of the rest of the Mane 6 and a few others to help 'repair' their broken dragon.

 

Fans of the little marshmallow, don't worry. I won't be bashing her (A firm noogie perhaps, but bash? No.)

 

I had considered posting it here as I went, but it's a multi-chapter story and there will be mature content in it. Plus I don't really know what the rating limit is.

 

However, I will offer a snippet of what I have so far:

 

Spike simply looked at her. His eyes had a slight dullness to him, "I'm tired, Twilight.." He replied half-heartedly,  the slight baritone voice carrying the same emotions as his face, "I'm tired of running myself ragged for somepony who barely even looks my way. I'm tired of trying to impress a unicorn only to have her look right through me." His voice was starting to rise at this point as he walked over to the couch and slumped down in it, "Most of all, I'm sick and tired of trying to prove myself to a mare who goes all ga-ga over some high society prettystallion but won't even see what's in front of her enough to give me a bucking chance!"
 
So, how's it sound so far?
 
 
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