Alright, so this is going to be a long entry maybe? It's going to touch on many different topics that not all people will agree with. I encourage you to leave comments and your own oppinions, however, no picking on anyone who leaves their oppinion. I don't care about me, I am fine with who I am, but the moment someone starts shit infront of me is the moment we are going to have a problem... So, we all have a voice, if you want use it, but under no circumstances is anyone to name names*

 

Just a precaution before I jumped in to just wrighting. People either love it or they hate it. I am not trying to start anything, I just am who I am.

 

Aight so this is not going to be edited, I do appologize for the bad grammar and spelling.... ma bad

 

We are taking a stoned adventure though my mind. So without further speculation let us venture forth into the chaotic web of crazy that has become the mind of the fabulous and utterly amazing Purple Pony. ~yes, I know... I am a mouthful

 

I am not quite there.... gimme a sec.....

 

 

Currently I am listening to music that at one point spoke to me. I feel like some are new and exciting, while others meaning has changed. I hope some change once again but I won't go there right now. To protect people and their feelings I am not using any names in this post, as this is not anything but me and my oppinion and my thoughts and facts. (yall gonna hate, hate on me)

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kXaviCBrJE

it gives me great joy hearing this song, I remember not wanting more. I remeber being content with screwing myself. Now I mean this both literally and figurativly speaking. We all have needs. I rushed into this relationship and this is the song that just jit with us.. just this cute love and it looks so perfect and fun and then all of a sudden it doesn't work out to be quite what you thought it would be. It feels like a smack to the face, the smile is both happy and knowing, I wear it with pride and confusion. It is the same confusion I once had before.

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ

This one is past me, not to this extent but quite close. It is something I still struggle with, something I want to go back to, something I miss. Perhaps it's just thhe past that I miss, but it was easy and satisfying. It was life. I am better than that now, I don't regret it or anything I did or anything that happened. I don't want to go back but it seems I want to. I just want to feel again. This would ruin everything. I can not, but I want. To hurt is to feel, to feel is to live. I just don't care, but then I do. It tears and one side will eventually win. I am sorry. I can't do everything and make everything work.... no one will be happy in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fngvQS_PmQ

Mmmmmmm Legalis (or however you spell his name) I can't even begin to explain the things that we would do and perhaps did do...... Oh the interesting memories.My obsession with him turned into a LOTR obsession, and then a Hobbit obsession lol. This song explains an unachievable feat. This song has been my new inspiration for my RP, as I write I feel this song. The words "I hope that you will remember me." rings through my ears.

I will finish this, no matter how long it takes. For my guilty pleasure... it feels beautiful <3 I know it has changed a lot, however the roots remain the same and it is nice to see a small constant that has stayed with me. I will finish

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLvq_1Rx95Y

This one is slightly embarassing.... I haven't sung this song in a very long while. I don't know if I can. I feel sad, guilty, but some how there feels like hope. Maybe the stars will shine for a future, but they have been dim for a very long time. It is not you it is me. You need something better. I am no good, I am nothing you should want, nor deserve. You want a good girl, you don't need someone like me. I am sorry this probably isn't what you wanted to hear...

The song makes me sad because I will always love you, it's just too bad. Maybe one day the stars.... but I can tell you now they won't :'(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up06CryWQpE

It wouldn't even matter if I mentioned your name here.... you will not ever see this. I am ok with this...

You remind me of the things I always fall for. True you are stability, but everything else tells me no. Let it go... he has to go. He is on a journey to better his life. I know you would do anything and give up anything to have a shot with me..... but I just can not jump into a relationship again, spend years of commitment only to have to pick up the pieces and move on.. It wouldn't be you either, honestly it is me.. I am so sorry for this. I should tell you but I can get it out, perhaps I like you but you are moving forward in your life, don't not because of me, I won't work.. I am far past broken. Sorry </3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQmEd_UeeIk

To all the nameless boys, and girls I have hurt..... I know there are a few of you. I care about all of you. All of you are cool... I am sorry it didn't work, but thanks for the night out. I just want to find myself and my own happiness, honestly thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc

 

Tears no longer well up in my eyes... perhaps I am speaking too soon... I will see by the end of the song. I used to bawl when I heard this song. It portrays my idea of death so well and I just didn't get how a song could connect with me that much and make me feel so guilty for not be 'sad' and mourning the way i was expected to. I will forever miss you Danny, but you taught me the value of life. It was not imediate but it finially sunk in. May you rest in peace, but I will not make the mistakes you did. It was not worth dying.

ps.... no tears, wow

 

 

 

 

 

 

QuirkyUsername Clockwork Chaos

I seriously am so greatful for you guys, this is our song <3 I love you both very much. You both have helped me in a really weird way that I will forever be greatful for...

 

 

 

 

This song is a gooder I liked it back when I was an escort makin dollars for my addictions... it was my crawling out of the darkness song. I could maybe love myself............. Flashforward to where I am now and realizing that nothing has changed..... I am who I am and I will always be this.... I will always be me </3

 

 

 

 

So here it is, without the music, with out the fluff. I was this care free young lady who took chances, grabed the wrong ones in hopes that I would not be left behind. I asked you to call me later. but in the end our love was not to be, you sent me into a downward spiral. It was what I wanted I wanted to love and to feel. Soon you learn to not feel because it hurts less. The pain of the past that every soul carries with them.. I ran and hid behind things like speed, mdma, ectasy, and many other drugs. In order to support my escape I took opportunities. I soared high with the A team. It felt great not to have to feel, to close my eyes and see a better life, to not feel pain, it was all I wanted. Then I realized we are all under the upper hand. There is no winner in this cruel thing called life.

 

I crawled away from drugs*, addictions, habbits and opportunities, but you can't come out of that whole...

I watch the flames, they burn over life. I see fire. I see death and unpassable obsticles. However I have come to realize that no matter how dead I feel I affect others, I only hope that you all wil remeber me when I am gone. I am getting to close to the flame and although I got out I want back in. because I see life not being worth anything. People came into my life and saved me. By being there the fire I saw was extinguished.

I got better and felt like I was better than I once was..

 

I have found many people I love, I am going to hurt most of you. In the end I don't think any of you will 'win' or be happy with me.I don't think anyone will to be ...honestly.... and to all of you I am sorry... There are so many names... I am sorry

But to all of you honestly I do not think it was you.. I am just a no good whore. There is nothing about me anyone should want, I made too many wrong turns and I am afraid I am running out of gassoline. going around in circles... I am about burnt out. I know I have to let it go and many of you have shown me this. I just don't think it's enough or worth it.

 

In the end, the very end. I don't think it is a costume I can just take off. I am destined to be used. Destined to fade away. I am sorry, so sorry to you all.

 

Forever I will walk hand in hand with Anna, and Mia. Forever I will walk with my bruises and wounds. They are who I am. I no longer know love, or sadness. I simply do not care, the feels are gone. Like I said it's not you. It is the fact that I am used and hurt and broken... I no longer can belong to anyone, there's just not enough left to claim.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alright, so there... that is me in all my shame I feel nonw, I am who I am... It's just realizations and interesting moments that has brought about my crazy confusion. If it wasn't for these events though, I would have realized later just how damaged I truly am.

 

~PP