Okay, so, it's a little later than usual for the uploading of an entry compared to previous schedules, but I couldn't be assed to write a review until now have been spending the past couple of days reviewing the Celestianite bibles for more information about the Crystalling, as well as conducting my own research. There seems to be a great deal of people, Celestianite or otherwise, that believe in the Crystalling and think it's going to tear the fandom apart. And my proposal to stopping this event from happening was to focus more on the positives of the upcoming bad episodes instead of harping on the negatives like I usually do. But then I looked that the next five episodes or so, at least the number I'd have to review before the actual event (March 26th only on Discovery Family) and I realized...

...the Crystalling is bullshit.

Well, not complete bullshit, but the "illusion" of the perfect season relating to this event is pretty inaccurate. I actually have a lot of positive things to say about most immediate upcoming episodes, and given I have about four episodes to cover before the Crystalling, I think that's a fair deal. Now, that doesn't mean the Crystalling event isn't bullshit, because multiple groups refer to the event explicitly in their teachings under a series of different monikers. The Crystalling still has the opportunity to shatter this series once and for all, but I don't believe these foretold episodes in the books of Celestism are anything to be worked up about. We'll keep an eye out for the storm regardless though, just to test my theories. Without further ado, may the best pet win!

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

This opens up with a dream of Rainbow Dash's that involves her flying around like a maniac in the clouds. Suddenly, Owlowiscious comes to join her in racing, but the head of Winona soon takes itself upon the owl's body. Confused, Rainbow Dash be like "Dafuq" until all of her friends pets form this abomination of a creature until Rainbow Dash falls into the void. Upon waking up in the park, she realizes that its her friends' day for pet play. Realizing she doesn't have a pet, she starts to hint she might want one when Fluttershy gets overexcited and initiates a song.

As you can see from the song, Rainbow Dash decides to hold an event that will entail which of these standouts will be the best pet for her. The tests include being the best at guts, coolness, and sodomy, completely negating what a pet really needs, like, food, love, and sodomy. That's when Fluttershy brings in this tortoise that wants to try out for the games, and with enough persuasion from Rainbow Dick, he's finally aloud to try.

"You better be ready to bend over backwards for me! Literally!"

The games begin, and the first test is of speed. The falcon wins while the tortoise barely makes it over the start line. In the test of agility, the tortoise tumbles around while the hummingbird shows its stuff. However, it loses a point for not being able to give a high five without falling to the ground. Did I mention I hate Rainbow Dash? No. Okay, well, I'll tell you about that later. It's time for the test of guts. The butterfly shows intense bravery in trying to get Opal's favorite toy away from her. And by favorite toy, we of course mean one of Rarity's favorite "toys". Then, there's the test of style, which the tortoise....doesn't have? I mean, it's not like Rainbow Dash has any fucking style to begin with. Maybe if this was G3.

Look! Twins!

In the end, the tortoise does not make the cut, but instead, the Top 4 are the falcon, eagle, bat, and owl. If Rainbow Dash chooses the owl, then we're gonna have two owl pets, so we obviously know who's losing already. In today's PC world, you have to have racial diversity. Now it's time for the final event -- a race against Rainbow Dash through Gastly Gorge (Dun-Dun-Duuuuuun)! The rules: whichever animal can make it through the gorge with Rainbow Dash will have the honor and "glory" (more like horror) of being Rainbow Dash's pet. And henceforth the race commences, even with the tortoise participating after being told to get the fuck out. Many a challenges are ahead in Ghastly Gorge, and most pets are able to make it through except for one. Rainbow Dash. Indeed, she gets stuck under a rock. I can now sleep in peace. Good night everyone!

This is the greatest moment in the history of anything.

Rainbow Dash thinks that all hope is lost. And she's right. But before she can read it and weep, someone comes to save the day! Giving her reason to read it and weep, it's the tortoise. Disappointed, Rainbow Dash turns to sulking while I smile with glee, but they tortoise actually does the physically impossible (no, seriously, I'm 95% certain this is physically impossible) and lifts the rock up with his head. Back at the finish line, it is the falcon that makes it over first, and Dash's friends are initially cheering until the become confused when all four pets make it through without Rainbow Dash. Starting to become concerned (I wouldn't), they thinks she's dead. But not before this happens:

The tortoise has returned unhappiness to my times. Fucking shit!

Since the falcon crossed the finish line, everyone's congratulating Dash on earning the falcon. It's the best of the best, it can fly, it's cool, just like she wanted. But Rainbow Dash is starting to have a change of heart. See, the rules were whoever crosses the finish line with her would be her pet. And that was the tortoise! In excitement, Dash tells the falcon to fuck itself as she adopts the tortoise of all things as her new pet. Naming it "Tank", ten times a better name than fucking Owlowiscious, the tortoise and Rainbow Dash are off to spend many a great day with her new pet! That is, until "Tanks for the Memories" get here, but we'll just wait for season five to ru*Saves Draft*in everything. For now, good times.

"Hey, Tank! Any chance you could participate in a mudplay photoshoot?"

And that was "May the Best Pet Win!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eh.

Well, that's a better "Eh" than "The Cutie Pox" at least. I mean, this episode is objectively really good. Rainbow Dash improves "for the better" as a character and grows as a person and all that. Everything that would make a 10/10 for any other episode might just cut it here. But, you know what's holding this episode back? Rainbow Dash. If I've never made it clear in the entirety of my blog or my time on this forums in general, I fucking hate Rainbow Dash. She's one of the most annoying characters in the series, and this episode is no exception to the rule. Her attitude in this episode is pitiful, and it grinds me in all the wrong places. Her "tests" are annoying, her criteria is gag-worthy, and her dick attitude in general has never been funny, cute, pleasurable to watch, or whatever else people can think of to excuse her character. In this episode is stark particular, I couldn't stand any second of Rainbow Dash's dialogue, screen time, or focus in general. However, that's the only thing I don't like about this episode. Everything else is fine, so to show that it's not terrible I'll give "May the Best Pet Win!" an 8/10. Just...ugh...fuck Rainbow Dash.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See? Not a terrible episode! Further proving against the Celestinaite's Crystalling theory!

Well, we'll just have to continue debunking their shit in future reviews, because that's what a true anti-theist does! So until then, I'll see you guys in further chronicles of...

The Crystalling.