Have you ever talked about your feelings with a professional psychologist?

Have you ever talked about your feelings with a professional psychologist?

I have tried before, but I can't ever get anything long term due to transportation issues, among other things.

I have tried before, but I can't ever get anything long term due to transportation issues, among other things.

Well, maybe it's time to try again. I'm sure that there's a solution to your transportation problems.

Not really. I cannot drive, my dad has a vehicle but that is not an option, my brother's car is having troubles and my mom, which would probably be the only option, I would rather not burden her. She has far more important matters to deal with.

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Not really. I cannot drive, my dad has a vehicle but that is not an option, my brother's car is having troubles and my mom, which would probably be the only option, I would rather not burden her. She has far more important matters to deal with.

Also I think that your mom would be happy to help you.

Well, you can walk there. If it's far away you could ride a bike. If it's really far away you could take a train or a bus. Also I think that your mom would be happy to help you.

Sadly none of those things are an option. There are no passenger trains or buses near me at all, since I live in a shitty, worthless small town. I don't ride a bike either.

My mom might be happy to help, but I know she is busy with stuff, I really would rather not bother her with my stupid problems.

(Motivational speech incomin')

Kyoshi, why do you think the way you do?

In the great words of Rocky Balboa, from the movie Creed:  "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.  It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care strong you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.  You, you ain't a nobody, you can hit as hard as life.  But it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward, how much you can take, and keep moving forward.  That's how WINNIN' is done!"

You don't have to be this way, Kyoshi.  You can live the way you can make it yourself to be.

And "you can make your parents proud, you can make your school proud!  You can touch millions of people's lives, and the world will never be the same again, because you came this way!  Don't let nobody steal your dreams!  As we face a rejection and I know that we have a meeting and no one shows up, or somebody say, "You can count on me!" and they don't come through!  What if we have that kind of attitude?  Because we possess.  Nobody believes in you, you've lost again, and again, and again!  The lights are cut off, BUT YOU'RE STILL LOOKING AT YOUR DREAM, REVIEWING IT EVERYDAY AND SAYING TO YOURSELF 'IT'S NOT OVER, UNTIL I WIN!'"

"YOU CAN LIVE YOUR DREAM!"

"BECAUSE WE KNOW, WHEN WE ADD UP ALL THOSE INSTANCES, THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE FUCKIN' DIFFERENCE, BETWEEN WINNIN' AND LOSIN'!"

(Motivational speech incomin')

 

Kyoshi, why do you think the way you do?

 

In the great words of Rocky Balboa, from the movie Creed:  "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.  It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care strong you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.  You, you ain't a nobody, you can hit as hard as life.  But it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward, how much you can take, and keep moving forward.  That's how WINNIN' is done!"

 

You don't have to be this way, Kyoshi.  You can live the way you can make it yourself to be.

 

And "you can make your parents proud, you can make your school proud!  You can touch millions of people's lives, and the world will never be the same again, because you came this way!  Don't let nobody steal your dreams!  As we face a rejection and I know that we have a meeting and no one shows up, or somebody say, "You can count on me!" and they don't come through!  What if we have that kind of attitude?  Because we possess.  Nobody believes in you, you've lost again, and again, and again!  The lights are cut off, BUT YOU'RE STILL LOOKING AT YOUR DREAM, REVIEWING IT EVERYDAY AND SAYING TO YOURSELF 'IT'S NOT OVER, UNTIL I WIN!'"

 

"YOU CAN LIVE YOUR DREAM!"

 

"BECAUSE WE KNOW, WHEN WE ADD UP ALL THOSE INSTANCES, THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE FUCKIN' DIFFERENCE, BETWEEN WINNIN' AND LOSIN'!"

That is a movie. Life isn't a movie.

You're not seeing the point.  The point I'm making is that you do not give up.  No matter how many hits you take, no matter what life throws at you, you keep going, and YOU DON'T STOP, UNTIL YOU WIN!

I want you to listen to this video for motivation.  Close your eyes and ignore what you see on screen, and see why you're in the wrong for thinking the way you do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnsWA_j4xB8

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.  Life is pointless.  I mean everybody's.  I mean the universe.  I mean f*ckin' existence, man.  It's all pointless.  Life has no inherent meaning.  It has only the meaning we give it.  This is depressing to many, but I find it liberating.  You don't have to have any "grand" purpose in society for your life to be meaningful.  The firefighter who just pulled a family out of a burning building, the doctor who just performed a miraculous, life saving surgery, the scientist who invented a new form of clean energy, the president of the United States (...er... okay, maybe that last one was a bad example, considering the current orange one...), none of them has any more inherent value or meaning than you--not really, not in the grand scheme.  I mean, is it great to do those things?  Sure.  But that doesn't mean you have to for your life to have meaning.  Nothing that we think matters matters; the universe doesn't matter.  All that matters is whether we get a little happiness while we're here.

Consider this: a contemplative, a Buddhist monk, perhaps, living in isolation in the mountains of Tibet.  He has little to no contact with people.  He spends most of his life in solitude, much of it in a cave.  He spends his days in quiet contemplation.  He meditates for eights hours a day.  He doesn't write anything down for others to read.  His thoughts are just his own.  He doesn't teach others.  He just lives his own life.  He has no family.  His only contact with others is typically when he goes to a village occasionally for some food/supplies.  He doesn't have much in the way of possessions--only what he needs to survive.  He has a small house, more of shack or a hut, really.  When he's not meditating, he reads or stares at nature.  This is his life.  But he's happy.  He is at peace, and he enjoys his days.  He finds enjoyment and fascination in each seemingly mundane moment of consciousness.  When he's gone, he will be briefly remembered only as "that weird old hermit who lived up on that hill."  He will be quickly forgotten.  The world will be no different from him having been in it.  Now, the question is--was his life a waste?  Was it pointless and meaningless?  I don't think so.  Not at all.  Far from it.  He didn't invent anything, or contribute anything, or save any lives, or leave a legacy, but his existence was meaningful because it meant something to him.  When this planet is dead and the human race extinct, and every bit of matter in our world scattered to the stars from whence they came, that's all that will have mattered.

You could even extend this example further, and consider the life of a wild animal that isn't capable of the sort of "meaning" or "purpose" that we are.  He/she just eats, sleeps, and survives for as long is it can, and that's about the size of it.  But the animal enjoys some simple pleasures, too.  Was its life pointless?  Well, yes--as pointless as every life in the universe.  But any more or less pointless than your or mine, or any other human on Earth?  No.  But the animal doesn't beat itself up over the manner of its existence.  It just lives.  We're really no different, and we can try to do the same.

If something in your life is causing you active, external suffering (say, an abusive relationship, just as an example), then that's definitely something that needs to be dealt with.  But don't beat yourself up and hate yourself just because your life isn't some grand, spectacular thing that you think it should be in which you're changing the world like some other guy.  Don't compare yourself to others.  If there's something you enjoy, then enjoy it.  If you have any interest or hobby, or some time with your boyfriend, or a tasty meal, or a hot shower, or a pleasant sleep, or a good book, or a funny youtube video, anything that you enjoy, then let yourself enjoy it.  Really enjoy it.  Allow yourself to just be, and not get swept away by the [false] narrative that you're garbage because you're not doing more, or that you don't have some grand purpose.

And there's something else to keep in mind...

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Days like this make me wonder about how awesome it would be if I wasn't actually me.

I feel this way ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME.  Believe me.  But I've come to believe that this just isn't true.  What I mean is, if you could switch places with anyone on the planet of your choosing, you'd never feel that happiness and completeness that you want.  Nobody feels like they're perfect, that they've just got it made, and they won the jackpot of life.  Everybody has some kind of problem.  Everybody suffers in some way.  Everybody has those feelings that they're not doing what they're suppose to be doing, or they should be doing more.  If you didn't have these problems, you'd have some other problems.  So many of us look at others and think, "They have it so great.  Oh, if only I had their life, everything would be perfect."  But what we don't realize is that they're thinking the exact same thing about someone else.  Maybe even us.  I know how you feel.  Believe me.  I spend an inordinate amount of time wishing to be someone else.  (In my case, it's wishing to be female.)  I know how it feels.  It's a black hole at the center of your life that sucks everything else into it.  All I'm saying is that the idea that that feeling would vanish if you were somebody else is an illusion.  We need to figure out how to let go of that and just be.  I know it's hard, but I've managed to make a bit of progress at it, and life is much more tolerable now.  If I can do that, anyone can, because I was/am as broken as they come, for sure.