LIFE. OUR FINAL DECISION. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE PONY, NOTEWORTHY. HIS ONE-NIGHT MISSION: TO EXPLORE STRANGE NEW GENS, TO SEEK OUT NEW MARES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS,

OH YES! I've been waiting to talk about this one! OOOOOH BOY! The fun I had.

Following my last entry, I mentioned that I checked out a MLP G3 DVD from the library and that I'd be watching it that night. I kept my word, and I regretted it.

So before I really dig in, let me give it a fair rating:

As my mother always says, make sure you say something positive! Hmm. . . Pinkie Pie was there? Oh, and Rainbow, but I'll get to her later. Yeah, the positive ends there. The episode I watched was dubbed, "The Princess Promenade", and featured two other episodes to accompany it's trough of manure.

So as soon as I got home, sat around, and drew a bit, I popped in the disk and called up my friend. It took a while, but we eventually agreed to watch the full, 50-minute feature film.

The episode is just littered with bad writing. Everypony has no other emotion but happy, even Pinkie Pie, ponies don't intervene, and even the musical numbers sucked. The story starts off with about three breezies flying into "Ponyville" to aid in some kind of flower festival. The main breezy, Zipzeey (who is voiced by Andrea Libman, so you can imagine how many times I thought that was Pinkie), is allergic to flowers for some reason, but that's not really a problem. The "real" focus of the story is set on Hysteria (Her name is Wysteria, but I swear they kept saying, "Hysteria"), G3's very own, Twilight Sparkle. Hysteria, accompanied by Pinkie Pie, is digging around in the "royal"(?) flower guardian (after a song) when they find a weed. The two try to pull it out, but they end up falling in a deep hole. Zipzeey, who apparently has a close relation with Hysteria, follows them. The three find themselves in a dark tunnel that leads them toward a big pile of dino dung. (I'm not kidding on that one.) On top of the dung, however, was a flower that interested Hysteria, causing her to try and pick it up. Dino Dung awakens, reveals its name is Spike (the dragon) and he appoints Hysteria a princess for picking up a flower or something.

This is where the movie takes a turn for the worse. Everything before this point, I could handle. In fact, the notorious intro song didn't even play at the beginning, so it was giving me a good impression. Until the word, "Princess" was thrown in there.

I swear, to this day, I wish I had taken shots for every time someone said, "Princess", but I'll get to the shots later. Spike, for some reason, has access to a big castle in the middle of Ponyville. It's not introduced or even explained why the castle is there, but I had to run with it. Spike explains that the flower gives whoever picks it the power of a princess and is the rightful ruler of however big Ponyville is. Spike then describes that his "role" was to teach the new princess how to be one, and this point, you should already figure out what the rest of the story is about. Hysteria is taught how to be a princess, but it's too stern and she can't see her friends. . . blah blah blah. . . musical number. . . no freedom. . . destroys the Death Star. . . gives up princesshood.

Now, all that is fine and dandy, it's nothing I haven't seen before, but what makes these stories unique (despite having the same plot) is the resolution. Let's see how they solve this problem. . .

Princess Hysteria, in a drunken, depressing rage, messes around with Minty / Pinkie's Float (Which, by the way, I would totally ship.) and comes up with an A M A Z I N G resolution. I swear, this blows G4 out of the water. In fact, I think the rest of the world should try this.

Yeah, and they sang a song about it.

I think the only funny thing about that whole thing is that as soon as they started dancing and such, you could automatically see that Spike was the King. He dressed up and even went as far as making the ponies bow to him. Not joking, see it for yourself. (You can find the episode on XXnightmaremoonXX.de under the extras tab)

The whole thing is just littered with bad writing (as I said before). Not a single pony makes an advance toward Spike or pressures Hysteria about her princess problem. All the ponies in the town drop everything they're doing and sing a song about how there's, "A Princess in Town", which was just terrible. Every character has a stereotype and they follow it to the tee. This is where the drinking sets in. Firstly, I'm not old enough to drink, but that's fine. Water is more deadly. Rainbow Dash, who dresses so nice, has a bad habit. Every single line she has, ends with, or has multiple of, the word, "DARLING". As soon as I heard it twice, I grabbed a half-gallon of water and told my friend that every time Rainbow said, "Darling", I'd take a full swig. 40 Minutes and 36 swigs later, my hand is shaking, I've got a burning hatred for Rainbow Dash, and I'm screaming every time she appears on screen. My head is in the clouds, I can barely move, my bottle is just about empty, and I've got fifteen minutes left. At that point, my friend looked up "hyponatremia" and was begging me to stop, but I sucked it up and kept pushing 'till it was over. By the end of the night, I had water all over my shirt, I forgot how to swallow and I lugged my water-hopping bod into bed.

And that was my G3 experience. A simply delightful encounter with Rainbow Death and Hysteria. Though, I must add, they kept making references to Pinocchio which made me chuckle. Good job, G3, you got me to chuckle.

-RealityPublishing

Oh, I also took some snapshots of the. . . highlights. Have a look!