YES!

 

FINALLY, after two long years of this shit, I finally get to review.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A BEATLES ALBUM!

 

Ladies and Gentleman, please roll up for the Magical Mystery Tour!

 

 

Now, I must say, Magical Mystery Tour is one of the Beatles' best albums, even if it was originally not part of their official discography. But since the US already compiled the 1967 singles with the original British Magical Mystery Tour EP, it was more convenient to make this album part of the Beatles legacy. And boy is it worth it. With great songs like "The Fool on the Hill", "I Am the Walrus", and "Strawberry Fields Forever", this album is enough to make you cum more buckets than a brony on 4chan.

 

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Wait, what's that? I'm reviewing "Magical Mystery Cure"?

 

....

 

Are you sure I can't just review Magical Mystery Tour. I'll get less shit from audiences for it.

 

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Please stop shoving your pitchfork up my ass.

 

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Thanks, Satan. You're a star.

 

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*sigh*

 

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*lays behind desk for cover*

 

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*ahem*

 

...

 

Welcome one and all to the season three wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!

 

 

Here we are, folks. The final episode of season three. It's been a long time, but now I'm coming back home. I feel as though you ought to know that this episode is relatively controversial. Not only did people flip their shit over mere previews of this episode, but people are still very adamant that this is the worst thing in the history of anything ever. Well, as we watch this episode, we'll see if I agree with you fuckers at all. So, without further ado, let me take you down, 'cause I'm rolling up for the "Magical Mystery Cure". Spoilers ahead.

 

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So this episode opens up with a Beauty and the Beast-like musical number called "Morning in Ponyville Shimmers", about what a certainly fine day it is. Personally, I think South Park did a better job, but that's a given in almost any comparison between My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and South Park. However, it seems her shimmer is about to come to a sunset (somebody fucking kill me) as it appears that Rarity has Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. After the title sequence gives me testicles the size of my kidneys, we see that it's not just Rarity, but all of her friends that have swapped cutie marks. Cleverly, the writers made it so that everyone received a talent that we as the audience know they'd suck at. Rarity is given Dash's weather job, Dash is given Fluttershy's animal caretaking talent, Fluttershy is given Pinkie Pie's party planning talent, Pinkie Pie is given Applejack's apple orchard duties, and Applejack is given Rarity's eye for fashion, and the cycle continues on. This is explained through Musical Number #2: "What My Cutie Mark is Telling Me"

 

Coincidentally, everyone's bodies were sliced clean in half, too. They've mere minutes to live.

 

It's at this point that you might expect me to throw a hissy fit about there being a musical number every other half a microsecond. Well, I'm not, and there are two reasons for this. One, I don't think any of these songs are interrupting the pace of the episode too drastically. Now, that's not say they aren't fucking the pace....they are, but it's not on the level of "Crusaders of the Lost Mark", and we'll see why once the episode is through. The second reason is that, unlike "Crusaders of the Lost Mark", I don't mind the songs either. They're not shitty compositions nor lyrically incompetent so far. I also won't complain about the cutie mark swaps either. I have no problems about the conventions of a cutie mark being altered, and the reason why they're not any good at their "new" cutie marks is that their personalities are clashing with the mark they believe they've had all their lives now. Moving swiftly forward, Twilight realizes that she's caused all of this by reading aloud a mysterious unfinished spell sent to her by Celestia.

 

You know what would've saved this? Don't read shit out loud, you dumbass purple bitch.

 

Twilight descends into a minute long ballad about how she's fucked up...and the pacing problems are really starting to show now. I digress, however, because once she's done singing the ballad of John and Yoko, she realizes what she needs to do. Since their "true selves" have been altered (some wonky wording on Twilight's part given what we've been shown), she realizes that she can show them what they mean to each other. In other words, get one friend to help another and realize that they're true talent is the job they're helping their friend with. It looks like all they needed was love, as yet another musical montage shows Twilight getting everyone back on track. Fluttershy helps Rainbow Dash, who helps Rarity, who helps Applejack, who helps Pinkie Pie, who helps the townsfolk, who helps Satan, who helps Hasbro. Also, Rainbow Dash is about to be cooked alive.

 

This finale just received major points.

 

Once everyone receives Help!, Twilight's friends return to their former glory as far as their cutie marks are concerned. I kinda glazed over the "True Friend" musical number, but rest assured it's rather lengthy and probably the best paced of all the musical numbers. Catchy tunes man, I can't seem to get them out of my head. So once Twilight's achieved maximum fuckability levels, she realizes how to complete the mysterious unfinished spell. Something about friendship, of course. It's at this point when the elements of harmony zap Twilight into ash (you think I'm joking?) and as a result of this murder, Twilight wakes up in Celestia's heaven...place. She explains that she's "proven she's ready", at least ready for the very thing Luna was worried about in "The Crystal Empire", indicating the princesses have been keeping tabs on her journeys from day one. It's here when Celestia sings a ballad about how Twilight's grown, and that she's proud of Twilight, as a variety of images from the past 65 episodes dance around her like a million eyes. We'll talk about this specific event later, but the big thing is, because Twilight's learned so much about friendship, and she's proven herself more than capable time and time again, it's time for Twilight Sparkle to be upgraded to Princess status.

 

..............Well dayum, nigguh. O_O

 

So...the first three seasons were building up to this?

 

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Huh.

 

...I...like it....

 

...as.....a-as Twilight is returned to the physical realm, Celestia explains that since she's come to Ponyville, she's displayed all the qualities of a Princess. Perhaps part of the reason Celestia took Twilight under her wing in the first place was for her to join the ranks of Princesses in Equestria. You know, for the Beast Hunters-esque corporate mandate that this whole Alicorn Twilight thing is, this whole concept was written really fucking well. It's like this was the ultimate goal all along. Twilight displays slight hesitation and worry, but eventually gains confidence in the fact that she's ready for all of this, and we dissolve to the coronation, where all the traditional festivities take place. Twilight walks down the aisle at 10 to 6, the Hendersons dance and sing as Mr. Kite flies through the ring, crowds hoard the castle in groups the size of Rishikesh, and of course Twilight speaks to her new subjects. It's here that she thanks her friends for showing her the way of friendship or whatever and of course thanks the many people in the crowd for their acceptance.

 

"And I promise you! The first order of business when I'm in office is to build that damn wall!"

 

In the end, we hear Sgt. Pepper's Reprise before Twilight flies into the camera claiming that everything will be "just fine!" So concludes "Magical Mystery Cure".

 

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*prepares shield and iron armor*

 

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*ahem*

 

This is a good finale.

 

*is pelted with tomatoes*

 

Throw all the tomatoes you want, I don't give a shit. This is still a good finale. It's not perfect, but it's far from being the POS fuck-up disaster opus everyone makes it out to be. First of all, yes, the pacing of this episode isn't great. I would've preferred vastly if this was a two-parter instead of a single episode. Outside of that, however, this isn't much to hate here. I've already explained how the whole cutie mark swapping plotline does make sense in theory (though it's not explained that well in the episode, I'll admit), and I've already accounted for the musical numbers. That said, just take a look at all the genius on the other side of the moon. Celestia's ballad about how she's watched Twilight from the very start, seeing her grow and change into what she is now, and being proud of her, is a perfect demonstration of the achievement Twilight had just accomplished over the course of the series. Twilight coming into her own as a princess, as a result of everything that came before it, seemed very natural, even if this wasn't the outcome any of us could've predicted. Especially given that "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" was meant to be a rehash of this, it's clear to see which plotline had the better resolution. This one. Right here. Twilight didn't reach a milestone in terms of her character per-say, but the fact that her previous growth resulted in this is enough to make us as viewers proud of Twilight. And I think that's the whole point of this finale in a nutshell. It has wonky pacing and doesn't explain its plotlines too well, even though they make sense, but goddammit, by the end of this episode, I felt overwhelming joy for Twilight. Overwhelming joy, despite knowing the outcome of the episode. Therefore, I think "Magical Mystery Cure" deserves an 8/10.

 

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Well, it's that time of year again, isn't it? I've finished reviewing season three, which means I get to do a final assessment of all 13 episodes. Here goes everything!:

 

01. The Crystal Empire (Part 1) 8/10
02. The Crystal Empire (Part 2) 2/10
03. Too Many Pinkie Pies 9/10
04. One Bad Apple 7/10
05. Magic Duel 9/10
06. Sleepless in Ponyville 10/10
07. Wonderbolts Academy 7/10
08. Apple Family Reunion 4/10
09. Spike at Your Service 2/10
10. Keep Calm and Flutter On 8/10
11. Just for Sidekicks 7/10
12. Game Ponies Play 5/10
13. Magical Mystery Tour 8/10

 

Therefore, my overall rating for season three of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is:

 

6.6/10
Best episode: "Sleepless in Ponyville"
Worst episode: "Spike at Your Service"

 

Holy shit, did this season suck ass. Well, that might be an over-exaggeration, but bear in mind that a passing grade for most anything for me is a 7/10, so a 6.6/10 is technically a failure. And it's clear to see by this season's output. Look up at that episode list. Look how red it is. Four shitty episodes in a thirteen episode season, and three more that were sub-par enough to just barely pass. Over half of season three is below average. Were there any episodes that blew me away? "Sleepless in Ponyville". That's it. One fucking episode in the whole season. Granted "Too Many Pinkie Pies" and "Magic Duel" were close contenders, but they both had some minute issues that prevented them from reaching their full glory.

 

All that's left is the other side of the pond. "Spike at Your Service" is a terrible fucking episode with bullshit everywhere. "The Crystal Empire (Part 2)" practically ruined the entire premiere. "Apple Family Reunion" is contorted mess. "Games Ponies Play" is a waste of time. The only thing season three has taught me is that I think a re-evaluation of season five is in order. If you don't know, I hated the fifth season, but it's been long enough where I have to think back and remember, was it really as bad as this? I guess we'll have to find out after the fourth season. Overall, season three wasn't really that great, and was an early sign of the way things were going to go for subsequent releases of the show. Especially coming after the glorious second season, this was a complete letdown. At least the finale was almost worth it. Almost.

 

 

 

With that said, I'm done with reviews for this year. I'll be taking the next three weeks off to masturbate, and when we come back, we can finally review season four of My Little Po-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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FUCK SHIT COCK SON OF A BITCH ASSWIPING PRICK-SHREDDER....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUUUCKING....EQUESTRIA GIRRRRRLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSZSZSZSZSZ

 

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