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A Walk


Otter

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I'm leaving for a walk into the forest. There's about a 50/50 chance I'm never coming back. If you never hear from me again, consider this my last memorial. And if I do come back, I may bring pictures or something. Who can say? See you later... maybe.

  • Brohoof 1

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Listen I know what you are going through, I have contemplated suicide a few times before in my life. I know life can really suck and be unfair at times but you are still young and still have plenty of time to get things together. I have screwed up a lot in life and am paying for it now but it is not too late even for me and I doubt that it is too late for you. 

 

You say that you are not good at anything but maybe you don't know what you are good at yet or maybe you don't even see it yet because you are too down on yourself to see what is right in front of you. I believe that we all have some purpose in life some kind of contribution to make but it is up to us to try to see what it is as hard as that can sometimes be. I think my purpose in life is to be an activist, to make a difference.

 

As an adult with Autism I have seen many like myself who have gotten the help they need as children and teenager but fall through the cracks when they grow up. I intend to do my part to reverse this trend and I believe the best way is for to become an author and let people see the world through my eyes. It took a tragedy, an incident at work that almost got me fired to see that I needed to get off my butt and finally make it happen.

 

I know I complain a lot about my life and my job and sometimes forget it myself but my life though it is not perfect and I have been in a rut for far too long has gotten better. I went from a frightened child with several behavioral problems and limited language skills to someone who has the potential to take that and use to help himself and others.

 

If you go through with what you are thinking of any potential you might have had will be lost forever and your passing could cause serious pain to friends and family. I have lost loved ones before and can tell you that there are no words that can do justice to the kind of hell grieving over a fallen friend or family member is. So as others have said here, please don't do it.

  • Brohoof 1
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Listen I know what you are going through, I have contemplated suicide a few times before in my life. I know life can really suck and be unfair at times but you are still young and still have plenty of time to get things together. I have screwed up a lot in life and am paying for it now but it is not too late even for me and I doubt that it is too late for you. 

 

You say that you are not good at anything but maybe you don't know what you are good at yet or maybe you don't even see it yet because you are too down on yourself to see what is right in front of you. I believe that we all have some purpose in life some kind of contribution to make but it is up to us to try to see what it is as hard as that can sometimes be. I think my purpose in life is to be an activist, to make a difference.

 

As an adult with Autism I have seen many like myself who have gotten the help they need as children and teenager but fall through the cracks when they grow up. I intend to do my part to reverse this trend and I believe the best way is for to become an author and let people see the world through my eyes. It took a tragedy, an incident at work that almost got me fired to see that I needed to get off my butt and finally make it happen.

 

I know I complain a lot about my life and my job and sometimes forget it myself but my life though it is not perfect and I have been in a rut for far too long has gotten better. I went from a frightened child with several behavioral problems and limited language skills to someone who has the potential to take that and use to help himself and others.

 

If you go through with what you are thinking of any potential you might have had will be lost forever and your passing could cause serious pain to friends and family. I have lost loved ones before and can tell you that there are no words that can do justice to the kind of hell grieving over a fallen friend or family member is. So as others have said here, please don't do it.

 

My family wouldn't give a shit if I died. I'm a failure in their eyes: I'm a near-genius, and I struggle to get C's in school. I sit on my ass in front of a computer every damn day. I probably have less than 15 minutes of interaction with my family a day. 

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Sorry but.

 

Shut the fuck up.

I DO care about you. Don't go around telling people things when you don't have a slightest clue of what you are talking about.

 

^This x 1000000

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I know 2 people in real life who have commited suicide. Do you know anyone who has killed themselves? If not, you can't begin to imagine the effect it has on the people who were close to the person. No matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, there are people who love and care for you and they will go through hell if you go through with it.

 

I'm a little pissed and offended at this to be honest. Either fucking do it, or shut up about it.

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Okay Twilian, I'm telling you this because I care about you.

 

You self-depricating son of a bitch. Look at this. Look at everyone here who has commented here, talked to you, hell, even argued with you to try to get you to realize the truth. You are not useless, and we care about you. You've proven to be a friend, a fun guy, and I like you. So do alot of people, whether or not you realize it. It's not just on the internet either. There are people in your life who truly care about you, and if they saw you like this, I'm sure they'd cry. I would. You need to stop only bringing yourself down and look at what you really are. You have potential to be anything. But you won't if you continue with this attitude you have now. Please, stop. For yourself. And if that's not enough, for me. And all of us, and everyone in your life.

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I know 2 people in real life who have commited suicide. Do you know anyone who has killed themselves? If not, you can't begin to imagine the effect it has on the people who were close to the person. No matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, there are people who love and care for you and they will go through hell if you go through with it.

 

I'm a little pissed and offended at this to be honest. Either fucking do it, or shut up about it.

 

If I wasn't such a fucking coward, I would go through with it.

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Okay Twilian, I'm telling you this because I care about you.

 

You self-depricating son of a bitch. Look at this. Look at everyone here who has commented here, talked to you, hell, even argued with you to try to get you to realize the truth. You are not useless, and we care about you. You've proven to be a friend, a fun guy, and I like you. So do alot of people, whether or not you realize it. It's not just on the internet either. There are people in your life who truly care about you, and if they saw you like this, I'm sure they'd cry. I would. You need to stop only bringing yourself down and look at what you really are. You have potential to be anything. But you won't if you continue with this attitude you have now. Please, stop. For yourself. And if that's not enough, for me. And all of us, and everyone in your life.

 

Okay, I'm sorry. I guess for some reason it depresses me to know that so many of you genuinely care about a screw-up like me. I've done nothing for you people, and yet you, for some reason, like me. 

  • Brohoof 1
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Wait, WHAT? Did you say people started a thread to mourn over me?

No no, I meant if that did happen. I would check, and if someone didn't already make one AT THAT TIME, I would. Sorry about the confusion.

 

Okay, I'm sorry. I guess for some reason it depresses me to know that so many of you genuinely care about a screw-up like me. I've done nothing for you people, and yet you, for some reason, like me. 

Apology accepted.

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If I wasn't such a fucking coward, I would go through with it.

You not doing it is not an act of cowardice, it is the rational part of you still left screaming at you to not do it. It is that voice in my head and the thought of the hell I would put everyone through if I did that has stopped me from making such a horrible mistake. Don't be depressed that people care about you be thankful, there are people out there that really don't have anything or anyone to care about them. You are always down on yourself, stop that and get a grip always being down on yourself is not going to help anyone or solve anything believe me I know I have done that too.

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You not doing it is not an act of cowardice, it is the rational part of you still left screaming at you to not do it. It is that voice in my head and the thought of the hell I would put everyone through if I did that has stopped me from making such a horrible mistake. Don't be depressed that people care about you be thankful, there are people out there that really don't have anything or anyone to care about them. You are always down on yourself, stop that and get a grip always being down on yourself is not going to help anyone or solve anything believe me I know I have done that too.

 

I can't stop hating myself. Trust me, I've tried. I've tried thinking positive thoughts about myself, but I just can't. I've always hated myself and I always will.

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I've done nothing for you people, and yet you, for some reason, like me. 

 

I think that's silly. Does one really need a reason to like someone?

 

I like you because you're...you. In my eyes, your life is valuable. It has inherent worth, even if you don't believe it does.

 

As for your feelings about "screwing up", I admit that I've have had the exact same feelings. I get where you're coming from. You're not alone in this. (And by extension, I'm sure others here have had the same feelings as well. I've read other threads where people have voiced the exact same thoughts, just as you have.)

 

Life is worth living. Yeah, that may not seem like much of a help, but I can't really say it any other way.

 

I'm not saying this as someone who is trying to "talk" you out of suicide. I'm simply saying it as someone who has been there, who knows what it's like, and who thinks that you're valuable.

 

I'll be thinking about you.

 

 

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Does one really need a reason to like somepony?

 

 It helps, doesn't it? I've never just liked someone for nothing. They have to at least be nice to me before I'll start to like them.

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"Because my life sucks and I suck. I'm not good at a single damn thing. I'm doomed to stay at dead-end jobs like the one I have now. Why in the world would I want to go on living like that?"

"My family wouldn't give a shit if I died. I'm a failure in their eyes: I'm a near-genius, and I struggle to get C's in school. I sit on my ass in front of a computer every damn day. I probably have less than 15 minutes of interaction with my family a day. "

 

That description? Sounds almost exactly like me, but you're smarter.

The biggest difference listed between you and I is our families. Just bear with them for three more years, and then ditch their asses, and then pursue whatever makes you happy at any cost.

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 It helps, doesn't it? I've never just liked someone for nothing. They have to at least be nice to me before I'll start to like them.

 

I understand what you're saying - I was just taking it to the extreme.

 

It doesn't change the fact that I like you as a person though. :)

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It doesn't change the fact that I like you as a pony though.

 

Thanks. I guess it helps to know that some people actually like me, even if it is just on the internet. 

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Just bear with them for three more years

 

Only one more year, if I'm lucky. I'm a senior in high school. I graduate in May. 

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Thanks. I guess it helps to know that some people actually like me, even if it is just on the internet. 

 

Hey: I'd like to hang out with you in real life as well. You seem like a great person. :)

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Oh you...

Now let me tell you the story of one of my friends.

He was about 5 when his dad lost his job, and her mom ran off with the dismissal pay and they never saw her again...they had to sell everything they had if they didn't want to starve to death. And even then, they were living in pretty shit conditions, they had a HUGE debt and most of the time, they couldn't eat for days. But he didn't give up...it just made him stronger and it was worth it. Now their debt is all gone and he can start doing things he always wanted to do. Well other than being able to eat every day.

 

That's why you have to hang in there. You are not even close to being in a situation like this, and don't think you'll be working at Mc for the rest of your life. That's total nonsense. Things do get better eventually, but even I can't really see it yet. It's just that sometimes you have to wait until you can change things for the better yourself.

Most of my friends are very similar to you in this. They hate themselves, and they are always negative about everything. Some of them are REALLY into this "Death metal, let's cut ourselves" thing because they were treated like crap by their parents. And even they've got plans to leave this place. For months, I was thinking they would commit suicide and we had conversations like this on a daily basis. But we didn't give up on changing them at least a tiny bit.

 

Yeah and you're saying that you aren't clever...well even though I think it's BULLSHIT, even if it was true, it still doesn't make you any less as a person. There are tons, and TONS of things you don't learn at school, that are much more important in life than some dumbass laws and formulas.

 

Don't forget this...if we have to, we will go through this again, again, and again, if it helps you in any way.

  • Brohoof 1
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Hey: I'd like to hang out with you in real life as well. You seem like a great person. :)

 

This may sound cheesy, but you literally just made me tear up. This is only the second time in my life someone's said that they want to hang out with me.

  • Brohoof 1
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You've given me advice when I feel like shit. So I shall do the same.

 

Don't leave. I know I've never met you, and you've never met me, but you made me feel better over the internet with a few sentences. That's enough for me..

 

My family and most of my friends don't care much about me either. Hell, my internet friends make me feel better than people in reality do.

We've never met, but I'd hate to see you go. I'd hate to see ANYONE go.

 

Why would you care about some loser you've never even met?

I'd ask you the same thing. I'm a loser as well, I know that. I'm told pretty much everyday. Why did you cheer ME up? Why help me at all?

 

Probably the same reason as mine. I want to help. It's never too late, don't give up on life. Not yet.

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You've given me advice when I feel like shit. So I shall do the same.

 

Don't leave. I know I've never met you, and you've never met me, but you made me feel better over the internet with a few sentences. That's enough for me..

 

My family and most of my friends don't care much about me either. Hell, my internet friends make me feel better than people in reality do.

We've never met, but I'd hate to see you go. I'd hate to see ANYONE go.

 

 

I'd ask you the same thing. I'm a loser as well, I know that. I'm told pretty much everyday. Why did you cheer ME up? Why help me at all?

 

Probably the same reason as mine. I want to help. It's never too late, don't give up on life. Not yet.

 

When have I helped you?

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This may sound cheesy, but you literally just made me tear up. This is only the second time in my life someone's said that they want to hang out with me.

 

What?!? That's terrible... :(

 

And cheesy? I don't think it's cheesy at all. I really do hope that I can meet you in person someday. I promise you: If I ever get the chance, I'll be sure to grab coffee/lunch with you or something. (I'll buy. ;))

  • Brohoof 1
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What?!? That's terrible...

 

I don't exactly act very friendly in real life. My face is in a permanent scowl, so that alone probably turns a lot of people away. 

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I don't exactly act very friendly in real life. My face is in a permanent scowl, so that alone probably turns a lot of people away. 

 

Let's see if we can't change that. :)

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Let's see if we can't change that. :)

 

Unless I get plastic surgery, this scowl won't be going away.

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