Perhaps there is a very important event or action that you must accomplish or bear witness to before the world will consider your death. Perhaps you have the lord on your side and he has a plan for you. Maybe the world is trying to send you a message. And what if you just aren't meant to die?

Perhaps there is a very important event or action that you must accomplish or bear witness to before the world will consider your death. Perhaps you have the lord on your side and he has a plan for you. Maybe the world is trying to send you a message. And what if you just aren't meant to die?

Is a possibility. Just wish I knew what it was if it is true. Is a little unfair in my opinion though.

Aw Dimitri I think somepony needs a hug *Hug* .

Cheer up bro, You only got one life, may as well live it to the fullest . Maybe the worlds just helping you to realize that maybe your here for a good reason and you just have yet to discover it.

There could be a Rainbow right behind tomorrow, So just keep trucking, i know life is hard at times and I might haven't experienced the stuff you have, or I might never have to, but you've gotta stay strong .

The world knows how important you are for something, so I'm pretty sure its making sure you don't throw your life away . Enjoy your life, its only there once.

Cheer up though, I hate to see people down .

I stopped believing in luck and coincidences a long time ago. Everything happens for a reason. 85% of the time, these things are bad or neutral. But the rest of the things that happen are good. Its the minority of good that keeps us going, even under the tides of anguish and despair. From what I can tell, you are a good person at heart. It pains me to see that you go through so much hurting. I do hope you can find peace in yourself and in life... I hope you see the world as it was meant to be seen.

I wish and hope I can see it as it is meant to be seen.

So far, it just seems like life hates me. My wife passing away at such a young age, my brother getting cancer, me having to go through seeing my wife suffer and pass.

I mean, is something I'll never forget. It haunts me, how it happened haunts me. I feel like I could've done something more. I could've saved her, I could've been the one who was shot. I just wish I stayed home that day.

As it's been said, I don't really believe in good luck or anything like that either. Everything DOES happen for a reason; it all depends on which paths you take, or which paths you're taken down. But it's ultimately your choice, you can stray from the path, and go into the "unknown", as it were.

However, I do also sorta believe in "fate". The universe hates me, that's been proven. I've been in quite a few car accidents and almost get run over at least 2 times a week, but I've escaped without physical injury.

As corny as this sounds, maybe the universe wants you to stick around. Whenever I almost get run over I think about how it'd be if I WAS hit and killed. I'd hate to see you go, my good sir. As much as life sucks..it's the only one you have.

-hugs-

Dimitri... even if I knew exactly what you went through, it would be impossible for me to know exactly how you feel.

But I do know a feeling of loss. My girlfriend went insane as a result of brain surgery she had to have because of an injury I could have prevented. She was the only person outside my family I ever really loved.... and she is gone from me. Locked away in a hospital for God knows how long. I was distraught when I learned of this. And I know I have never felt pain like yours, but for an emotional teen like myself... it hurt... it still hurts... but i had a friend who told me something. "She really loved you, so do you honestly think that if she could see how miserable you have become, that she would be happy? No. For both your sake and hers, and for her memory, you need to accept that this happened. You need to move on. Never forget, and keep her close to your heart, but again, for her sake, learn to live your life again. It is what she would want.". I pass that onto you. I know that the pain will never disappear. It will always linger with every memory... and i am sorry for that...

I agree with David, its hard to go on, but I think your wife would want you to be happy, I bet you in the back of your mind even in her dieing moments she wanted you to continue to live your life in happyness even after her death.

Even if I can't sympathize or feel your pain since I've not been through that same type of tramatic experience, you have to stay strong, the fact you didn't forget her is good it means you loved her, but at the same time you've gotta move on, you've got plenty of your amazing Comrades here who love you and care for you, and your Comrades would hate to see you go .

So just keep going, I know it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it!

Heres another hug for good luck *Hug* I'm off to bed now Nite Dimitri .

I appreciate it friend. I do, I do very much.

You don't know how it feels, and I hope you never have to go through what I went through. The pain never goes, even thinking about her name makes me cry. Knowing that I could have possibly done something makes it even worse. Knowing that I watched her die, holding her hand as she passed makes it even worse. Feeling her hand let go of mine made me die inside. The pain after that was too much to handle. The things I did I don't want to talk about. All I can say is after she passed away I wasn't myself. I became something else, I did atrocious things for almost two years.

The nightmares never stop, they stop for a week or two but they always come back. It hurts, hurts worse than you can imagine. Always with "What if" thoughts. "What if I was there, What if I took the bullet instead, What if I died instead of her." These thoughts plagued my mind. Then I just went crazy, I became hollow. My personality was gone, and I became a different man. I'd rather not talk about that time in my life. She was my soulmate. Even during her last few minutes on Earth she told me I was strong, I could thrive without her, and she loved me.

I want to think that she is why I can't kill myself. I'd like to think she is protecting me.

I don't even really know you... but I do care for you. You are a strong person... I know you can overcome that. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

I dont know why, but this somehow feels relevant.

Yeah, those New York revolvers tend to work like shit.

Officially stating: I'm insane.

Realizing now how crazy I am. Once my brother gets better and my friend also gets better I am most definitely, I swear to God, I am going back home to Russia.