Not the greatest news. News I really didn't want to recieve at all too, but it happened anyway.

My father passed away several hours ago. Saturday, April 6th, 2013 at 1:50 AM.

Mother called me up about an hour ago. I'm surprised she's not a wreck like I am. I never got along with my father. He was a conservative Russian man. He was violent and strict, and a little abusive. I still cared for him though and knowing that he died so young, at the age of 69, is pretty heartbreaking. I called my brother up and he sounded indifferent to the situation.

They never got along. Is why my brother left Russia right when he was eighteen. Changed his first name too. I disliked my father, but no one deserves to die. I cared for him of course, but the things he did during his life can't be immediately forgotten about. I'm still contemplating leaving the country to go back to Russia, but I don't think I can for many personal reasons.

It hurts knowing he is no longer with us. I can't compare this to how I felt when my wife passed away though. Losing her hurt more. It was horrid how much pain I felt. Though it doesn't hurt as much as when my wife passed I'm still really upset about this whole ordeal.

I probably won't be here for a while. Could be a couple days, or a week depending on how I'm feeling. Brother can't comfort me knowing how much he hated our father. Several of my friends are away on vacation, my mother said she needed some time alone as well. Don't really know who I can turn to in this situation, but I'll figure it out soon enough.