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ActFast231

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Blog Entries posted by ActFast231

  1. ActFast231

    A Miserable Climax

    By ActFast231,

    So I decided to put this here instead of posting it in Life Advice, plus this is more of a vent on my part. But as always, any aid is appreciated. What happened today was I was at school, and was on a laptop. I was rather down and apathetic, so I look up apathy and see how it can be fought. The wikipedia page was informative enough, though I saw it was linked to Aspergers syndrome. Now I am looking into getting screened for this, but I decided to look anyway. The symptoms-formal or sophisticated speech, one sided conversations, the forced, awkward, social interaction that lead to failed friendships, fast speech...hell, even the single mindedness and odd aversions to food. Every fucking problem, the source of my loneliness, the bullying, maybe even my small build and diabetes...All of it could of been because of this malfunction in my head. Something that went unnoticed for 16 years.
     
    As I read the symptoms, I felt myself slipping, and got into a secluded area. And then I lost it. After a month of depression, my health fucking up...this was the last straw on the camels back. After some time, not sure how long I stayed there, I came out, head hung, hiding behind my hair. I moved like a zombie for the rest of the day. Still am, in a sense. I return home, and after a dump fight with my parents that hit my current weak point, what was left of my emotion drained out. In my room, away from others, of course. In a way, I'm glad it happened. This has been something that has been building up for awhile.
     
    But now I feel more broken than ever. I just want things to get better. I want to be happy. But lately, that has been getting harder and harder to achieve. I have no urge to game, Youtube isn't funny anymore. This isn't the first time I have spiralled down this far and it will not be the last, but after so long, you just want it to be over already. When will life throw me a bone? When will things get better, and how? I don't know. For now, the hope of achieving success in art, animation, and hopefully game design is the only light I can see at the end of this tunnel. Hopefully it isn't too much farther. I grow tired of being depressed. It is starting to affect my education and attitude.
     
    And I don't want to be a miserable prick for the rest of my life.
  2. ActFast231

    ART BLOGGING!

    By ActFast231,

    So it has been some time since I have done a blog, so I was thinking of doing another art dump, but I was wondering of any of you had any particular request for what art I should collect. As long as it isn't grimdark of R34.
  4. ActFast231

    I WANT TO WATCH ANIME!

    By ActFast231,

    I am interested in getting into some anime, but have no idea where to start. So I ask you, anime fanatics, to recommend me some shows or movies. To give you an idea of my tastes, I really like the Studio Ghibli movies, as well as the Last Airbender...the cartoon, not that crappy movie. So, with that in mind, what do you recommend? Let me know in the comments.
  6. ActFast231

    Diabetes

    By ActFast231,

    So I just got into a big fight with my mom about my Type 1 Diabetes. I go to regular school in a month. And she believes that I need to where a dog tag at all times, and constantly have all my diabetic supplies on me constantly and to have my blood sugar checked 5 times a day just to make sure it doesn't go off at all, and that if I go to work out I need something on me JUST in case I get a low.
     
    Honestly, I think it's dumb. I don't need all these stupid precautions for school, or anywhere for that matter. The fact is, if I have a diabetic stroke, who's to say they would see the dog tag in time? Who's to say how long it will take to get my supplies out? Will they know what to use? Or how to use it? If I have a stroke, I die. Not all the precautions in the world will change that. So I manage it MY WAY and make sure that doesn't happen. She is convinced that I will die if I don't take EVERY precaution.
     
    Nope, I'll die no matter what. Sorry, but there isn't a damn thing you or anyone else can do about it. This is a disease I will have for the rest of my life, and in all honestly, it will likely kill me one day.
  7. ActFast231

    OPEN YOUR HEART!

    By ActFast231,

    Can't hold on much longer-but I will never let go
     
    I know it's a one way track-tell me now how long this'll last
     
    I'm not gonna think this way-nor will I count on others
     
    Close my eyes and feel the burn-now I see what I gotta do
     
    Open your heart, it's gonna be alright.
  8. ActFast231
    OK, last night I was looking through Luna art on deviantart, and decided to make an art blog, like I did with SoarinDash and Fallout Equestria. I thought there would about 15 images. Instead I saved exactly 110 images to my computer. So here you go, a high, pure concentrated dose of your favorite Princess of the Night, Princess Luna.
  10. ActFast231

    AMAZING ART!

    By ActFast231,

    I brought you here to show you amazing art that will wow you with it's amazing and accurate portrayal of the inner workings of the cardiovascu-
     
    To hell with this, BEHOLD THE SOARINDASH!!
  11. ActFast231

    Failure.

    By ActFast231,

    I failed the 10th grade. The only class I passed was science at 77 percent. Online school is the worst thing to happen to me, and now I'm fucked. Nothing like failing school to make you feel like a loser and an idiot.
     
    Somedays, I really hate my life -_-
  12. ActFast231

    OVERHEAT!

    By ActFast231,

    So I boot up my PS3 after my brother used it, and try to play, and I get into youtube, and it says that it is overheating and shuts itself down.
     
    So is that common, or did I just fuck my PS3?
     
    I WANNA PLAY INFAMOUS DAMNIT!! >
  13. ActFast231
    This is my first entry into my more serious blog. I will post here when I got more mature matters to speak of that would be inappropriate for my silly fun blog.
     
    Well, lately, I have been falling back into the vices of depression, and I think several factors have contributed and have made me realize things about myself. I am not in a good place now. I am managing diabetes poorly, I am failing everything in school with 15 days to get up, and I can't crackdown because I find myself deep in apathy. I can't find the motivation to do anything productive. And I will probably fail the 10th grade for it. It is this overwhelming nature in life that I find myself getting depressed. For the obvious reasons, and for a more stupid one. I was a Sonic fan years before I was a brony. I had daydreams and fantasies of being in that world, doing awesome stuff like that. And now I fantasize about being in Equestria. Not as a human either. Mainly as a griffon. And I have these daydreams of a peaceful life there and find myself getting depressed that that will never happen. It is stupid to get depressed about that, but I can't help it. Then there was Key Gear's resignation and how all these people are really good friends with him, and I only really talked to him I think twice, and I realized I don't have any friends at all. Not really. I share a laugh with a few people, have a good time RPing, but I never message these people or chat with them outside of that. So now it seems like I have no IRL friends or online friends. I have a few contacts on Skype, most of them being offline all the time. The only people that are consistently online are the people I added during the Skype call in Marco's stream. And whenever I try to message one of them, I can't think of anything to say. So really, it is like not having any contacts. Because I am too anxious to message anyone. This wasn't the only thing that Key Gear's resignation showed me though. He was dealing with a lot of personal grief and stress, so he needed a break to regain strength. I asked myself if I would do the same in his shoes. I wouldn't. And I realized why. He has self worth. I don't. I have no respect for myself. I love making others happy, and making their lives better, but have a low opinion of myself. So in Key's position, I would've worked to bring happiness to others until I was a broken shell of myself. Because again, no self worth. Just take my happiness and energy. Not like I am making good use of it. But I can't code worth shit, and got a pretty crappy computer, couple that with several other factors, and I feel helpless to help anyone. I can't even do that. Sometimes, I just feel worthless. Like I am just consuming resources and money. Maybe that is why I want to be a mod. So I can at least have SOME worth. So I can help in some fashion So I am not completely worthless. I just want to be able to do something productive for once in my pathetic life. Even now I am just bitching on a forum with people I shouldn't be weighing down with my own petty problems. But here I am, doing it anyway, because, despite my best efforts, I am a selfish lazy asshole. Might as well post this, seeing as it is near 2500 characters.
     
     
    TL;DR I have no friends, self worth, or usefulness. And am swimming in self pity like an asshole.
  14. ActFast231
    OK, so I am getting closer to a final version of this guy. I think I made the body too low, which made the bloom to long, but other than that, I think I did well. What do you think?
  15. ActFast231

    ATTEMPTED ART!

    By ActFast231,

    I am making a griffon OC. And I wanted some feedback on how to improve. And your opinion on the character design, and how I can improve in that area. Anyway, BEHOLD MY ATTEMPTED ART!
  16. ActFast231
    So, in the fanfic "Humans Assemble!" Every human has a pony partner. A love interest. The ships are:
    Phoenix Wright x Rainbow Dash
    Nathan Drake x Rarity
    Dovahkiin x Applejack
    Dan x Pinkie Pie
    Soma Cruz x Fluttershy
    (Possibly) Otacon x Twilight
    Solid Snake x Trixie
    Sokka x Derpy
    Ralf Jones x Cheerily
    BLU Spy x Zecora
    Ash Williams x Mayor Mare
    Sephiroth x Lyra
     
     
    BEST SHIPS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
  17. ActFast231

    SOCKS!

    By ActFast231,

    I feel like I have strong feelings about ponies in socks, but I am not sure what said feelings are. Like, literally, no idea. It is weird. And for some reason, ponies in socks are popular. At least while searching for images for this blog, I didn't run into any major clop. SO that's good.
  18. ActFast231

    MY FACE!

    By ActFast231,

    This is my face, after I have clean shaved my face. Should of washed my hair first, but oh well. Shoulda Coulda Woulda. Enjoy looking at it (yeah right)
  19. ActFast231

    IMAGINATION DUMP!

    By ActFast231,

    Here are a few ideas I have had for games and other media forms I have had over the years
     
    1. CO-OP ROLEPLAYING GAME!
    The year is 2082. Humanity has seen better days. Several world powers are at war, but it seems that there are no actual humans fighting the wars that plague the planet. A new form of technology has been created, cyborgs of sorts. These machines start out as blank canvases. Think the robots from Futurama that can have any personality installed on them, but a bit different. They are made to be perfect copies of humans. They move like them, act like them, bleed like them, and die like them. It's like making a clone, right then and there. Just a bit more sensitive to EMP them other people. Different powers and corporations will upload a single generic soldier identity to them and send them off to fight. A shipment of these blank bots is flying over the ruins of an old city, when the helicopter begins taking fire. As it takes evasive maneuvers, two containers come loose, falling into the remains of an old apartment building. Upon landing, the creation sequence begins, allowing you to make whatever character you wish, both cosmetically, and through different specialization that will affect how you progress through the game. Once out, you meet with the robot from the other container, both lacking memories, objectives, or motives, and decide to work together to find a way out of the ruins. From there, you can work together to explore this new world, which can contain urban areas, slums, ruins, and much more in the yet to be named city that the game will take place in. You can choose who to side with, what methods to utilize, both in combat and out, and what you do and in what order. Total freedom. It can be playing in single player.
     
    2. EQUESTRIA ROLEPLAY!
     
    The game opens up in a dream like state, with you in the first person. A mysterious entity comes to you, telling you of a purpose you are meant to serve. You are told that you will be traveling to a land far away from here, but in order to make the trip, you would have to become one of the native inhabitants of the land, as your kind cannot enter this world. You are shown several gateways, each with a silhouette above. These species, act as classes of sorts, similar to Mass Effect classes. You can choose from Unicorn (Adept, Mage), Pegasus, (Rogue), Earth Pony (Warrior, Soldier), Griffion (Warrior/Rogue, Infiltrator), Changeling (Mage/Rogue, Sentinal), or Dragon (Warrior/Mage, Vanguard). From there, you can customize appearance, and then you are given a choice of where in Equestria you would like to arrive in. All of these elements determine how your story progresses and evolves as you travel across Equestria. While the first idea plays out like Deus Ex or Fallout, this one plays out like Dragon Age or Mass Effect, complete with morality, companions, romance, ect. Also like a Bioware RPG, you are always trying to stop a major threat, but how you do it is where morality and choices come into play. Each race will have it's own special abilities, like winged creatures can fly, horned creatures can use magic, or more specifically, Changelings can disguise as enemies for sneak attacks, Dragons use fire and elemental based magic, Griffions can use claws, ect.
     
    What do you guys think?
  21. ActFast231

    Clarify.

    By ActFast231,

    So, last night I went to a DJ site that functioned almost like a Youtube powered Skype chat. We shared videos of music orientation in turns. Then it became 's turn. And he played a SFM video titled 'Rainbow Factory.' Now, the last time something had disturbed me so much was when I skimmed Sonix.exe on the creepypasta wiki, and vowed to not touch creepypasta again. I made a status about it, and he apologized about it. But I wanted to say that it was mainly my fault. I should of opened a new tab, or left, but my morbid curiosity got the better of me, as it usually does. I was unaware at the time that you could skip stuff, and I would of requested a skip of I knew that. So no need to apologize, as I couldof prevented it. While it did really mess with me, it will pass, just like the last time. Just thought I would clear that up, and warn anyone who is easily bothered to steer clear of that video. It is very grimdark/creepypasta like.
  22. ActFast231

    RANDOM FIC!

    By ActFast231,

    This fanfiction that can be found here is the most random, bizarre fic I have seen. But it looks like it will be rather good too. Looking at the page, what do you think? Is this the most glorious thing ever, or a jumbled piece of crap? I will find out.
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