Ryzze Faul

Before I do anything with a fanfiction, can I get a little intake on this picture? If I do make a fanfic it'll be in a comic book format kind of thing... Makes it easier and more fun to read.

Well, as for the colors, I agree that black and red is much too MANEstream, the backstory I tried to model after some past events from my own life. Except the part with the Changeling Queen... I needed a way for him to end up not following her anymore and be a good guy to tie into something else I'm currently engaged in. But the 5 bully ponies is a vivid memory from my past in grade school, I didn't really have any friends and was picked on for it. Thanks again for taking time out of your day to leave feedback. Thank you for giving me a pointer, I kind of new to this whole thing. And now that I look at it like this, it makes it a lot easier to read. Thank you for your feedback.

Nice, it looks really good, especially considering its your first time. As he/she said above me, it would look better if you colored it and a nice background couldn't hurt. Keep up the good work.

CUPCAKES AREZ DEH BESTESTS DONT YOU GUYZ AGREE! Well I think so... Sorry about the post earlier guys, my brother is an MLP hater, looking forward to the site though.

http://mlpforums.com/topic/63324-my-pony-backstory/ If you would be so kind, I've got a pic, a backstory, and a cutie mark explanation. I'm kind of new at this hole thing and need some critique. Thanks in advance.

1001 years ago... my pony was manifested using a sacrificial ritual in Hive gray monarch, the changelings wanted a way to get food for their subjects, so they wanted a way to sort of sneak into a love filled land and devour everything. They sent me to the crystal empire, considering their yearly ritual included a heart, the very symbol of love. It was my very purpose to be nothing but a beacon, for a full scale invasion. But something unexpected happened, A tyrant, King Sombra, took power and eliminated any and all love and hope from every-ponies very core. Ryzze, (that's the name I gave him) started to develop self-awareness because of the fear that loomed over his daily enslavement, What would happen if he disappointed his Queen. His fear quickly dissolved and gave way... breeding hate. he decided to challenge the king and destroy him. Thus freeing the ponies wills, only to succumb to the feast of the Changeling army. There he stood, the crystal people stare in awe as this mysterious Alicorn, without warning sprints towards Sombra. The tyrant king, without the bat of an eye used his shadow magic to halt his movement and launches him against a nearby wall, breaking his left wing. Incapable of feeling pain, he stands up as if nothing happened, and charges yet again, this time with the intent of impaling Sombra. Entertained by the rebellion, The Tyrant King decides to drag the fight out, hoping to weaken the chances of a future rebellion. After 10 grueling minutes of slamming Ryzze into walls, street posts and the ground. Sombra decides to end the fiasco. He uses his dark magic to subdue Ryzze and shatter his horn, but it was emanating the changeling Queens magic which was far more powerful. Sombra confused tried harder and harder and even harder until finally, he prevailed and shattered the top half of his horn. Sombra then returned to his sadistic ways and tore Ryzzes wings off. He had done this once before. To a different pony who had challenged him (http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hank-r1047), and it seemed effective to eliminate future confrontations from that pony. But something went wrong... Sombra had set off the beacon signifying invasion. Above the empire, a warp rift opened, and out poured thousands of changelings, and the Queen herself (who is in Chrysalis' mom because it's my story so shut up). The queen eyed the oppressed people grounded herself 20 yards away from the scuffle. She looked over the Tyrant, still gripping Ryzze with dark magic. Angrily she chants a spell and Ryzze is set free. Confused by this new annoyance, Sombra fires at the queen a dark energy based attack, but this proves to be unwise for she grabs him with her magic and moves him in the pathway of his own attack. He is hit. Falls to the ground and remains still. The changeling Queen then rips the beaten and battered former alicorn from the ground and slams him down at her hooves. "How dare you summon MY army to a loveless wasteland like this! You will surely pay for your idiocy!" the queen exclaims. "My queen, this land is indeed rich with love... but this would-be king has usurped the previous ruler... thus destroying your plans..." She ponders, then glares at King Sombra, who is on his hooves at this point... she quickly chants a sealing ritual, and a wormhole erupts from under the ice condemning the King and his empire to 1000 years exile to the realm of contempt. The entire kingdom was sucked under, but not the Tyrant. The queen destroyed his pony form reducing him to living dark magic, and banished him alone to rule nothing... believing this would drive him insane and lose control of his new form and fade away. She turned to face Ryzze. She believed in his condition he wouldn't last long. She could restore him if she tried. But, she wasn't known for her kindness... but for her terrible punishments for those who fail to please her... and Ryzze was guilty of failure. "My queen, if you'd allow it, I'd like to journey further and find an ample food source for-" "SILENCE, DIRT! YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR QUEEN. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME." Ryzze watched as the one being he wished to please had abandoned him in the cold, ice wasteland... his hate, that replaced fear for upsetting his queen, was replaced by sadness from isolation and solidarity... he struggled to his hooves, not because of his injuries... but his psychological wall had been shattered. Not having any options but to die in the arctic winter... he traveled Equestria, he learned many things, ranging from spells, and potion mixing, to more deep teachings. Feelings. One day this strange pony asked his name, he held no response he believed the name his queen gave him was stripped from him as was his involvement in her hive. "Why does it matter?" he asked. She replied, "Well, if we're going to be friends, I need to know your name. Duh." She smiled. This confused Ryzze. In his travels he never encountered friendship before. He replied "Ryzze my que-..." he stopped. "What was that?"' she asked. "My... m-mother... she named me Ryzze." "Oh? where is she now?" He looked to the ground... She quickly changed the subject. "Well my friends and I are all hanging out later... want to tag along?" He quickly replied "Y-es, yes I would..." "Ok" she leaves. He thinks of what she told him, "Well, if we're going to be friends, I need to know your name. Duh." He smiles. and sets off to get ready. When he arrived at the meeting area scheduled earlier. He sees his new "friend" and he runs over to the group of 5... he stops. they are all laughing hysterically they look at him and stifling their laughter they greet him hollowly. His newfound "friend" exclaims to her poss, "Theres the freak, told you he'd show. He doesn't have any REAL friends so what did you expect?" He started to back away from the crowd, but they quickly surround him, "Look at his horn!" "Such a loner with no friends!" "he's running around with fake wings how bad could you get?" He couldn't take it, His horn started to glow a dark purple color and grew brighter, and brighter until in expanded into a magical wall knocking everypony back, he sprinted off into the everfree forest. He had been betrayed twice, he vowed to never befriend another creature in his eternal existence. Weary from his travel, he ventured to Canterlot. He settled there. Two centuries went by... Princess Celestia, aware of his prolonged lifespan, questioned his true self. "Yes, your excellency, I am not of pony descent." (Celestia speaks in the royal voice at this time) "Thou whilst not withdraw information from we, The princess of this fair land Equestria, or the consequences will be undeniably, severe." He was obligated to answer to royalty, his queen programmed him with that fact. He told her everything. About his being created, Sombra and the crystal empire, the abandonment of his queen and only friend, everything. She replies, "As a Homunculus, thou ist an abomination to ponykind, and are hereby subject to destruction, dus thou wish an attempt of reason?" "No, my queen" this caught her off guard, "What was that? Did you call me queen?" "My apologies your excellency" She thinks for a moment. "Homunculus, do you have a name?" He replies "Yes, Princess Celestia my name... is Ryzze." She smiles, and says gently, "then you are not a homunculus." You may continue your exis- life, Ryzze. "Thank you Princess Celestia." 740 years pass, in his travels after traversing the everfree forest as he often did he came across a caravan of apple farmers, he decided to tag along. Once they settled in a town they called Ponyville, he decided to settle in this new established town, Ponyville. Below you will find a picture of my pony. He is not evil, though his cutie mark symbolizes his ability to escape from any situation, and to manipulate others (a trait passed down from the changeling queen herself). He has the noticeable lack of emotion, including pain. And since he is a homunculus, he cannot die (easily). I hope those who read it enjoyed it, those who hate I ask to give me honest opinions, but not vulgar ones. Please give me your intake, I'd really appreciate it. The picture below is his current appearance. Before he had a non-broken horn, and regular pegasus wings.