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Misty Rose

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Blog Entries posted by Misty Rose

  1. Misty Rose
    Finally time to revive my blog, but unfortunately it won’t be something upbeat like last time. This is somewhat of a farewell letter to all of my friends here just in case I don’t come back.
    If you don’t know about my current situation you may be asking yourself why I’m leaving. Well to start things off you can check out my latest status updates to see how I’m dealing with it. Basically, my mother doesn’t want me to be on the forums, and coincidentally at the same time, my boyfriend here, Dsanders, is also being forced to leave the forums. It is a very tough time for the both of us since this is our home away from home, our internet family, and we love spending time on here talking to our friends and of course each other. However due to our current situations we may not even get to talk to each other as frequently anymore. If you want to learn more about what he’s going through, you can go here to read all about it. I warn you though, you might shed some tears.
     
    The reason why these forums are so special to me is because despite at first just being a place where I could socialize with lots of people and kill off my boredom, it became something very significant in my life. I found myself logging on when I had an argument with my mother and just wanted to cheer myself up. My friends here have always given me advice and helped me get through these past few months of my life. I don’t know what I would have done without you guys, and I can’t thank you enough for all the support and friendship you have given me during my time here. These forums really do reflect the magic of friendship and what makes it so great, and I never thought I would think of internet friendships as real and close as my irl friendships. Sadly though I may not be able to cherish these friendships anymore for much longer.
     
    I have tried constantly to get on when my mom isn’t looking just to check up on my friends, and kill off my boredom, but eventually I was doomed to get caught. It’s happened before, but the supervision hasn’t been so tight, now however it will be. I have been writing this while she’s resting in bed because she’s not doing so well right now and I’m always praying for her health, but despite how much I love and respect her, I will always hate how she’s separating me from my friends and of course my one true love.
     
    Me and Dsanders met here when I was a member for about a month or two, we talked casually at first as regular friends do, but something about him made the conversations seem endless and amazing. I never got bored of them and I still don’t. I even stayed up till 4 in the morning sometimes talking to him when my mom was away. Sadly due to him starting senior year those late night conversations got cut off, but our bond kept strengthening until I realized I had a crush on him. This had never happened to me before and it felt strange to finally have feelings for a boy, especially online of all places. I didn’t know he felt the same way until he posted on a thread that he had a crush on me, and shortly after a month long separation from the forums on my part, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted happily and ever since then our love for each other has just grown stronger. Our bond is truly unbreakable, and no amount of hardships has been able to tear us apart, not even this one at the moment.
     
    Since we are both leaving the forums (although I will still try to get on whenever my mom isn’t watching, but that may be rare and definitely less frequent than usual) our communication will definitely be at a limit. His parents are still letting him stay in contact with me thankfully and I will try my best to talk to him via another site or Skype. Since my mom is monitoring everything that may prove difficult but I will fight to keep this love alive, because I don’t want to lose the boy I love.
     
    So thank you Chris for making my life absolutely wonderful since we first started this relationship, and I know we will keep fighting so it can live on forever. Even if my situation may get harder and we may be forced to cease overall communication for a very long time, I will never forget you and I promise with all of my heart that I will never abandon you for another. You are the only boy I can love, and I won’t ever forget about the wonderful times we’ve had together. And as for all of my amazing friends on here, even if I never got to know a lot of you personally, you are all great people and I will never forget you either. You will always hold a special place in my heart and you will always be my friends.
     
    Goodbye until further notice. I’m not sure how much I can come on from now on, but I may randomly pop in every now and then if possible. Thank you everybody, keep calm and pony on.
     
    For Sanderspie:
     
     

  2. Misty Rose

    Focus Issues

    By Misty Rose,

    A big issue that has been attacking me as of late is homework, and due to my depression and genuine disgust for my situation I have immense focusing issues when it comes to homework
     
    Same goes for class, I can't focus because my mood just dampens my will to learn. Any suggestions that can help?
  3. Misty Rose
    Hey guys...as much as I try to maintain a positive attitude when I'm on here or elsewhere, I haven't been doing too well lately As much as I enjoy talking to friends here or on Skype, there's this overwhelming loneliness that takes hold of me alot.
     
    The thing is, while I appreciate and enjoy having people talk to me on Skype so I'll at least have someone to talk to...the physical loneliness that I feel is unbearable. My grandma gets mad that I ignore her and I don't talk to her alot, but how can I talk with my greatest enemy in life? I don't get along with her, most of the time when we do talk we're fighting. I can't live like this I miss the days when I went to school and I had my friends to hang out with and talk to, and then when I got home I could talk to my mom and tell her about my day and spend time with her
     
    When my mom got a job that kept her away from home for most of the day, during summer it was pretty difficult. As much as I enjoyed having freedom in our apartment, and being on my computer longer than usual, playing games and watching movies, I missed having her around. Even when we fought and I couldn't wait for her to leave, eventually I missed having her presence around. The thing is, me and my mom always managed to make up and be happy again no matter how many times we fought. No matter how severe she treated me at times, she still loved me and apologized. We could go back to our normal lives by the time night fell. I have that freedom I wished for alot back then, except now I can't wait for my mom to come home because she never will....
     
    I'm the kind of person who can't hold a grudge. I can be extremely mad at you if you drive me to such a point which is pretty difficult, but then after a few hours or after I've listened to music or watched a video to calm myself down and think, I'm back to my cheerful self. Me and my mom were both like that and that's why we made up so easily. However I do that with my grandma here after we fight and just come up to her and ask what's for dinner, or say something else in a semi cheerful voice, and she just doesn't talk to me. She stays angrier for longer than I do and it's tough to live with that sort of person
     
    Since I can't get along with her and just live in peace, and I also don't get along with my cousins that much since they're always doing their own thing in their rooms, I feel this unbearable loneliness almost daily. Some days it's not too bad, but then there are days when I'm not absorbed in making something on my laptop, when I'm not talking to anyone and just trying to figure out what to do with my life when it gets worse. Heck, sometimes when I'm talking to friends on Skype or when I'm chatting with my boyfriend, I feel this loneliness that I just can't shake off.
     
    As much as I enjoy having friends here in this digital realm, it's not the same as having someone right beside you that you can talk to while you work. Someone to physically give you a hug when you need it. I love virtual hugs, but what I wouldn't give to have one of my mom's warm hugs again...
     
    Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and it's gonna be a pretty sad day for me for the most part. She would have been 45....and we would still be enjoying each other's company if her fight with cancer hadn't brought her to the brink :( So thank you to all of my friends who have stood by me and given me support when I need it. But if I'm still feeling sad after we've talked for awhile, please don't feel bad. It's not your fault, it's mine You guys have friends you can hang out with at school or after, I don't. I need physical interaction with people or I'm gonna go insane
     
    *sigh* That's all I have to say. Sorry if this was so long, I had alot to let out Thanks for reading...
  4. Misty Rose

    Breaking Point

    By Misty Rose,

    My family's driving me over the edge....when the only people I can actually talk to constantly bring me down, call me a liar, and insist I'm doing things wrong, it drives me closer to my breaking point! I need to get out of here!! Dear God help me! I'm in such a negative spot that's affecting me mentally, I just want to be in peace
  5. Misty Rose
    I wish my grandma would quit her threats and just hit me so that everyone can see that this is no fucking joke
     
    You all think I'm only exaggerating, that I'm making a big deal out of this, when I have a grandma always threatening to knock my teeth out, you can see why I can't be happy here
     
    If she ever does hit me I can't even go to the police down here. If my life ever becomes worse I'm screwed. If things get to that level I WILL kill myself. That will be my final limit. The worst part is not even my ex is willing to aid me when I need a friend to talk to I have no one
  6. Misty Rose

    In The Dumps

    By Misty Rose,

    I most likely have failing grades in almost all my classes.....there's only conflict at home....no one loves me anymore....I'm at the pit of my existence -_-
     
    I don't see how things can get any better, I'll most likely have to repeat ninth grade again and delay my graduation even further, I'm already behind by two years, I don't want anymore Everything is going wrong for me, I can't study and retain the information, I'm forgetting things easily....I'm losing myself -_-
     
    I need help but no one can aid me, why do other people have a family and friends? What did I ever do to deserve this chaos? I just want my life back....I want my happiness again
  7. Misty Rose

    Headache

    By Misty Rose,

    Since I can't communicate through status updates, all I have are blogs -_- So expect to see random things here.
     
    Today's been incredibly stressful......
     
    I had a hard time at school, I came home wanting to relax since I have no homework but now I have a headache
     
    I'm stuck helping a family friend's kid out with English and.....she's a pain in the butt -_-
     
    I just wanted to relax....dear God give me a break
  8. Misty Rose

    My Dad....

    By Misty Rose,

    Recently I've been wishing that my dad would just drop dead. I know that's not a good thought to have but I can't help it....my mom's dead because of him, we were almost evicted out of our apartment because of him, I'm stuck where I am with no way out because of him IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!
     
    *sigh* I hate my dad, he's never done anything good for me -_-
  9. Misty Rose

    Recovery Plan

    By Misty Rose,

    Welcome to my Recovery Plan
     
    In order to stop crying over my losses, I'm gonna try to do alot to get that out of my head and not let it affect me....except when I really can't hold back my tears
     
    So I've developed a sort of recovery plan to keep myself busy and do shiz
     
    1. Since I don't have a laptop at the moment, my first priority is convincing my family to let me buy another one so I can go back to doing vectors and other things That definitely helped me in the past and it should now. Also I'll be able to play some online games
     
    2. Look at food porn LOTS AND LOTS OF FOOD PORN! Chocolate mainly I'm doing that right now actually and the wonderful images blur out all negative thoughts
     
    3. Watch funny videos, Gravity Falls, and hopefully ponies when I feel up to it again
     
    4. Talk to my cousins a little more and watch Top Model with the guy because why not?
     
    5. EAT CHOCOLATE!
     
    And that's pretty much it. Wish me luck in hopefully keeping myself in a stable mood
  10. Misty Rose

    Laptop Problems

    By Misty Rose,

    http://www.apple.com/macbook/ It's so beautiful and I want it I have more than enough money to buy it but my cousins tell me to wait until June when the price goes down Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think Apple products become cheaper unless a new model comes out Does anybody know?
  11. Misty Rose

    Sad Feeling...

    By Misty Rose,

    I've had this really sad feeling lately. I feel bad that I haven't and never will have the same experiences other teens my age go through. I've been very locked up my whole life basically. My mom went through pretty terrible experiences throughout her life, and she really wanted to hold on tightly to the only positive thing she had left, me. Therefore she was terribly overprotective and clingy, and while I didn't mind during my younger years, there did come a time when a friend or two would ask if I wanted to hang out after school and I always had to say I wasn't allowed to
     
    So I feel pretty terrible, I'm 16 and by the time I leave I'll be 18 or older. I'll be launched straight into adulthood and be forced to mature faster than others. I won't have any support from family or friends and I'll have to do everything on my own so it will definitely be a tough experience. I wish I could have had at least some of the experiences other people my age do, summer camp, hanging out with friends, dating, but unfortunately I was kept away from all of that
     
    Most of those are experiences I'll most likely never have, and it sucks that while most people consider their teen years the best of their life, they've honestly been the worst for me
  12. Misty Rose

    Lesson Learned

    By Misty Rose,

    If there's anything my relationship with my ex taught me it's this...don't trust anyone!! Someone who I told everything to, who I gave my heart and love to, who seemed so kind and loving and I thought would never hurt me ended up stabbing me in the back. That pretty much shows I can't trust anyone like that again, never get close to anyone again so I won't be as hurt if they leave My mom had to learn that, and she went through many rough experiences because she thought maybe things could be better the next time, but they never were.
     
    From now on no one will know about my past, no one will be able to know what I'm completely going through at home, they'll just see how I present myself to them -_- I gave that knowledge about me to someone and they hurt me, so I'm not letting that happen again
     
    My decision is final...if I ever get into a relationship again it will only be because he actually proved he won't hurt me. I won't trust anyone so easily again just because we went through the same experiences. I'd rather remain single forever than go through more pain. If my future man wants me, he has to earn me and prove how much he wants to heal me. I won't be someone else's trash again -_-
  13. Misty Rose

    Broken Glass

    By Misty Rose,

    I feel like a fragile china doll that's been kept in a glass case in a store all her existence. As the years passed the glass cracked various times, and the doll was in danger of being exposed to the harsh elements, and yet she yearned for that. She wanted to be free from her case so she could make others happy and see the outside world.
     
    One day, the glass broke and the doll was freed from her prison. However she was then placed inside a smaller case, more restraining with less air and freedom. However from within that glass prison she found a spark of joy. A little girl always came to see her in her case. She wanted to have the doll for herself, so she could take care of her and love her, and show her parents she was responsible with such a fragile object. The doll couldn't wait for the girl to take her home, and give her somewhere better to stay away from this prison.
     
    However things took a tragic turn for the worse when the girl found newer and better objects that interested her, and having the doll for herself was no longer her priority. She lost the love and admiration she had for the precious figure, but she knew someone else would come along and give it a better home eventually. The last time the little doll ever saw the girl was the day her happiness completely ended, and so did her hope for a better home.
     
    It was a typical day, the girl had come to look at the once object of her admiration for one last time before she turned around and accidentally bumped the case. The doll felt terror and fear as the ground grew closer and a horrible crash resonated through the air. The glass lay in pieces, shattered and wrecked, and the little doll was also in a tragic state. Though not as terribly shattered as the glass, she was in desperate need of repair. Her once lovely face now had a big chunk of it missing, and her head was no longer attached to her broken limbs. The girl she once loved stared in awe at the disaster she had caused, but only turned around and ran away crying not even looking back once to attempt to repair the doll she had broken.
     
    For now the doll lays in pieces, the store owners knowing she can't be fixed. No matter how much they wished she could magically fix herself and become beautiful and whole again, they knew it was not to be. There was simply too much damage inflicted.
  14. Misty Rose

    Lego Movie....Meh

    By Misty Rose,

    I'm gonna give my thoughts on Big Hero 6 tomorrow but for now I'll say this.
     
    So I watched The Lego Movie tonight and just like Guardians of the Galaxy I feel I've heard a little too many positive reviews. Of the big animated movies last year, this was obviously the one geared completely towards kids. It's not awesome as I heard many people (even adults) call it. It was simply a fun crazy experience that is best watched with kids
     
    Though I can say one great thing about it, I can definitely say that I've found the impersonation of my future self in Emmet The way he acted in the beginning with no friends, nothing special about him, lonely, that'll most certainly be me
  15. Misty Rose
    The Interview is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. It's a true comedy masterpiece, and Seth Rogen and James Franco absolutely kill it here! I laughed so hard during this my ribs started hurting And that's all there is to it. GO WATCH IT NAO!!! :D
     
    ..........................
     
    Lol time to be serious This movie just wasn't to my liking Sure it had some funny scenes, and all the actors did a great job, but it's just not my kind of film. I can enjoy a good comedy anyday, but this one was a little too overly sexual and was more of a black comedy then a true film to laugh your socks off with.
     
    I can definitely see where the controversy comes from, but it was still pretty stupid to make such a big deal out of this movie In the end it resulted in a big marketing campaign for Sony, since due to the controversy many people will want to see this movie now. They definitely didn't get the big release they wanted, but hey it's something
     
    But back to the movie, there were many cringeworthy moments for me since I'm not the kind of person that particularly likes sexual humor. Quite a few masturbation jokes, two boners shown, and even some downright weird stuff like fingers being bitten off and a head being shot off quite unexpectedly
     
    In the end, it resulted in a weird, crude, and downright crazy movie experience for me I thought I was going to watch Interstellar and comment on the epic visuals....instead I got this
  16. Misty Rose
    Well I've been searching the interwebs today and have found there are quite a few voice acting schools out there, especially in Cali
     
    So I've added a little something to my future plans, I'm going to take some voice acting classes first since they're way cheaper than the fees for the acting school I wish to go to. This'll be some good practice for me and can open up even more opportunities for my future.
     
    Please wish me luck in these future endeavors everyone, I know I'll have more than enough money for this by the time I move....but acting school will be a little tougher financially. Whatever happens, I hope I do well
  17. Misty Rose

    Letting Go

    By Misty Rose,

    It's hard to believe how someone who said you changed their life suddenly leaves you behind, someone who said you were the light of their days leaves you in the darkness. It's very hard to let go, it's even harder to not think about the wonderful happy memories you had together. What hurts even more is I actually think he may be influenced by someone else, bad company perhaps...all I know is that it hurts very much to let go
     
    Now when I see his pictures instead of seeing my dear lover I see someone who just wasn't meant for me, someone too amazing for me and I deserve much worse If God didn't want this relationship to be a reality, then maybe he just wants me to be with someone else who is poor, someone perverted with bad qualities -_- If he wants me to be with someone like my dad then so be it The dreams I had were too good to be true, someone much better than me will get to live them, because I don't deserve the best -_-
  18. Misty Rose
    Yes this "overrated" song is still important to me It represents the kind of freedom I wish to achieve. I want to reach that point in my life where I can finally be myself where there are no rules with how to act, where I can express myself the way I see fit, where I can be free with no restraints
     
    Yes I don't have ice powers, but I am definitely being held back from letting out my true self, I'm in a prison that I want to break out of. I'll be alone in the future but I'll be free and content with that at least I know I'll cry, but I'll finally be able to let out that pain with screams of agony instead of holding it all in.
     
    Like Elsa I wish to let it all go, break free from my bonds and not give a damn about what anyone thinks. Wish me luck my friends....there is still a humongous chance I may not be able to enjoy that precious freedom
     
    But if I can, this will be the first song I'll play from my new apartment
     
    This was cheesy as hell I know...but I honestly don't give a crap
     

  19. Misty Rose
    And now for something more positive! So finally Jared Leto cut that long mane of his so he can start filming as the Joker and we now have this
     
    https://mobile.twitter.com/DavidAyerMovies/status/572475580962242561/photo/1
     
    Sexiness :wub: Can't wait to see how he looks with the Joker makeup!
  20. Misty Rose
    So I've decided to start watching Without A Trace again (cause why not ) and I've sort of developed a little fear in regards to my future.
     
    Since I'll be moving to America (most likely never) in two years or so I'm worried about what can happen. My family wants me to go back to Houston and live with my aunt or at least close to the family there. But I really just want all family out of my life, I don't want anyone checking on me or criticizing me anymore. Plus Houston isn't the best place to live without a car, and I don't want to depend on my family to get anywhere.
     
    Therefore I've decided without a doubt I'm still moving to Redlands. It's the best place I can go since it has everything I need and want within biking distance of the apartments I hope to live in. But....since I'm watching a show dealing with missing people, that's where my fear comes in
     
    I'm scared that since my ex no longer gives a damn about where I go or do, he won't want to help me once I move. So even if I go to Redlands or anywhere else, I'll be alone. If anything bad happens to me no one will miss me or inquire about my whereabouts. I could have an accident at home and if I die no one will find the body unless I miraculously die around the time the rent is due
     
    So yeah I'm pretty scared....if I'm kidnapped, raped, followed, no one will know. As much as I want my freedom there are tremendous risks that come with being alone, and this is one of them
     
    Plus there's also the fact that even my mom had help when we moved while in Houston, I'll have no help whatsoever and I'll be taking at least two suitcases with me, I don't know how to cook much, and I can't even clean a bathroom. So I'm pretty much screwed -_- My ex seriously expects me to just take this humongous step in my life completely by myself and even though I look forward to it, I'm scared
     
    I don't know what I'll do....
  21. Misty Rose
    Well this is the forums' second year of existing, and even though I haven't even been here for a full year I feel the need to gush about how awesome this site is and how much it has changed my life.
     
    Well for starters, I joined during the summer. I thought I would have an average boring as heck summer, UNTIL THAT FATEFUL DAY!!
     
    I was looking on the internet for ideas of how to make a cutie mark for my OC, and I came upon a post in these forums that talked about OC ponies and stuff. I was interested and looked around. I decided to join the site cause what the heck I COULD. Then my life changed.
     
    Right from the start I was greeted by plenty of people that made me feel very welcome here, I couldn't have asked for a better first day. I immediately started to get to know the forums and spent everyday getting accquainted with everyone here.
     
    Eventually after a month I had plenty of great friends and even uploaded a tour of the Forums video on Youtube to help the newbies here out. Luckily I have found that there are some people that have joined the forums due to that video as they have all added me as their friend. I am very honored that I have contributed in that way to the forums and I hope I can do more in the future.
     
    Through all the friendships I have made here, there have been some that have REALLY changed my life. Here are some of the amazing people that made my time here EPIC.
     
    @, formerly known as The Paris Swing Box
     
    THIS GUY!! He has been my pal since a couple weeks after I joined the forums. He's hilarious and we got along pretty great as friends. He's the person I have the most pages of messages with and I'm glad to have met someone so cool He used to be on literally almost everytime I logged on so we could always chat. Sadly though, due to school and life, of course he's not on as often, and we don't chat as frequently. But I'm still mentioning him for being a great person and overall helping in making my time here interesting.
     
    @@Pinkie D Pie,
     
    Another great guy I used to talk to frequently, sadly just like Kurt school has been a huge factor in why we no longer chat as frequently. But I feel happy whenever I see he's sent me a message still trying to keep the conversation active. I met him in a roleplay and we just talked. Great friend he is
     
    @@Dsanders,
     
    MY SPECIAL SOMEPONY AND BESTEST FRIEND FOREVAH!! He's amazing in every way imaginable. Well it's just that I never thought I would EVER get a special somepony or boyfriend irl, and well no boy has ever shown an interest in me. I have had PLENTY of guy friends, but they're just friends, I can casually talk to them about video games and just joke around. But they're into other girls and I never felt bothered by that. Sure I secretly wished that one guy would one day express an interest in me but I didn't let that affect me.
     
    Then I found this guy. We talked one day and it just went from there. We've been BFFS since then and he recently asked me to be his special somepony. We have just bonded SO MUCH it was necessary. We have alot in common and the similarities just never seem to end. Even though we live in different countries we stay in contact and keep hoping that one day we can meet irl. I'LL DIE IF THAT EVER HAPPENS!!
     
    So final point, he's awesome. And he has changed my life so much he just MUST be recognized here.
     
    So these are just the people I have talked to the most and whom have really changed my experience here on the forums and made it more enjoyable
     
    If you're a friend of mine and you want a little recognition, ask me for a shout out I'll gladly give it to you.
     
    Bottom Line: THANK YOU MLP FORUMS FOR CHANGING MY LIFE AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
  22. Misty Rose

    Lucy

    By Misty Rose,

    And so God was a woman, and that woman was Scarlett Johansson......
     
    Lol so I just saw Lucy for the first time and I gotta say it was impressive...yet full of blatantly impossible crap....but it had Morgan Freeman so that's something
     
    That's all I gotta say, I won't say it's terrible like most people have but it was definitely....something
     
    Off to watch Big Hero 6 now
  23. Misty Rose

    Love

    By Misty Rose,

    Love to most is the grandest feeling in the world. When in the right hands it can bring tremendous happiness and it can motivate a couple to keep their special flame alive. This mysterious feeling can even change a person for the better and allow them to see life in a completely different way. It's truly something that cannot be explained, not even by those who experience it. It's unique, rare, precious, magical even. Once you fall in love the right way, the moments that come afterward can become the highlight of your life.
     
    But when in the wrong hands, this magical and mysterious feeling can bring immense pain and sorrow. It becomes like a shard of glass that came from a broken mirror, once part of a whole but now is sharp and dangerous. This feeling can be used against someone in the blink of an eye to cause a horrible downfall. The number of people broken down by this emotion is truly uncountable, because while the feeling remains, it only serves to bring pain and memories of the past.
     
    However there are some people who are fortunate enough to pick themselves up from the ground after their heart was crushed into pieces. They are able to love again, and although it may not be the same magic they felt the first time, it's wonderful nonetheless. Bu there are also some who aren't able to capture that magic for themselves once again. It seems their perfect match just never came around.
     
    So what I have observed is that this special feeling isn't for everyone. There are many who go through their lives without finding love at all, some who do and are either shattered and rescued, or left broken forever. It's truly a mysterious thing why this happens, why love has such diverse effects for different people. But like many things in life it simply cannot be explained. All you can do is hop on the ride and hope for the best. Perhaps you'll be luckier than others, or perhaps this emotion simply wasn't meant to become a part of your life forever.
     
    When two people are in love it's truly wonderful and magical, but when they break apart it's sorrowful and tragic. If you find love again, you are truly fortunate. If you haven't found it at all or haven't felt it a second time, I will not lie and say that it WILL come to you. I've learned and seen from experience that it simply isn't for everybody.
  25. Misty Rose
    So my boyfriend suggested I upload another blog today, so I might as well try to make this a daily thing. To have a way to write out my feelings and all -_-
     
    To pretty much give a rundown on my day, started out okay, I talked to my boyfriend and felt pretty happy, and now I'm feeling like crap all over again -_- Today it's the loneliness pretty much doubled. Since it's my mom's birthday I feel extra sad that I can't have her here with me. We never celebrated birthdays, and we never even said Happy Birthday to each other. I just told her I was happy to have her with me for another year...and unfortunately I can't do that this time around :(
     
    So today's gonna be pretty rough, with my family doing their own thing and me just hanging by myself on my laptop, I have no one to talk to or receive physical comfort from, something I really need right now But I'll keep going and try to remain strong as best as I can, and just like I always do, remember the good times I shared with my mom. At least she lived to be 44, if only she could have made it this far to be 45...
     
    Well anyways, that's my blog for today. Hopefully tonight will be easier, just gotta get through the next few rough hours
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