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Phoenix Flam

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Blog Entries posted by Phoenix Flam

  1. Phoenix Flam

    God I miss this.

    By Phoenix Flam,

    The feel of a real keyboard, the sound of YouTube, and the look of the MLPForums Web page.
     
    Thea's few things have become a luxury since starting work and having no internet connection at home. The sound of elector swing Playing in the background and the ability to speak with friends and family over the internet has never been so good.
  2. Phoenix Flam
    So here we are the life of Phoenix and of course my companion Wolf and to kick this off I am at Wolfs Brothers house useing his laptop while he is on holiday till Sunday With his feonsay and son making yes Wolf an uncial and no don't call him uncial Wolf or any other abbreviation.
     
    We are only here to take care of his staffy-bull-terrier and play with m are PC. But wait my PC is not here its n another house. yes with the power of the internet I can remote control my PC from this laptop. However I have given access to another person so they can play on it until they go back to uni and here is were the interesting insight to my life comes in.
     
    I masaged this friends mum to turn my computer on so I could do some stuff on it forgetting she is at work now about 30 minuets later the computer was active so I went to control it as I open the mane screen I could see what looked like the layout for an Apache gunship flying in a game so i backed out quickly as I quickly deduced my friend was on my PC flying so I was surprised I then got a text from my friends mum saying she was at work and that i should text my friend.
     
    So I waited thinking it was battlefield and that he will not be flying for long when I reconnected he then closed what he was doing it was YouTube and we had a conversation for about 10 minuets, you know general stuff to catch up with a friend and after that I left him to it I can wait to get the stuff. or I could go bug him again lock his controls and side complete control of the PC
     
    However I am not like that. so I guess that is some insight on my life. I hope you like it there is more to come, but not yet. Take a day off
     
    however if you want to catch up on events that have passed head on over to my DA Diary here is a link : http://phoenixflam.deviantart.com/gallery/48765519/Diary
     
    Other then that feel free to comment I got to go see you again...soon...maybe
  3. Phoenix Flam

    Lost and found

    By Phoenix Flam,

    May be This was not the year for me. Not my year of great achievement, Not my year of Finding love or not my year for making a name for myself. No this has not been my year and it has not been Wolf's year.
     
    From my birth to the year 2000 I had something in me. I had courage, pride, joy, strength, will, curiosity and I had something here *Puts Paw on heart* However that Year...I lost it all and became a shell of who I truly was and became a ghost to all.
     
    I never fit in, I stayed to myself not giving anything. when I opened up I kept my cards close to my chest only showing what I wanted ponies and people to see and that was not much. I never kept a diary I never shared the full truth and I kept secrets that may never be heard ever again.
     
    I will admit I have heart Ponies and people, not often Physically in fact hardly Physically and some emotionally. Always non intentionally more often then not purely on accident. I have had friend become enemy's and some friends lost. I have made some enemy's friends and mixed with the good and the bad. However in the mist of it all I was always alone.
     
    since then I made a shell and many layers of walls to protect me. I had the skin of a dragon, the swiftness of a wolf, the cunning of a demon and the face of an angle. DDWA was what I created and they protected me from 2000 to 2013 it was in the last six months of 2013 I was introduced to a show...to witch needs no introduction, but hay may as well.
     
    I was introduced to a show I thought was meant for girls "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic" A friend suggested it so I thought I would indulge her request and watch the first two episodes as they were linked making one...literally the two episodes were streamed as one Part one and two.
     
    after watching the one episode i kept going and going and over six months of broken viewing I watched all of them up to 2014 January 1st so while I waited for new episodes I hunted answers as to when it will come out and I found the site MLPForums and By 29th January I developed a Pony sona/Wolf and began a true journey of my own.
     
    Little did i realize that yes the many years from 2000 to 2014 were not my years, Pain, anger, frustration, loss, bullying and having no real direction. However that changed because what died in 2000 was being born again. So no I had nothing, but now.
     
    I have been here just over a year January 29th was when Phoenix landed here and he is here to stay. We came here to find answers to a question we no longer remember and we came here finding more then we barged for.
     
    We met AppleGearRising. It was funny I was writing my first draft of my story and me and Apple had spoken a little and I liked his personality so I asked If I could use his OC or him in my book. Sadly he declined as he did not have an OC but he did offer assistance.
     
    We truly connected when he spoke of having a bad day so we had a PM chat hoping I could brighten it up and judging by what was said it helped. we then spoke on and off for a while until 20th of march and that is when I met Nick 1925.
     
    He Commented on a status Apple made and I could see he cared about Apple so I had a chat with him and well...it went well I guess. He was a little uneasy about me but we quickly got traction in a conversation at the time. He strongly resembled Fluttershy because he was off and then I mentioned something he was passionate about he then went slightly excited but like Fluttershy quickly wound back down.
     
    However we kept talking until we has a stable ground in which he could confidently talk with me. then we, being me and Wolf, Nick and Apple began really communicating and we formed an almost brotherly tie, Like family.
     
    I have every message I ever sent them here on the forum and between them we have had over 1200 replies to one-another and in every reply we have been truthful and kind. I once said that between the three of us we could have used the Elements of harmony And I would not tread ether of them for anything...and I mean anything.
     
    you see over the past year I have been rebuilding my tru self and that is Phoenix, but I did not truly create him...My family did. My brothers, who I have never met. However I trust them more then any one else...I trust them like they were my true brothers and I love them the same way to....and unconditionally to.
     
    They could tell me anything and my view on them would not change...no matter what they said.
     
    We are Family and that is all that matters to me.
  4. Phoenix Flam
    Ok This could work. I have been a member of GiffGaff the mobile network Provider for a while now. There policy states that if you have Unlimited data in your package you cant tether a device to your phone.
     
    However when you join they send you one Sim card and then after a week they send two more. In the policy it states if you have a Limited data plan you can have tethered devices so i recently decided after putting up the other blog I will take the cost and do it any way. £12 gets me 3GB of data and I intend to use every KB on being here as often as I can.
     
    and once I get my other phone working I will have constant internet as well as the use of my phone. at the moment I have internet or phone so I have to be careful...Oh Luna I have missed this. The rattle of the keys as type away and the sound of the space key dropping on the right as i hit it...it is like the sound of a type writer...there is no sound like it.
    :grin2: Well I have to go... it feels like i have only just got here, but I have been a little busy making a pice of digital art that was sort of spur of the moment thing. Right time Right song.
     
    Play this song through your headphones because this is what I am like When I have been knocked down I rise from the ashes :
    Well I have to go now. Have fun every pony and hopefully I will be back soon. *Hugs, Bro hoof, Teleport's away*
  5. Phoenix Flam

    Missing and found.

    By Phoenix Flam,

    When you have lived with something for so long you get a feel for it...then when it is gone you still feel it, but it starts to faid in your mind. The clicking of an old clock, the sight of a picture that you overlooked and un my case the tapping of a keyboard.
     
    For four years I have been living a lie if you will. I have had no Internet to talk here for four years. I have been living off my phobe so I may stay in contact. However the feel of a real keyboard it is what I miss.
     
    However there is one thing I miss more and that is my frequently checking the forum. Almost every time I turned on my PC I came here. Now its when I can find time on my phone. However in using my phone I have connected better with some ponies and built a stronger relationship with them makeing it almost impossible for me to leave the forum.
     
    Not because I can't or because the won't let me, but simply because my life would be vastly more boring/meaning less with out them.
     
    Without the Forum I would have virtually nothing and because of good ponies Like Nick, AppleGearRiseing, Storm Shine, Commander Tangent, Sugar Cuddles, Flytee and so many more (Apologies to those I did not name my phone froze why switching pages for correct spelling's)
     
    All these ponies made me well come, helped me when I was down and have given me chritical input while doing creative writing.
     
    So I may miss real Internet and reall connection with a PC but if I was fully disconnected from here I would miss this more then anything and it would break my heart to be pulled away now. *hugs*
  6. Phoenix Flam

    Time

    By Phoenix Flam,

    *Walks to the keyboard and wipes away the dust of the Blog and takes the Nightmare night webs away*
     
    *looks over Equestria and sighs* Time is so fast that when you think you have it you don't. You think you can manage your time to a T, but you cant plan for everything. in the time it takes to have a breath or blink an eye it is time you have lost not doing something.
     
    Work is like having the Time you had taken away and used to do something that is killing your mind, but this is what life is like when you do something you don't enjoy just to get by. Just once I would like to do what I want to do not what others are telling me to do.
     
    I am so obedient and good at listening to orders I don't think to my self what do I want to do I just do as I am told. Wolf do this, Wolf Do that, Wolf you are useless, Wolf why am i telling you again. All my life I have just take all that has been thrown at me and done as I was told.
     
    If some one asked I did, even when I did not like it or want to. My only Escape was Phoenix and now that is looking like the event will never come.
     
    When I was Unemployed I had time to think, time to vent, time to see what I was becoming and who I could be. Phoenix was my escape and was who I was before I became this Drone who just did what he was told till he was told to stop. I would often escape with Phoenix and just be free, but that was because I had time, Time to heal.
     
    Now work is taking that time and my life has taken a step back in to the shadow. You see before I became Wolf and Phoenix I was known by another name.
    I created these creatures to protect me and make me invisible, but when I found MLP I closed them off and pulled them together to make Wolf. However I feel less Like wolf and more like my old self D.D.W.A
     
    These four creatures were my shroud and aloud me to blend in, but they were my shield to protecting me from mental abuse by shrugging it off.
    Demon was my shroud, he hid me and kept me off the radar with other people. I am a large target at 6'1" so it is surprising when people don't see you.
    Dragon was my armor protecting me from everything that could harm me in physical or emotional ways.
    Werewolf was my speed as it let me go from one place to another avoiding people and still getting me there, many people thought I ran around school to get to places when all I did was walk.
    Angle was my healer she kept me happy and made me feel better when all I wanted was to brake something she would take the anger and contain it.
     
    These things worked for me for a while but every now and then when you contain anger you get a melt down were it all just comes out and I have never felt such aggression when it happens and I always feel bad after. I always took the aggression out in a controlled manner damaging insignificant things and inanimate objects.
     
    Then I found Phoenix and I pulled myself together in to Wolf and my goal was to make Phoenix may seal. Make phoenix more then just a persona...more then a ponysona. My Goal was to make him Me because he was me...once. However like most plans they needed time and well *Tick-tock,tick-tock, clock stops* Time was never on my side and I was always going to fall back in to old habits.
     
     
    *sighs as Wolf looks over to Phoenix Taking a nap* He was the best of me and he will always be the better of me. This is not how it was supposed to play out, but huh it never plays out the way you plan. may be I should find a new job or maybe I should just lock my self away iin the old ways and keep droning on and let phoenix stay here, but without me.
     
    *Sighs and then chuckles* You know we found this place on accident, I don't even remember how we got here, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I would not take a single second back. The friends i made, The brothers I found and the ponies I have had a chance to meet and have fun with...
     
    I hate goodbye, but this is not what it is though it feels Like it. It is goodbye for now for me Wolf, But Phoenix is here to stay so it is more of a goodbye from me to Phoenix as I am going for now till I can get my head straight.
     
    So this is more of a see you all later and this is Wolf Signing off
    Love you guys...Love you Phoenix *Hugs Phoenix and kisses him on the head* goodbye.
  7. Phoenix Flam
    Well I am clever. I make a blog update and instead of publishing it I hit save as draft and I then don't check.
     
    You would think I would have learnt my lesson the first time I did it, but here I am.
     
    Now why make a blog about your mistake. Well simple it was part of my day and as I said I would like for you to see snipits of my life.
     
    Today was pretty normal and I have done a little with wolf cat who has been following me all day and wouldn't leave me alone. She was also being very picky, wouldent eat her food till I put down some Whisker.
     
    Then Wolf's friend came over to see his ferits who have been here for a while. We then played on xBox 360 Call of duty Black ops - Theatre.
     
    Good fun, but short lived as he left because his girlfriend called. So we put the ferits away fed them and he left. I then spent some time wrighting and playing games Cod, Fallout and then Need for Speed.
     
    Others then that I haven't done much. I will be looking at calling my employer tomorrow to find out my training day for work. Can't sit around not doing much, plus getting some extra bits here and there will make life a little easier.
     
    Well see you all again soon though I don't think this is working for me, but its just some fun.
  8. Phoenix Flam
    First of all story update A1-7 are done and now B1 & 2 are done so the story is coming along well but we will see.
     
    Now back to the day. Well its been kinda quiet. in bed by 04:00 and up by 08-09:00GMT so not much sleep. Not to mention the dog makes noises in the night because of dog's destructive nature he has to be in a dog crate at night and he dose not like that. It is still a pup after all and it like to chew...especially on things that are not his and are dangerous to him. He ate three of Wolf's nephews nappies. They should be fatal to dogs because of there absorbent chemicals expand. He was lucky so there you go he has also chewed on three lighters and poped two of them. Silly fool.
     
    So that is why he is created at night. other then that he has been fine and the day has been slow so I am off to bed now myself and he shall be going to so I guess this is goodnight
     
    I hope this has been insight full and there will be more to come...more interesting I promise...I hope.
     
    Side note: Was listening to electric swing on YouTube while I was typing this...good stuff.
  9. Phoenix Flam
    I promise you in these updates there are no spoilers so no panicking if you think I am going to let anything go. If I do let something go you have my permission to slap the creator...Wolf not me
     
    well for the boring stuff we are as follows:
    Pager : 27
    Word count : 17,213
    Section A completed at : Page 22
     
    Section B has begun so far covering five pages.
     
    Now to explain this is the second draft of this book I did a first draft but i bucked up the time line and events were happening every were and it just was all over the place. The draft is my V2 and is so far more orderly following the story of my self and another pony of whom I will not name and I will only say that this pony is a girl and that is all.
     
    Only two people know what she looks like and what she is called and I can trust that other pony to not tell a soul and if he has then I can trust the soul he has told.
     
    Now before I even think of explaining the story I already have if you visit my DA page and look at the Journal I made it explains the main situation that may cause arguments among some of you die hard MLP fans who will more then likely want to kill me for what I am doing. I have already had a run in with one fan who was not happy, but that fan has seen the light after I explained the depth of the situation.
     
    So if you have any questions that I need to explain feel free to ask : Here is a link to that Journal in case you cant find it - http://phoenixflam.deviantart.com/journal/Cleaning-something-up-471717981
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