Catpone Cerberus

Awwww I'm sorry to hear about your social anxiety. Goodness, it can be SOOOO nerve-wracking to have to overcome such introversion and shyness.. there's nothing wrong with you, okay? That's totally normal and even happens to extroverted people like myself @.@ it's soo soo scary and yes, it does look easy but you have to fiercely overcome a lot of that inhibiting shyness.

My DMs are always open if you'd like to further discuss these complications. I can see you're really sincere about getting out there and trying. I also find you to be VERY brave about coming out with these information. Even though you didn't enjoy the Pride as much as you'd have liked, they can really show us some ideals as to what we would like to have in our lives and that's already a good step in the right direction.

@Props Valroa
In my case it's not an issue of trust when it comes to the one friend I do have, he is very trustworthy, his personality just is such that one can't form a certain type of close relationship, he's bad with emotions so to speak. He's also very stubborn and close-minded, like for example, being a brony, he doesn't insult me on it or anything, but he would never even consider looking into the fandom because he dislikes things like anime, furries and such out of principle. 

@Princess Silky

I don't know if really is anxiety per say, now, I do have anxiety in certain situation, but not in general, i'm also not that shy, I'm actually quite social introvert, anyone who knows me will tell you that, I won't stop talking when I start, and i do enjoy talking. It's more a wall that i have build around myself, while not officially diagnosed, I'm 90% certainly autistic (Asperger more specifically) so that has effect on my social self, and I also have a history of being bullied, so I have grown to be very closed in, among other things, so while I'm social person, someone needs to push themselves through that wall first. in fact, these forums know more about me than anyone in my offline life, because the fact of none of you actually knowing who I am lets me express myself more directly.  

My comment about not finding close connection like what I need has nothing to do with this however, and more to do with realities of life in this country. It is already unlikely that I find someone who matches with me that well, especially in reasonable time, because of how....un-norm-like my interests and such are, and then you add the fact that there's only 5 000 000 people in the whole country, and that's not even considering how many of those are actually of age that would realistically work. 

I appreciate the offer, but there's nothing more talking can do, I've seen professionals, I've been through that stuff, there's only action left, slow action, but action none the less. Honestly, the only reason why I ever started trying is my mother, if I wouldn't have been so lucky to have such great parents, Catpone Cerberus may have not been.

In fact, fun fact for those who know anything about my characters, the certain theme with them, especially those I consider my favorites, is not coincidence, character creation is my form of self-therapy, and playing as them is a sort of a mild form of "fake it until you make it".

i'm bad at taking compliments but I do want to state that no bravery has been needed, because like my sexuality (asexual) these things really are not that big of a deal to me, anonymity of course helps, but frankly speaking, I'm done caring, "Damned if you do, and damned if you don't" as some say, I've taken so much mental torment from others in my life that I've grown numb to it, jerks will always be jerks, nothing one can do about it. 

And lastly, It's not that the Pride disappointed me in any way, it was exactly what I expected, because I was there last year too, even if I was late then, a place with positive energy, but ultimately meaningless experience that leaves no lasting impact on me. What I didn't expect was the crash when I got home, though, I haven't been in the best of moods lately, so it could be that the realization was just the last drop in the bottle could hold.

Honestly, I don't really even know why I stayed up this late to write this response, I'm not seeking sympathy, because ultimately it's just words on a screen, and I can't really call it a rant/getting it off my chest either because frankly, I felt nothing, not when I started, not during writing, and not now, after it has been written, I truly am just like  Anyway, sorry about ruining anyone's mood who decided to read this. 

@Props Valroa
It's not the lack of interest for me necessary, it's more the lack of tolerance. Let's keep using ponies/furries as example, I draw characters, ponies and what one could see as furry, since apparently all animal inspired things are considered furry nowadays. But I have nobody to show them. (I'm not counting online posting, because that lacks the personal connection)

Interest is not required to appreciate someone else's interest, like, I don't care about cars, I know nothing about cars, but if someone is passionate about cars, and tells me enthusiastically about something car related they did, I will join the enthusiasm.

But the problem with my situation with the one friend is that, while we are a perfect fit in certain things, certain type of closeness can't form, because if something isn't in his interests, it's "k" at best, and "don't wanna hear it" at worst. 

I don't know if anything I say makes sense since I kinda just let my hands to the writing without thinking what to write, but whatever. 

I live in the 3rd largest city in Finland and I feel the same, and I'm not even looking for people of my age necessarily, just inside a reasonable age gap I've been through 2 vocational schools and still got no new friends, hay, even the army, something that people say always leads to friendships, left me with nothing.

I agree, though I'd say that modern technology does allow  "your area" to be bit bigger, I don't mean online friendships, but friendships that start online but move offline...not that it has helped me in any way, but one can always hope.