Neutral 1,185 November 24, 2014 Share November 24, 2014 (edited) Welcome to the land of equstria Where it's ruled by celestia Many places to go Or be like Trixie and put on a show Meet the mane 6 Who have special talents and tricks. The land is big with many places to explore And soo many beautiful sights to adore Everyone here has a purpose Where be a shop assistant or part of the circus We celebrate many festivals And we celebrate hearts and hooves However evil may lurk Make sure not to go near the ever green forest Otherwise you will see no return Unless your a badass like chuck Norris Come to canterlot or ponyville Watch the wonderbolts Rainbow dash wants to be part of them So she would love your encouragement Careful of queen chrysalis And minions of changelings Who Change forms And try and take over the great cities Come see the crystal empire A place where you can see the mystical heart But if it's ever destroyed The place of the crystal empire will fall apart So I hoped you enjoyed this little rap It isn't original Many people did this before I'm just trying to let it be enjoyable. Edited November 24, 2014 by NeutralNoob 3 Credit to Rainbowdash72 for sig credit to Ivory for the amazing avatar credit to couleur for the wallpaper if your in hell keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boiteporte 591 November 24, 2014 Share November 24, 2014 I don't know much about poetry, but those lyrics don't feel quite right. Sorry. Maybe someone else can tell you more about that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest November 24, 2014 Share November 24, 2014 @, l like it! I even found a beat for you that is in deep need for someone rapping to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4q4JuHjgg0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neutral 1,185 November 24, 2014 Author Share November 24, 2014 Thanks a lot however other opinions would be nice as well Credit to Rainbowdash72 for sig credit to Ivory for the amazing avatar credit to couleur for the wallpaper if your in hell keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootaloodle 1,623 November 25, 2014 Share November 25, 2014 Thanks a lot however other opinions would be nice as well Dude I liked your lyrics, thought they were pretty good. Now the bass and breakbeats, to blast it round the hood. Maybe write some more, and make it extra long. Then you’d have more stuff, to put into the song. Some people may not understand or say that it’s pathetic, but you can tell them to shove off because it is poetic. So keep up the work and don’t get to lonely, just be happy and keep in mind that Scootaloos best pony 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roughshod 720 November 25, 2014 Share November 25, 2014 (edited) @, The lyrics themselves are fairly good, you make use of a wide array of aspects in the show. However you also mostly just glaze over them briefly, maybe try giving some more detail on one or two. The biggest issue I can see is your use of rhyme. You seem to be using an alternate style of A-B-A-B rhyming measure. But your choice of words can really make this difficult and sound uneven. You might want to consider applying some rapid flows like A-A-A-A or A-A-B-B-A. Then there's that mare they call Rainbow Dash She'll put you in pain bro like you're nothin' but trash She's the high flying pegasis bitch unlike that flash- Sentry, her complimentary and exquisite exhibits burn foes to ash, then you'll see like hash she'll smoke em', like the those tools Tirek and Sombra, broke 'em Make that Hashtag awesome! Got a problem? Maybe you can get some other filly to solve it Or Pinkie Pie's not the kind to be shy or down or mopey She'll make any pony or jabroni laugh, like a clown she's sorta dopey Shouting okey-dokey, and lokey. no she ain't low-key She's a party pony like Don Quixote and brony take it from me she'll make any party pooper chokey with her hoof down his throaty and croaky Not the smoothest of flows, not all the lyrics are strong rhymes, and I changed the pacing a bit to fit the lyrics but you should get an idea of what I mean. Edited November 25, 2014 by Roughshod 1 The truth is always rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neutral 1,185 November 25, 2014 Author Share November 25, 2014 Thank you all for your help seriously thank you. Rough thanks for the advice And scoot ill remember you for being nice You both get a brohoof Whilst my raps blow off the roof Just like the usas economy Ain't no one got shit on me or my OC for my little pony 2 Credit to Rainbowdash72 for sig credit to Ivory for the amazing avatar credit to couleur for the wallpaper if your in hell keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
88888888888888888888 129 November 25, 2014 Share November 25, 2014 (edited) 1d1qe1233rwf` f2e 18e8`u1e9uda90du08 Edited June 29, 2015 by RehloffFir39238_ 1 ljipgdfgdh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neutral 1,185 November 25, 2014 Author Share November 25, 2014 Thanks railoffire I will remember to do that. The rap was only for a joke just to see what people think of it and it seems that great advice had been received that no one told me about Credit to Rainbowdash72 for sig credit to Ivory for the amazing avatar credit to couleur for the wallpaper if your in hell keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrReprise 172 December 5, 2014 Share December 5, 2014 These lyrics are awesome! I would love to hear it to a track or beat! "Music is the universal language of mankind." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Avatar commissioned by the amazing . Get yours /> Searching for the magic of Friendship! Check out my music threads! /> http://mlpforums.com/topic/118371-dr-reprises-composition-thread/<><> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neutral 1,185 December 5, 2014 Author Share December 5, 2014 Well atm I only have my iPad and no software for recording so not anytime soon Credit to Rainbowdash72 for sig credit to Ivory for the amazing avatar credit to couleur for the wallpaper if your in hell keep going Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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