dark Need Opinions/Review

[The Cynical Lone Wolf 615]

Name of Story: Stardust to Stardust:Conspiracy

Genres: Tragedy,Dark,Adventurte, Gore, Crossover (Doctor Who)

Author's Notes: The following is only just the prologue, but I still want opinions/reviews/critiquing on it.So please be civil about it and dont point just the negatives; please tell me what me  and my partener did right as well. Thanks and enjoy

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Rainbow Dash had awoken to find herself still living a nightmare.  She laid in her cell of stone and mildew.  It was worse than the dark and dank dungeons the diamond dogs had.  How many times had she counted the number of stones that contained her?  She gritted her teeth as she stretched her wings.  The lack of use and the torture she’d been through had left them weak and bruised. A low grumble emanated from her stomach.  A reminder that her own body had taken away a bit of her pride.

 

How long had it been since she’d eaten all the moss in the cell for nourishment? Was it really yesterday she caught and ate a rat?  Her mind wandered to her close friends.  She could imagine Fluttershy frozen with shock and appall, staring in wide eyed bewilderment.  Rainbow let out a soft sob.  She would imagine that Rarity would clean her on the spot, while Applejack would be torn between comforting her and rushing of in rage to pummel whoever had done this to her friend.  Rainbow’s sob turned into an uncontrollable cry.  A ghostly visage of her friends surrounded her.  The one of Twilight came forward and wrapped her arms around Rainbow Dash.

 

Amongst the soothing whispers of her imagination, she heard “Where are you Rainbow?”  Dash choked up.

 

“I’m here.”  She said in between sobs.  “I’m here Twi.”

 

The mirages faded away as Rainbow crumpled on the floor.  From the sobs came a renewed fire.  Determination burned in her eyes as she glared at the iron bars of her cell. “I’ll find a way back.  I swear it.”

 

 Her friends, her source of hope and motivation in this. The hope she might see them again fueled her mutilated and weakened body.  With that motivation, that desire, she chiseled away at the cell bit by bit, ever so slowly the bars weakened and the stone around the gate grew smaller.

 

Her determination was also fueled by the rage towards the ones that had tricked and mutilated her body.  She would expose them for everything they had done to her.  It all started with that damn recruiter, promising an adventure worthy of Daring Do. Promises of staying young forever and never slowing down.  She should have known that something was wrong with that smile and the silver tongue of lies.  She’d forgotten why she agreed.  Faint memories of a half-baked contingency plan of running off and telling the authorities danced in her head. 

 

She was experimented on and tortured. They took a horn, from Celestia knows where, and grafted it to her forehead. From there they did everything they could to try and make it work. Electroshock therapy, magical manipulation, forcing magic through it into her, you name it they tried it and then some. One such incident the pony tried to get it to work via controller of some sort, but ended up with her coughing up bloody black vile. They had her blind folded, shackled, gaged and drugged for every experiment.  She had fought long and hard during the first experiment that they subdued her every retaliation with practiced ease.  They had fed her from time to time. But rare were those times now that the experiments were over. After countless failed attempts, the pony researchers just gave up. Locked her back in her cell and left her to rot in that prison, alone.

 

It was time.  Time to run home and expose this horror to the world, one final chip one final shove and bars came crashing down.  A sharp pain shot through her left foreleg when she landed.  She stood still in the hallway, looking left, then right and waiting for the guards who must have surely heard the crash.

 

 

The walls here were different, vines and roots crept between the stones and the occasional plip of water echoed up and down the hall. With a limp she began to move, favoring her right foreleg.

 

She barely heard the click before she dove sideways.  Bullets whizzed by her side.  One left a new bright red line along her coat just under the wing. Flaring her wings she took off at a gallop, the pain in her ankle forgotten as she reached takeoff speed and made for a nearby door. She reached the door, but barely.  She noticed it was solid steel and screamed in frustration and looked towards the ground.

 

“You can do this Dashie”, she told herself. Lifting head she looked about and saw no other way. Taking a deep breath she mustered her strength and thought of Applejack. All those trees they had bucked together, the time spent in friendly competition could have been more.

 

Flipping around, she flung her back legs out and was rewarded with the screech of metal tearing free from stone and light flooded the hall around. Smiling to herself she turned and bolted out the door, raising one hoof as she took off into the air to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight.

 

“Good. That hasn’t change”, she thought as she looked around at the jungle under her.

 

She rolled over in the sky, the wind under her wings bringing a smile to her lips. She was free at last, she would get to see her friends again. Turning away from the prison she put on a burst of speed.

 

Pain rocketed through her right wing.  She felt something in her wing tear as she spiraled out of control. The smell of burnt feathers and flesh reached her nose as she watched a tree approach her quickly. Rolling so her shoulder hit first, she plummeted through the canopy and skidded to a halt.  Dash moaned in pain and fought to get back to her hooves.  Her breath got caught when she looked up.  A deep blue finely dressed earth pony stallion stared down at her and smiled wickedly.

 

“Perhaps I underestimated you Miss Dash.  Think you still have enough fight to sing a few more songs for me?”  The stallion pulled a device from his sleeve.  Before Rainbow had a chance to react her vision was blinded by a bright flash of light.  She slumped to the jungle floor, suddenly feeling very tired.  “I eagerly await to see what becomes of you. How far will your wings of loyalty fly, I wonder.”

 

Dash’s world faded in and out as the tromping of hooves through the forest echoed around her. All she could see was the earth pony above her and the device he held. A strange mechanical pen by the looks of it. She wondered what shot her before the stallion disappeared and after what seemed like hours another stallion or dragon appeared, she couldn't tell, as she faded into unconsciousness.

 

^^^

 

            Twilight watched the scenery fly by as she gazed out of the train car window.  Her thoughts were dwelling in the past.  While four of her friends were happily conversing with themselves behind her, it felt wrong that the cyan pegasus wasn’t with them.  It had been feeling wrong for the past five years.

 

After the events of Tirek, something had struck the multi chromed pegasus deeply.    That feeling of helplessness when someone else controlled your fate and there was nothing you could do to stop or save yourself came at a lofty mental price.  She had put up the air of confidence for a while, but all her friends could see the truth behind the act.  Just before the group decided to intervene with Dash’s problem, she disappeared without a trace and never told anyone where or why.

 

Twilight immediately began searching for her close friend.  She used every possible means and searched every possible and improbable place.  With the help of the solar diarchy and the Crystal Kingdom they searched for weeks.  Weeks turned into months and the months into a year.  The governments had to stopped their search and turn back to governing the ponies.  Twilight thanked them for their time and effort before continuing her own search of another year.  She held faith that she was still alive.  Even after she stopped searching, she would wait in Ponyville and gaze into the sky for any trace of her cyan coat.

 

It wasn’t till she received a letter from Spike three years later did she find out her fate.  Spike had found her in a jungle island dead and mutilated.  In the letter he told Twilight that he couldn’t bear to see the sight of her body that way and performed the service of cremation then and there. He brought back the ashes for the funeral.  Twilight was so distraught with grief that she didn’t believe Spike.  She drew elaborate equations saying Dash was still alive.  She did not attend the funeral.

 

In the privacy of their home, Twilight yelled, screamed and begged Spike for the truth.  In her broken mind she hurled insults and accusations at her foster younger brother.  Spike, for his part, knew Twilight needed to vent her stress, but after one insult to many, he stormed out of her life.

 

“Twilight darling.  Are you alright?”  Rarity’s voice snapped Twilight back to the present.

 

            She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.  She whipped them away with her hoof before responding, “Yes.  Everything is just… fine.”  Every time she thought about that day brought tears to her eyes and Rarity knew it.

 

            “If you say so.  By the way Twilight, are you looking forward to my sister’s performance?” Rarity asked.

 

Twilight’s gaze shifted from the royal blimp in the distance to her friend.  On board was the Princesses, and other government officials who wanted her to come along, but Twilight decided to use the Ponyville Express, she wanted to spend time with her friends. The chatter of the nobles and the press would just ruin the moment.  “Yes I am Rarity and this her first really big performance too.” Twilight added. The funeral and spike departure had hurt Rarity as well.  She saw the beginnings of old age in her friend.  The subtly hidden wrinkles under the eyes and her mane had few hints of gray.

 

Sweetie Belle was the talk of Equestria, even further more she was referred to as the next Sapphire Shores. Twilight would agree that she was talented singer and she did enjoy hearing her.

 

“Oh I am so nervous for her.” Rarity said dramatically while falling back into the car’s padded bench.

 

“Don't worry Rarity she’ll do fine”, Twilight assured her and put her hoof around her friend’s shoulder.

 

“Your right”, Rarity said, “But I can’t help but feel proud of her.  So soon after finding her special talent and she’s singing in front of the whole nation.”

 

Twilight nodded and watched her other friends converse.  Pinkie had never slowed down her antics while Fluttershy had watched in quiet fascination.  She was getting better at opening up to others.  Twilight even heard a rumor that she had a colt friend now, but had yet to figure out who.  No stuffy noble blimp could compare to the warm reception of her friends.

^^^

 

It was the 100th Annual Equestrian Games held in the grand city of Manehattan.  Ponies and griffons came from all corners of the country.  The air felt somehow subdued.  What normally was an exciting event filled with cheerful boasting and pleasant competition felt more like a routine tradition.

           

They got off at the Grand Central Terminal, it had been years since they had came to Manehattan.  The crowd was far larger now than it was back then. As they walked outside, they were taking in the changes the city had made since the last time they came here, together….. Oh, Rainbow. No matter how many times Twilight tried to move-on after the funeral, she always looked back on that day. How did this happen? She always thought that somewhere, Rainbow must have tried to comeback. But… whatever happened to her….. As she kept losing herself in the sea of thought. Applejack figured this was the best time to snap her out of it.

 

“Twilight!”

 

“Wha.. huh!?” Twilight sputtered out of her thoughts.

 

“Is everything all-right sugarcube?”  Applejack asked with concern.

 

“I…” Twilight knew she had been caught and could not lie her way out of it.  “No.”  She said sadly.

 

“Care to share?”

 

“It feels, empty.”

 

“Come again?”

 

“Rainbow, then Spike. Without them….. it isn’t the same Applejack. I just can’t help this feeling.”

 

“Twi, we all miss them. But….. We have to face facts. Rainbow is gone. Whatever took her….”

 

“Stop it!”   Applejack stepped back at the outburst.   “Applejack, it doesn’t feel like Rainbow Dash just, died.”  Twilight drew up one of her many theories from memory, “If that happened, then her magic would have been dissolved instantly.”

 

“What are you getting at?” Applejack asked carefully.  She knew that given the chance, Twilight would go off on a tangent and spiral down into a maniac depression.

 

“That her cloud home, it’s still there, back at Ponyville.”

 

Applejack wondered at how a cloud home had any significance to a ponies demise, but decided to let Twilight explain it, “And that means….”

 

“It means that she may still be alive.  Cloud homes are magically tied to their owners!”

 

“Hold on sugar cube.  Or, maybe the new owners have been maintaining it. Maybe she died sometime after they sold her property.”

 

Twilight shook her head. “Then, explain to me why the magical charge feels the same as Rainbow’s and not Scootaloo’s.”

 

“You know I can’t answer that. So you’re sayin’ that Rainbow is…”

 

“Twilight! There you are.” A familiar voice called out.  Sparkle and her friends saw Princess Miamore Cadenza waving ecstatically towards the group while Princess Celestia and Princess Luna gave a curt nod behind her.

 

            Before any other pleasantries were given, Cadence and Twilight rushed to each other to perform their special greeting ritual.  Both princesses burst into laughter soon afterwards.  “I'm so glad you could make it.  I haven't seen you in a long time.”

 

            “I'm sorry Cadence. I've been busy reviewing my friendship notes and adventures.  And Discord has been getting active recently.  I think he's trying to cheer me up in his own way.”  Twilight paused to look around for her brother. Normally he'd be right by her sister-in-law's side.  “Where's Shining?”

 

            Some of the mirth in Cadence's face faded. “There were some... urgent matters that he had to take care of.”   She saw concern suddenly envelop Twilight and her friends.  “Nothing bad, I assure you.  Just something that was unavoidable.”

 

            “Come on you two.  The games are about to start.  We mustn't be late for the opening ceremony”, Celestia said to them.  The group nodded in agreement and walked, or in Pinkie’s case hopped, to where the royalty and honorable guests would preside.

 

^^^^

 

The subdued atmosphere from before erupted into unconstrained excitement once the opening ceremony began.  Each event, race and competition was met with fierce determination from all the athletes.  All the fans of Poniville cheered louder for Scootaloo when she got silver in flying competition than winners fan base. For once in a long time, Twilight was enjoying herself as she watched her hometown play.  She didn't care if they won or lost.  It only matter if they were having fun. Then came the halftime song

 

A pony with grey fur and darker grey mane with business suit on came on stage

“We are pleased to present for the last time on stage Sapphire Shores and first time here, Sweetie Belle!”, he announced.  He was followed by thunderous cacophony of cheer which didn’t quiet down till the lights dimmed.  Two spot lights shined upon the musical diva and her protégé.  They song very loud like and their voice echo throughout the stadium, to make sure no one  didn't hear them and they sung for a good 5 minutes.

 

            The stadium was buzzing with commotion. It was a performance beyond anyponies expectations.  Rarity was shedding liquid pride.  “That’s my sister!” she shouted over the crowd, much to everyone’s surprise.

 

The games continued on its agenda.  The next competition was the flyers relay race.  Twilight was wondering how well the new wonderbolts would do against the griffon kingdoms best.  She found herself staring at the attention grabbing eagle/lion hybrids when one of them looked at her.  She felt a rush of air and juice blow over her when a sudden shock of sound ripped the air to her left.  Her ears pinned back from the sudden ringing in her head, trying to recover from the bang.  She turned to where Cadence had sat.  Twilight’s eyes shank to pin pricks.  Crimson liquid dripped from her face as the urge to vomit quickly crept up her throat.  Princess Cadence beheaded body slumped to the ground with a thud.

 

The short silence after the bang exploded into screams of terror and freight. All sense of reason was thrown away as thousands of ponies ran in a panicked frenzy out of the stadium.  The guards tried to maintain order but were overwhelmed by the masses. Twilight looked at her old mentor and was frightened to see the fury burning in her eyes.  Her expression was shared by her sister Luna who took command of the guards to escort the ponies to safety.

 

Twilight felt her heart tear into more pieces.  Someone had just taken a dear friend of hers away right in front of her.  Soon, she felt rage boil to the forefront of her mind.  I won’t let this go unsolved likethe full story Rainbow Dash.  There’s still a chance to catch the murderer.  Blinking back the tears in her eyes, she quickly scanned the chaotic scene before her and cast tracing spells over Cadence’s body.

 

Despite how well hidden the assassin was when committing the act, the griffon was now exposed as he hastily tried to pack his gear.  Twilight spied him on the rooftops outside the stadium and teleported to him in an instant.   

 

Twilight charged her telekinesis spell, “Hey!  Where do you…”  Her magic gripped the griffon as he spun around and attempted to knock her out with a punch.  However he was slammed into the ground before he could.  “Think you’re going!?”  Twilight finished.  “Do you know what you took from me?”  She lifted him into the air and slammed him harder into the ground.  His body crushed over his right wing as his head banged against the floor.  “How could do it!?  Why did you do it!?”  Twilight was screaming through her tears.  Sorrow, rage and battled in her head until finally she let him go from her magical grip.

 

Blood spilled from the griffons wounds where bone and broken through.  Despite the pain, the assassin glared at the small princess.  Ever so slowly, a cruel smile crept upon his beak.  He reached under one of his wings and pulled out a small contraption that had a barrel and trigger.  The assassin raised it to his head.

 

“May the Master guide us all!”,

 

“What are you--?” Twilight was cut off when the griffon assassin pulled the trigger.  A loud crack rang in her ears as the griffon’s body slumped to the floor.  Blood poured out of the side of his open head.  Twilight stood there in wide eyed bewilderment.  She was shocked, confused, terrified, and angry even.  But none of what she felt gave her the answers she wanted.  Amidst the chorus of screams below in Manehattan, Twilight could swear she heard a low chuckle

Edited December 31, 2014 by COBLoneWolf