writing The Rhythm of Lava

[super*specialSTAR 19]

A low rumbling ensues, slow but sure.

And very silently, flames of passion

Hide as red and orange undertones.

This passion is hatred, anger, or love?

 

A calming echoing beat is the heartbeat

Of a strong, calm volcano, waiting to erupt.

It slowly waits to strike, its moment critical.

The sturdy emotions of fiery attitude stir.

 

They appear as red ribbons, enveiling me.

And a tune of death dances on your heart.

You're lethal, I'm laconic, we're not the same.

Two heart beats are slow, but never together.

 

If blood creeps into your soul, there is no room.

Tainted black corruption, is your smile and mind.

Our love was a vibrato, then our hatred is pizzicato.

Sharp burst of pain are as delicate as feathers first.

 

The slow, steady rthym of lava never ends, always flows...

[Aureity 3,055]

Very good! If you'll allow me to make a few constructive criticisms on it:

 

"A calming echoing beat is the heartbeat" seems slightly redundant to me.

 

"It slowly waits to strike, its moment critical." There's nothing bad about this line, but I tend to think of fire as "fast and furious", not slow.

 

"The sturdy emotions of fiery attitude stir." Again, fire doesn't really bring up an image of "sturdy" to me, unless you're hinting at the earth the lava will become later on, but I doubt you are.

 

Those were all I could really find at a glance, your poem is quite excellent