writing Captain John Crocutamon

[Foliha 395]

Croaker John

 

Come listen here to a tale of fear; it’s worth at least a penny,

and pass it on to all your friends, (assuming you have any.)

His mates can call him Croaker John, but his mates are very few.

He's Captain John Crocutamon, nothing else, to the likes of you.

 

Now Croaker John likes a jest, he does. He dearly loves a jape.

And if you laugh and roar with him your life will be shipshape.

Now the captain's laugh is the queerest thing, a mix of giggle and squall.

But don't be afeared young sailor, he's a hyena, after all.

 

Another thing about his jokes, my fine and fair sea-rover,

if they're funny once, they're funny twice, and over and over and over.

So don't forget, me hearty, loose your laughter in a flood,

for if you don't give a great guffaw, the price will be your blood.

 

For though our dear old Croaker John has a laugh you'de call a boomer,

in some ways, (just 'twixt you and me,) he has no sense of humor.

He laughs and chuckles all day long as if his life's a lark,

but mayhap you put one foot wrong, he'll feed you to a shark.

 

The captain keeps a brindle hound, a fierce and surly tyke,

which trails him like his shadow, and her name is Marlin-spike.

She has a nose for mutiny and lads who shirk their duty,

and well she knows if a jack-tar's mind dwells on the captian's booty.

 

Beware her eye if she comes anigh and fixes it upon you.

Ill deeds she'll find deep in your mind, she'll know them afore you do.

If loyalty she finds in thee, with sharp fangs she’ll defend you.

But never forget; treat her like a pet, and she'll use those teeth to rend you.

 

Old Croaker John’s the master of a sloop called Nightingale.

In a swifter, trimmer craft my lad, you'll never hope to sail.

But you'de better be the captain's man if you step upon her deck,

and be quick and true and trusty if you value your young neck.

 

For our captain John Crocutamon and his canny Marlinspike

are a pair not to be trifled with, but this bargain they will strike:

Do your duty well, and laugh like hell at whatever John finds funny,

and you're bound to land in adventure grand and have pockets full of money.

 

poem and artwork © Geonni Banner