critique wanted MLP: Equestria Gunners: An Arsenal FC Tale

[AndrewKnapp 121]

Alexis Sanchez, Mesut Ozil, and Zane Julien were training at London Colney. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck the ground and opened a portal! The portal sucked Alexis, Mesut and Zane through it. Little did they know, the portal lead to Canterlot High School! An adventure was about to begin...

 

When Alexis woke up, he noticed he was in front of a school. "Where am I?" he asked himself. He walked up the stairs and quietly slipped through the door. He saw some of the students. They looked normal, except for one thing: they had different colored skin tones. green, blue, light purple, white, he saw a bunch. But first, he had to find Mesut and Zane.

 

Alexis went into the library. Suddenly, a hidden trapdoor opened beneath him, and he fell to the basement. When he came to, he found Mesut and Zane chained! A cold, evil laugh echoed around Alexis. "Who's there?" said Alexis, who was very scared. "Alexis..." the voice said, "You may have heard of me. I am KING SOMBRA!!!".

 

"If you want your friends to be released and to go home, " said Sombra, "You must defeat me in a DUEL!". "What kind of duel?", said Alexis. "A magic duel duel!", said Sombra. "I don't have any magic!" cried Alexis. Suddenly, he felt himself changing. A bright light flashed around him. Sombra recoiled from the light. When it had faded, Alexis was a unicorn with a light brown coat, a black mane, and red and blue armor resembling the Chilean national soccer team! "Now we can duel!", said Alexis powerfully.

 

The battle started. Sombra fired a blast of black crystals straight at Alexis' horn. Alexis used his magic to create a shield made from the Chilean national soccer team crest that deflected the crystals. Then he formed a red a blue throwing axe! He used his magic to throw the axe at Sombra. A red and blue energy ring formed around Sombra. "NOOO-OOOOOOO!!!!" cried Sombra as he was vaporized by the blast. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and Alexis, Mesut, and Zane were back at London Colney. "What an adventure!", said Alexis.              

 

THE END