critique wanted Another OC. Help?

[El Duderino 878]

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lense-flare-r9344

 

So I made this OC, but she is far from finished. What I have is more of a rough draft. Nothing about her is set in stone. The one thing I really like is her appearance, but I am open to suggestions. I plan on adding more depth to her backstory, but that's all I came up with when I was posting the character.

 

So what do you guys think? What can be improved?

[VinylWubs 1,249]

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lense-flare-r9344

 

So I made this OC, but she is far from finished. What I have is more of a rough draft. Nothing about her is set in stone. The one thing I really like is her appearance, but I am open to suggestions. I plan on adding more depth to her backstory, but that's all I came up with when I was posting the character.

 

So what do you guys think? What can be improved?

Your backstory can be improved.. Why not explain what her parents were like and how she got her interest into photography. You could explain how stress she can be in her work when the ponies don't take her seriously. That's all I have so far.

[hollow-shades 129]

the only thing that annoys me is that

 

She isn't exactly teal

 

 

https://thisbugslifedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/35c5b0b89b8f65f20797f55dab377c65.jpg

 

 

She is more navy blue-ish?

[MDLineArt 93]

When I first look at characters, I avoid looking at "personality" sections and read the Backgrounds.  From there, I try and figure out what kind of personality their actions are telling me in those backgrounds.  The problem here is, the background doesn't really tell us much at all does it?  She's a perfectionist when it comes to her photography, maybe with some self-control issues.

What you do have listed are a few quirks, which is a good start, but don't be afraid to dig a little deeper.  What does she hope to do?  Why is that 'perfect shot' so important?  

 

A quick Warning I would offer you;  When you say you are going to 'add more depth', my biggest worry is that you mean you are going to add 'more stuff'.  More stuff does not make a deep character however, because it doesn't reflect any of the personality traits or passions that come from the beliefs she already has.  Instead, I would suggest taking what you do have, and try and ask yourself 5WH (Who What When Where Why and How).  

 

Who gave her the chance to start photography?  What was her challenge to get that first perfect shot?  When was she challenged to get that perfect shot?  Where did it take her?  Why was this shot so necessary?  How did she get in and out of the trouble caused by her passion?

Depending on your answers you get radically different people.

[El Duderino 878]

When I first look at characters, I avoid looking at "personality" sections and read the Backgrounds.  From there, I try and figure out what kind of personality their actions are telling me in those backgrounds.  The problem here is, the background doesn't really tell us much at all does it?  She's a perfectionist when it comes to her photography, maybe with some self-control issues.

 

What you do have listed are a few quirks, which is a good start, but don't be afraid to dig a little deeper.  What does she hope to do?  Why is that 'perfect shot' so important?  

 

A quick Warning I would offer you;  When you say you are going to 'add more depth', my biggest worry is that you mean you are going to add 'more stuff'.  More stuff does not make a deep character however, because it doesn't reflect any of the personality traits or passions that come from the beliefs she already has.  Instead, I would suggest taking what you do have, and try and ask yourself 5WH (Who What When Where Why and How).  

 

Who gave her the chance to start photography?  What was her challenge to get that first perfect shot?  When was she challenged to get that perfect shot?  Where did it take her?  Why was this shot so necessary?  How did she get in and out of the trouble caused by her passion?

 

Depending on your answers you get radically different people.

What I've already written is really just a frame for adding more detail. I didn't want to force myself to come up with a detailed backstory when I was writing it (which was very late at night when I was half asleep).

 

When I say "more depth" I mean more details on why she has certain personality traits, why she has certain interests. Not necessarily more stories or actual events in her life. I plan on editing the things that are already there to have more detail that will explain why she is how she is today. I like to keep my backstories relatively short. When someone has a really long backstory, I get bored and don't read the whole thing. I don't want that to happen with my own OCs. I think the point of a backstory is to make the character seem real and to explain why the character acts how they do, why they have certain interests, why they like or dislike another character, or whatever else the author deems important to the characters development. If I wanted to include a story about some of their adventures, I would write an actual story.

 

I'll definitely think about how explaining her photography a little more, and I will add a little more depth to her personality. I looked at my other OCs and noticed that with them, I tried to use some personality traits to explain the other ones. For example, one of my OCs has some emotional scars from his father and doesn't like others helping him, but he tries to cover those issues up with the other aspects of his personality. I will try to do something similar with this OC. Like maybe others don't take her very seriously because she is a smart ass, and she is such a perfectionist because no one takes her work seriously. How about that?

[MDLineArt 93]

What I've already written is really just a frame for adding more detail. I didn't want to force myself to come up with a detailed backstory when I was writing it (which was very late at night when I was half asleep).

 

Glad to hear your response El Duderino!

 

Sorry that you were writing half-asleep.  I can understand the want to keep stories short, and you always feel like you are cropping out something crucial, so I empathize with you on that part.  To give ya a little insight, the way I treat any character is with the same eye that I would treat one of my players in a Dungeons and Dragons / Vampire: The Masquerade game, I try to see personality traits, a background summery and the character's strengths and flaws (Also, unfinished business is a gold mine for character development and plot hooks), so I am treating the situation as though this is a character you were bringing into a game of mine and asking myself the same questions as I would for any other Player Character.  With that in mind, let's continue! 

 

I can definitely understand the brevity you want to keep with your back story.  May be the reason I haven't received any responses to my own posts, so I guess there is something to be learned from that.  (Ironically I thought it was very abbreviated)

 

I look forward to seeing what you do for adding depth.  Again, the criticism was based on what I run into alot when I hear 'depth', which seems to miss the idea of digging deeper into presented themes and instead tries to find more themes to slap onto it, which doesn't make it a deep character rather than what I find to be an incoherent mess that is difficult to work with and starts flowing into Mary Sue issues.  I don't think that was the direction you were intending, and after reading your reply I am glad to see you had the same thought I did with it.

 

Perfectionism is a very self-destructive trait, and I am glad you are considering the ramifications.  Sometimes it causes us to chase for impossible expectations, or worse, makes us paralyzed because no matter how good we are or how far we come, it isnt enough, so we dont even try until we think the stars have aligned perfectly and everything is in motion.  I think the social aspect on how it effects the OC is actually a good one, and I would urge you to explore it a little further.

 

Thanks for the response!  I look forward to seeing what direction Lense Flare will go!

[Starlet Harmony 128]

I love the idea! Her colors seem a little off to me though... they are a little too mute. From an artists perspective, I would definitely make her body a tad more green so its more of a turquoise color. (@flinp provided a color reference). But i really like the purple of her hair, and I think that if her body was more of a vibrant green-blue, it would stand out more!