critique wanted Rate my OCs?

[hollow-shades 129]

So, I made 3 OCs lately, and for some reason I feel like there's something wrong with them:

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/musical-strokes-r9320

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/heartbroken-matter-r9348

 

https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/sweet-blossom-r9351

 

So...critiques?

[MDLineArt 93]

Since you're asking for critique, I'll just go through them in sequence and tell you my first impressions.  I'll try to keep it constructive, and hopefully some of this will be useful for you.  All I ask is you follow up with these characters, and see if we can bring them up a peg.

 

Musical Strokes
Ok, the very first thing that came to mind was that this seemed very forced to have a relation with the main characters for no real reason other than to tie them into a key moment in the plot, but then doing nothing with that moment of the plot that could be unique.

Outside of that, the background really doesn't say anything about the character.  Look at the personality you listed, and ask yourself if we as the reader could piece together who this pony is without seeing 'Personality'.  People are the results of their experiences and decisions, so use that to show us who they are.  Until we as an audience can understand where Musical Strokes is coming from, it's going to be difficult for us to empathize with him.

As far as his pallet, the biggest thing is how saturated everything is.  Most ponies are done in a pastel (Soft muted colours) instead of over saturated pure colours.  It's softer on the eyes, and will make him visually work in the theme.

 

 

Heartbroken Matter

Ok, there really isnt much to go on this, outside of the pallet is again a little saturated.  However, there is a piece that I think has ALOT of potential.  The power to make someone fall in love with you for only a few minutes is ripe for story, and if I am taking her name into account, I think the problem is the personality is wrong.  What you have here is a villain, someone who can force an unnatural connection that is over in a short period of time.  Let's run down the consequences of such an ability.

First of all, she is able to influence people's behaviour around them on a whim.  How many times can you force other people to fall for you and then immediately leave that state after their times up, before you start seeing that their feelings no longer matter because you can change them, it doesn't matter if they want their feelings to change or not. 

 

I also feel that because of it, maybe the emotion itself is something she feels is false.  It may have started with the best of intentions, stopping friends from getting into trouble, helping however Heart can.  Over time though, it just becomes a trick, something she can do.  Maybe the name isn't her original name but one she took because time and time again she would make those around her fall in love, but then they would 'reject' her when the time finished.  She would have to grow a very thick skin to make that constant yo-yoing of Heart's emotional state of being loved then rejected, reaching out to someone else, and it happens again, over and over.

Maybe the character feels isolated, because they become scared to let anyone near them because every time she let someone in it ends in tragedy.  Her ability to trust erodes, and by the end she is left in self-isolation, wanting real love, not some cheap trick, but in the end her own actions have isolated her from everything and everyone she cared about.  Lonelyness, in the end of her tale, would be her only real reward.


Sweet Blossom

Sweet Blossom I would argue is your most rounded character.  Strikes me as a little ADHD, as she's described to hyper-focus, and in doing so that can be detrimental.  I will admit I think hers is the most understood personality with a backstory I think needs work because I really don't understand it that clearly (Could be that I am still new to MLP), but I would ask, what kind of story do you want to tell with Sweet Blossom? 

 

I like the environmental activist angle, especially one who has a volitale temper towards it.  She strikes me as somepony who doesn't have alot of buttons to press, but when you press it, watch out.  I would like to see this behaviour played out a lot more in her backstory and start running with really showing us what this pony is like rather than a list of of past events.

I think while the hair is a little saturated, the dark tone for the body actually suits this more down-to-earth character.  I think one of the reasons for this is because you didn't try to tie this one into the cannon, but instead focused on the traits that defined her, and backed it up in her backstory.

 

Hope this was helpful. 

 

 

[Starlet Harmony 128]

Sweet blossom is my favorite! I love her hair! the only problem that I see with these OC's is that as MDLineArt mentioned, the colors are a little too saturated and muted, and since you used an online pony generator, the hairstyles aren't very unique. I think you did a great job developing their bios, but the pony themselves could be a little more unique. You should try drawing them yourself and tweeting their hairstyles to make them specific to YOU! Great job!

[hollow-shades 129]

Thanks everyone for the ratings! Gonna fix most things that you all pointed out.

[Socks and Broken 22]

I'd love to see the revised versions.