critique wanted Character: Brass Brush

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

I need to know if I should make him more interesting or even undo any unintentional "mary sue" elements

EDIT: Updated Bio Details, thanks to @@Hazard Time's help

Name: Brass Brush

Age: 35

Gender: Male

Race: Earth Pony

Arms: Brass Horshoes and a compound bow

Skills: fistfighting, archery, craftsmanship, general arts

Personallity: creative, sociable, self-loathing, reckless

Cutie Mark: Brass Brush

Bio: Brass came from a nomadic tribe, which valued the art of warfare and survival. Motivated by his own desires, Brass traded with a demon of Tartarus for tools and materials to further his artistic endeavors. Little did he know, the seemingly cheap trade on his end provided the tools needed for a ritual which resulted in the destruction of his tribe. Crushed by the weight of his guilt, he banished himself to the depths of the wilderness. At first, he merely stayed to punish himself. After a while, he became disgusted by his helplessness, thus creating the motivation to survive on his own merits. Five long years passed. Wishing to further his atonement by benefiting those in the living world, Brass Pushed himself to survive in the most barren of wastelands without the help of his brethren. He emerged far stronger than before, having a deeper appreciation for the world he missed.

Being motivated by his guilt, he is reluctant in letting others fight his battles. This mentality often leads to reckless, even potentially self-destructive behavior. Letting others join in his battles often requires convincing that to do otherwise would be selfish on his part. Having firm belief in his principles, he can be somewhat abrasive when communicating them to others.

When he isn't fighting monsters to atone for his wrongdoing, he feeds his hobby of creating art.


any suggestions to make him better as a character?

Edited November 21, 2016 by Sarge Sixteenbit

[Hazard Time 1,127]

I only really have a couple questions about him:

 

1. How did he get into/escape Tartarus?  Cerberus exists to prevent anypony from getting in or out of Tartarus, so this question not only asks how he was able to avoid getting eaten by Cerberus on his way in, but how he was able to avoid the same while on his way out?
2. Where did he learn his combat skills?  It seems that his primary personality trait is his artistic creativity, and it's never quite explained where, when, or how he learned how to fight.

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

 

I only really have a couple questions about him:

 

1. How did he get into/escape Tartarus?  Cerberus exists to prevent anypony from getting in or out of Tartarus, so this question not only asks how he was able to avoid getting eaten by Cerberus on his way in, but how he was able to avoid the same while on his way out?
2. Where did he learn his combat skills?  It seems that his primary personality trait is his artistic creativity, and it's never quite explained where, when, or how he learned how to fight.

 

 

I see, I will refine the character.

 

Perhaps Tartarus was the wrong place for him to logically be able to banish himself to. A place in the wilderness perhaps?

 

What if the ability to fight and shoot arrows was a common trait, taught among ponies of his nomadic culture? Or would that be too much of a stretch?

[Hazard Time 1,127]

I see, I will refine the character.

 

Perhaps Tartarus was the wrong place for him to logically be able to banish himself to. A place in the wilderness perhaps?

 

What if the ability to fight and shoot arrows was a common trait, taught among ponies of his nomadic culture? Or would that be too much of a stretch?

 

I think it would be better to seek exile in the wilderness, yes.

 

I don't think it would be too much of a stretch that a nomadic culture would have every member of the tribe skilled in hunting and warfare, but the problem is: what are a group of quadrupedal vegetarians doing hunting?  A nomadic culture doesn't really fit in with equines unless it's hunter-gatherer, though you might have ideas that I haven't considered.

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

I think it would be better to seek exile in the wilderness, yes.

 

I don't think it would be too much of a stretch that a nomadic culture would have every member of the tribe skilled in hunting and warfare, but the problem is: what are a group of quadrupedal vegetarians doing hunting?  A nomadic culture doesn't really fit in with equines unless it's hunter-gatherer, though you might have ideas that I haven't considered.

Hunter-gatherer sounds logical. Keep in mind that there are other uses for bows and arrows other than hunting animals. Besides warfare and self defense, arrows can be used for sport, sending distress signals (should it have a whistle or flare on it), or if it's a fire arrow, it can be ideal for destroying wood-based structures.