How do you feel about this creature?

[Nightfall Veilwing 1,138]

There are a lot of non-pony OCs in the brony community, and I took my shot at it. 

This creature is called a Schwarzschild.
Here's the Schwarschild in the form of Spike.

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AGE: 1000yr+
GENDER: GENDERLESS
SPECIES: Schwarzschild
RESIDENCE: Canterlot Castle Dungeon
OCCUPATION: UNKNOWN
CREATOR: Princess Luna
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During Discord's reign, Princess Luna created the Schwarzschild as a means to test the Elements of Harmony for when she and Celestia face Discord.
The dungeon of Cantorlot Castle was barely used, as there were never any prisoners down there, so it was repurposed as a testing chamber for the Elements of Harmony, and the dungeon was redesigned to have 100 rooms with each room having a trial for the Elements, each one harder than the last.
The Schwarzschild was place in the final room (Room #100).
The Schwarzschild is a shapeshifter that copies the forms and abilities of others.
After Discord was defeated, the dungeon and the Schwarzschild weren't being used for testing the Elements, and the Schwarszchild was forgotten, and the entrance to the dungeon was locked and guarded so nopony would go down there (willingly or otherwise) and get lost or die.
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APPEARANCE
Since a Schwarzschild doesn't reflect any light, they appear to be all black in color. This reflects Luna's insecurities that she doesn't want anypony to see, so the all-black appearance represents Luna wanting to conceal her secrets from others.
Only Luna knows what the Schwarzschild's true appearance is, behind the all-black "shell."
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TRIVIA
1. The Schwarzschild is based on Shadoo, a character in Super Paper Mario.
2. The repurpose and new design of the Cantorlot Castle dungeon is based on The Pit of 100 Trials from Super Paper Mario.
3. The species Schwarzschild gets its name from the Schwarzschild radius.
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So, whatcha think about the Schwarzschild? .

Edited February 24, 2018 by Millennium Shadow

[Widdershins 9,959]

  Well, if you don't mind the criticism...

 For One: that's an awful lot of importance your putting on something that doesn't really have its own character. A character, essentially is a personality and this is more of "monster to fight" rather than an Original Character. The whole Hundred Rooms, each being harder then the other (which... I don't think works out mathematically, unless you've somehow sat down to assign an exact 1% to a quality of difficulty... something I get the feeling was part of the joke in Paper Mario. It seems like their sense of humor.) kind of comes across as a ploy to sound more epic or threatening.

  For Dos: the whole "amorphous representation of Luna's emotions" has kind of already been done in the Tantabus. I'm not saying no, just that... well... surely she can't have done that twice! Especially how that incident turned out.

For Pi: While I am unabashedly enthralled and amazed how you found a way to build a character design out of pretty much only one fact; there's no real reason for it to be shaped like Spike. Or... really even exist. A hundred trials feels like it would get redundant after a while, after all, there's only some six elements to test. Nor do its shapeshifting powers seem to really have anything to do with its origin of creation. It's abilities, while definitive of it, don't seem to play much into anything else. Kind of like a side note.

   I suspect this may have to do with the Shadoo already being kind of a thin premise. I haven't played the game of course, but it kind of seems like the notion of fighting the other characters came first before explaining why it was there. Kind of like Dark Link. Think the same holds true here; the abilities came before the form. I do like the whole Boggart notion you're going with, adaptable in form it be.

 For 4x4:  It's kind of hard to get emotionally invested in "Thing from Place." What hopes, dreams, tendency to react in situations or outlook does it have? What can you do with this idea further? Perhaps a fanfiction, but then it'd have to be squarely focused on a monster's first view, or a third person adventure on defeating it. Tying it by some sort of emotional connection with Luna doesn't seem to work, since it was intended as more of a test then a sentient creature. That's what they did with the Tantabus after all, it was more of a threat alone, sort of like a Hurricane.   ...and I don't see creative representations of a Hurricane... around.        If I look that up... and actually find something...

  For Chives: Must say though, that's a rather clever name you came up with. You've certainly got talent there! 

 For Saxaphone Solo:  You spelled Canterlot wrong there.

 

   Over all, it needs a little bit more to it, but I do get the sort of minimalist vibe your getting at there. If I had to rate it... I'd give it eighteen Greples. 

[Nightfall Veilwing 1,138]

On 11/9/2017 at 3:23 AM, Widdershins said:

1. That's an awful lot of importance your putting on something that doesn't really have its own character.

2. The whole "amorphous representation of Luna's emotions" has kind of already been done in the Tantabus. I'm not saying no, just that...well...surely she can't have done that twice, specially how that incident turned out.

3. While I am unabashedly enthralled and amazed how you found a way to build a character design out of pretty much only one fact, there's no real reason for it to be shaped like Spike, or really even exist. 100 trials feels like it would get redundant after a while. After all, there's only some 6 Elements to test. Nor do its shape-shifting powers seem to really have anything to do with its origin of creation. It's abilities, while definitive of it, don't seem to play much into anything else, kind of like a side note.I suspect this may have to do with the Shadoo already being kind of a thin premise. I haven't played the game, of course, but it kind of seems like the notion of fighting the other characters came first before explaining why it was there, kind of like Dark Link. Think the same holds true, here; the abilities came before the form. I do like the whole boggart notion you're going with, adaptable in form it be.

4. What can you do with this idea further?

5. Must say, though, that's a rather clever name you came up with. You've certainly got talent, there! 

6. You spelled "Canterlot" wrong, there.

7. Over all, it needs a little bit more to it, but I do get the sort of minimalist vibe your getting at, there. If I had to rate it...I'd give it 18 Greples. 

1. The Schwarzschild doesn't have much of a role in the story, yes, but what little part it has will be important.

2. The Schwarzschild is a character in my main MLP fanfic, which is a part of my The Ponicle ("pony" + "chonicle") series. It's a separate MLP universe, but it does share some elements (no pun intended) with the official MLP universe (even though it's "official," it's still a different MLP universe), but some may have been re-purposed, redesigned, given a different origin story, etc. In this case, the Tantabus in my fic isn't the same as FiM's Tantabus, and it's not Luna creation like the Schwarzschild was.

3. It's more like a "each room tests the Elements in a different way" kind of deal. Both Celestia and Luna would each take 49 rooms solo to test all 6 Elements, and for rooms #50 and #100, they team up and use the Elements together.
I like how you compared the Schwarzschild to a boggart. The Schwarzchild is similar to a boggart, but Luna designed the Schwarzschild to mimic one's "darker" side. By that, I mean, it reflects your more selfish side. Put simply, The Schwarzshild was made as a test of one's character, as Luna describes it as a "mirror that reveals and imitates your inner darkness."
The main reason why the Schwarzschild took Spike's shape is because he noticed he was in possession one of the Elements of Chaos, the Element of Betrayal, specifically, and it how it influenced Spike intrigued it. The Schwarzschild tested Spike the first time in the 100 trials when he accidentally fell into the Canterlot dungeon and reawakening it.

4. After the Schwarzchild escaped the Canterlot dungeon, by disguising itself as Spike's shadow after he completed all 100 trials, it continued to "play shadow" for a while, but it would wait to test Spike when he gain one of the Elements of Harmony, the Element of Unity. After that, the Schwarzschild was now purposeless because Spike had passed the tests, and with the Canterlot dungeon destroyed and having no place to go to, it disappeared after wishing Spike luck in fulfilling his mission, never to been seen or heard from again...anypony from Equestria, that is... 

5. Thanks. 

6. Fixed. 

7. What's a "Greple"? 

The Schwarzschild isn't an evil creature, it was designed to teach you how to conquer your inner darkness. And in this case, it was a literal metaphor and face-to-face.  And as the card says, only Luna knows what the Schwarzschild really looks like, what its true form is.
BTW, I love your avatar. It's of Magical Ghost, right? You a Yu-Gi-Oh! fan, too? 

Edited February 25, 2018 by Millennium Shadow

[Total Lunar Eclipse 516]

I think it's great =D Not necessarily meant to be a character, but as you said, a creature. Creatures shouldn't always have personalities, especially if the premise—like in this case—is for it to be a mystery. 

Perhaps the personality or character, or some other quality would be revealed if we ever saw it through Luna's eyes. 

Anyway, very nicely done with all the history behind it and how it ties into the show.

Edited February 25, 2018 by Total Lunar Eclipse

[Nightfall Veilwing 1,138]

39 minutes ago, Total Lunar Eclipse said:

Anyway, very nicely done with all the history behind it and how it ties into the show.

Thanks.
The Schwarzschild is actually from my MLP fanfic that's a part of my The Ponicle series. 

[Widdershins 9,959]

Did you just... completely paraphrase every single thing I said, yet still attribute a viable quote box and an equal amount of needless effort?  ...I like the cut of ya jib, matey!

 

   That's kind of what I'm hung up on about, really. If the creature is just meant as a test & a thing to overcome, what is its importance then and why should an audience hold any investment in it to expect further development? You said it yourself there, that the Schwarzchild is purposeless. Kind of like any random trap-monster from D&D getting loose. It's not really a threat out on it's own, because if it was, it'd already be a bigger priority and have the entire Equestrian political system hunting it down constantly.

  After all, it was just one of a hundred, right? Wouldn't any barrage of such tests only need to be done once? Because if the elements to pass that step, you wouldn't need to do it again, right? Hundred seems to deflate the import there. Maybe it being of a set of three or six, maybe...

   That's sort of the trouble with fanficing. Is if you go too far off the path of show-cannon, you might as well close that final percent difference and just be your own fully-fledged & self-contained story & world. But that's just my own ignorant opinion. I've never bothered to hunt down anything about Fallout: Equestria. And that works quite well while seemingly only having the same species of characters.

 Pick & choose too much, and you'll just raise more questions and give yourself more work. But hey, I'm lazy!

 

Good thing too, about that naming convention you came up with there. Would of initially confused The Ponicle as a crossover of MLP and the Lego Bionicle toy line!

On 2/24/2018 at 5:57 PM, Millennium Shadow said:

7. What's a "Greple"? 

 Well, that's for meee to know! And for youuuu to fiiiind OUT!              (Hint: It's a reference entirely based off of total Improv. Don't strain yourself looking for too deep a meaning.)

 And yes, thank you, it totally was! Past-Tense, that is! And I am, as evidenced by the several other Card arts I cycled through shortly afterwards!

   (and by fan, we mean an only base assumption of how the game is actually played! But not knowing the rules hasn't stopped me before!)

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

Schwarzschild is actually a cool name for a creature/being that is pure darkness and reflects no light.

[Nightfall Veilwing 1,138]

13 hours ago, cuteycindyhoney said:

Schwarzschild is actually a cool name for a creature/being that is pure darkness and reflects no light.

Thanks. The Schwarzschild was named after the Schwarzschild radius. 

[cuteycindyhoney 13,307]

9 hours ago, Millennium Shadow said:

Thanks. The Schwarzschild was named after the Schwarzschild radius. 

One of the greatest titles I ever came across in Science Fiction was "Beyond The Blue Event Horizon" from Frederik Pohl's Heechee saga. I think that book is why I knew what Schwarzchild referred to.

(Best movie title:  "Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking your Juice in the Hood")

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Try to stay on topic peeps. ^^