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Hey, I finally joined this site and I have a few questions about a fanfic I'm writing


lyrabetes3939
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My Favourite Mane 6 Pony

fluttershy

How did you find MLP Forums?

I've known about this site for about a year but never created an account until now

How you became a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

I knew about the brony fandom but was curious as to why the show was so popular. So I checked it out and got hooked.

Anyway, I've been trying to write an Equestria Girls fanfic where an OC named Sky Scraper (heavily based on me) moves to Canterlot High between the events of Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games. He develops a crush on Fluttershy (best pony, best girl and my waifu for life) and they eventually become a couple. I was satisfied with what I've been writing for a while, but eventually I realized that the story wasn't really going anywhere and it was just boring and not enjoyable to read or write. Yeah, this version of Sky Scraper was really just a self-insert. But I really want to make this work, and so I've decided to reinvent Sky Scraper as a much more rude, grumpy and insensitive version of myself. He only cares about himself and his intelligence is basically his only redeeming quality. However, he gradually gets nicer once he meets a certain shy kind girl ;)

I'm just feeling kind of lost with this and am looking for some writing tips. Any experienced writers out there who can help me out with this? Cheers :)

Edited by shyabetes3939
just a minor typo that I had to fix
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14 minutes ago, shyabetes3939 said:

Anyway, I've been trying to write an Equestria Girls fanfic where an OC named Sky Scraper (heavily based on me) moves to Canterlot High between the events of Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games. He develops a crush on Fluttershy (best pony, best girl and my waifu for life) and they eventually become a couple. I was satisfied with what I've been writing for a while, but eventually I realized that the story wasn't really going anywhere and it was just boring and not enjoyable to read or write. Yeah, this version Sky Scraper was really just a self-insert. But I really want to make this work, and so I've decided to reinvent Sky Scraper as a much more rude, grumpy and insensitive version of myself. He only cares about himself and his intelligence is basically his only redeeming quality. However, he gradually gets nicer once he meets a certain shy kind girl ;)

I'm just feeling kind of lost with this and am looking for some writing tips. Any experienced writers out there who can help me out with this? Cheers :)

My Favourite Mane 6 Pony: fluttershy
How did you find MLP Forums?: I've known about this site for about a year but never created an account until now
How you became a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: I knew about the brony fandom but was curious as to why the show was so popular. So I checked it out and got hooked.

LOL, hopefully that wall of text wasn't too confusing

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Welcome to the forums! I would like to give you advice on your fanfic but I haven't watched anything other than the first Equestria Girls movie so sorry on that. I could possibly recommend that you give us the entire fanfic so we can give constructive criticism on it.

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It's pretty long, but here you go. I've only written 3 chapters and TBH I'm not too proud of how they've come out. I basically got bored with this after chapter 3 so I'm hoping to redo it completely.

Hopefully you don't have too hard of a time trying to understand Donald and Douglas' dialect :D

 

 

Spoiler

 

1

New School, New Friends

 

Winter had come and gone in Canterlot, and it was an unusually warm February. The events of the Fall Formal and the Battle of the Bands had long since passed, and all of the students at Canterlot High School were in good spirits. All, that is, except Sky Scraper.

Sky Scraper was a new student at Canterlot High. He had been forced to move in the middle of his junior year, as his dad had recently gotten a new job in the city. His old town, Manebridge, was very far away from Canterlot, and had his family stayed there, the commute to and from work would have been a nightmare for his dad. Although he wouldn’t exactly miss his old school – he didn’t really have any friends and the building itself was very old – he was still unsure about the point of transferring for just a year and a half.

Although he’d already been for a tour of the school in the afternoon of Friday, February 2, the following Monday was officially his first day at CHS. That morning, as Sky walked up to the front door, behind a large crowd of students going in, he pulled his phone out of his backpack and checked the time. It was 8:27 AM, three minutes before school was to officially start.

Well, that’s one good thing about this place, he thought. At his old school, the first class of the day started at 7:35 AM, and trying to wake up an hour before was a huge pain in the ass.

Sky put his phone back in his backpack and pushed his long blue and black hair aside as he stepped through the doors, trying to blend in with the crowd. Once inside, he marveled at the very modern-looking interior. Canterlot High School was certainly a lot nicer looking than Manebridge High. For such a wealthy town, Manebridge had an awful lot of crappy old buildings.

He soon found a bench next to the big main staircase, sat down and pulled his schedule, which he’d received via email and printed on Saturday, out of his pocket. His first class was Pre-Calculus in room 317.

“Dammit!” he muttered to himself. “All the way on the third floor?” He sighed, put his schedule back in his pocket and climbed up the main stairs to the second floor. Then, to reach the third floor, he had to use a different set of stairs at the back of the building. Sky found the extra distance he had to walk just to reach the other set of stairs very annoying.

Well, this design sucks, he thought. Why couldn’t they just build one set of stairs all the way up like every other school?

Once he was on the third floor, he soon found the door numbered 317 and walked in. There, the teacher, a grumpy-looking old guy, was standing in front of the class. He turned to Sky as soon as he walked in.

“You new here?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Sky replied. “I’m Sky Scraper. I just moved here.”

Hi, Sky Scraper!” pretty much everyone in the class said in unison.

“Nice to meet you, Sky Scraper.” said the teacher. “I’m Mr. Cranky. Welcome to CHS.”

So, where do I sit?” asked Sky.

“There’s an empty seat over there.” said Mr. Cranky, pointing to an empty seat in the back right corner. “You can sit there. Also, we have a test on Wednesday, so we’re doing a review packet today, here it is.” He handed Sky a three-page packet of math problems. Sky took it and walked over to the empty seat.

Sky’s desk was next to two huge guys who were clearly twins. One had the number nine on his shirt sleeve, and the other had the number ten. They both had red mohawks.

When Sky sat down, the twin with the number nine on his sleeve put a beefy arm around his shoulder. “Walcome tae CHS, laddie!” he said. “A’m Donal!”

“An’ A’m Douggie!” said his brother.

Noticing their names, accents, and the kilts they were wearing, Sky suddenly realized something. “Are you guys the Caledonian Twins?!” he exclaimed.

“Aye, an’ proud of it!” said Douglas. “Hoo’d ye ken aboot uz?”

The jocks at my old school used to talk about you guys all the time. Said you were the best wrestlers in the whole state. Is that true?”

“Weel, A niver blowst, but aye.” said Donald. He flexed his right arm. Sky was impressed by the size of his muscles.

“Whaur’d ye muive here fae?” Douglas asked.

“I just moved here from Manebridge.” Sky replied. “My dad got a new job in the city and commuting from Manebridge to here would have been a pain in the ass. At first I really didn’t see the point of changing schools for just a year and a half, but looking around at this place, it’s a hell of a lot nicer than my old school.”

“Aye, Douggie an’ A hae been tae Manebridge Heich.” said Donald. “That place is a dump. Nae offense, o’ coorse.”

Sky chuckled. “None taken. I didn’t like that place, either.”

“Ye ken, if ye’re nervish aboot stairtin’ here, it’s nae muckle deal.” said Douglas. “Donal’ an’ I muived here fae Scotland afore freshman year. We were nervish tae, but in a few weeks we luved it here. CHS is a real fun place.”

Oh, cool!” said Sky. “Say, shouldn’t we be doing this review packet?”

“Aye, but this stuff isna that haurd.” said Donald. “We awready ken hou tae dae it.”

“True.” said Sky. “I learned all this stuff at my old school. Say, why are you guys called Donald and Douglas? Those are pretty unusual names.”

“Weel, in Scotland Sky Scraper wad be an unusual name.” Donald explained. “Ye see, Scottish parents like tae gie thair childer semple names, sae as tae evite confuision.”

Hmm, interesting!” said Sky. “Anyway, what kinds of fun things happen here? You said it’s a really fun place.”

Douglas laughed. “Trust me, if A tauld ye aboot some o’ the things that hae happent this year, ye wadna believe me.”

Sky chuckled again. “I suppose that’s a good thing. Manebridge High was boring as hell. Practically everyone acted the same and I didn’t have any real friends, which kind of sucked.”

Donald smiled. “Weel, A’d say ye’v juist made twa.”

For the rest of the class, Sky, Donald and Douglas got to know each other, and talked at length about everything and nothing. They found that they had a few interests in common, such as Formula One and the disdain for a certain driver named Lewis. “He’s whit we caw a proper English wanker!” Donald laughed.

At the end of class, Mr Cranky said, “That’s it for today’s class. Have a nice day. Also, the packet is not homework, so don’t worry if you didn’t finish it.” All of the students began getting up to leave.

“Weel, that’s guid.” said Douglas.

“I’ll say.” Sky laughed. “We literally didn’t do a single problem. What class do you have next?”

“English.” said Douglas. “Room 131.”

“Hey, same!” Sky exclaimed.

“I hae Muisic in the auditorium.” said Donald. “I guess I’ll see ye at lunch, Douggie.” He turned and walked toward the stairs. Sky and Douglas followed.

“Say, dae ye want tae sit wi’ uz at lunch, laddie?” Douglas asked.

“Hell yeah!” said Sky. “That sounds great!” He and Douglas followed Donald down the stairs.

This is awesome!, Sky thought to himself. One class and I’ve already made a couple of friends!

He was beginning to like Canterlot High.

 

Three class periods later, Sky entered the cafeteria for lunch. The cafeteria was full of students from all grades milling about, trying to find a table. Many were already seated with their friends. Sky looked around the room, trying to find the Twins.

Suddenly, Douglas called out from a few tables away, “Hey, Sky! Ower here!” Sky ran to Douglas’ table and sat down next to him. Also seated there were Donald, another guy with a light blue mohawk, and two girls. One had spiky silver hair, and the other had teal hair and a pink bow.

“Sky Scraper, meet Thunderlane, Cloudchaser an’ Flitter.” said Douglas, pointing to each of his friends. Sky introduced himself as well.

“Sky Scraper, my dude!” said Thunderlane. “You new here, bro?”

“Yup.” said Sky. “I moved here from Manebridge. This is my first day here.”

“Well then, welcome to CHS!” said Thunderlane.

“Ah, Manebridge.” Cloudchaser remarked. “It’s an alright town, but boy, do they need to build a new high school!”

Sky chuckled. “Oh, hell yeah. Every day I went to that dump, I was worried it’d collapse on me.”

“Same!” Cloudchaser laughed. “By the way, do you do any sports?”

“Yeah!” said Sky. “For the past three years I’ve been on the Manebridge cross country team. This past season I went to the state championship.”

“Oh hey, me too!” said Cloudchaser. She high-fived Sky Scraper from across the table. “Do you do winter or spring track?”

“Nah. I did spring track freshman year, but I didn’t like it. I’m more of a distance guy.” Sky explained. “Plus, running in circles really doesn’t do it for me. It’s just boring as hell.”

“I guess I can see that.” said Cloudchaser. “I usually do the two-mile.”

“Are you and Flitter sisters?” Sky asked.

“We’re twins, but we’re not identical.” Cloudchaser replied.

“But we used to look a lot alike in middle school.” Flitter added. “In fact, I started wearing a bow just so people wouldn’t keep confusing us.”

Thunderlane laughed. “I’ll tell you a funny story. This happened back in sixth grade. In the middle of the school day, these two went into the bathroom and completely swapped outfits. They fooled practically everyone, but I wasn’t buyin’ it. So the next time I saw Cloudchaser, who was pretending to be Flitter, I just said, ‘Hey, Cloudchaser!’ and sure enough, she was all like, ‘Wazzup, Thunderlane!’”

“And that’s how our cover was blown!” Flitter laughed. Cloudchaser rolled her eyes at the mention of her mistake all those years ago.

A few minutes later, Sky was enjoying more laughs with his new group of friends when, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a table of six girls on the other side of the cafeteria. He immediately recognized Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer, both of whom had been in a couple of his classes earlier in the day. But his gaze wasn’t focused on either of them.

Seated next to Rainbow Dash was a girl with very long light pink hair, a white tank top and a green skirt with butterflies on it. In Sky’s mind, she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen in his life. He was soon staring at her from across the cafeteria.

However, his dreamy gaze was interrupted when Douglas tapped him on the shoulder. “Um… Sky? Whit’re ye leukin’ at?”

Sky turned bright red and immediately snapped around to face his own table again. “Nothing! Just drifted off. That’s all.”

“That’s awricht, laddie.” said Douglas. “It happens tae all o’ uz, dinna fash yersel.”

The lunch bell then rang and everyone got up to leave the cafeteria. As he and his friends headed out the door, Sky got one last look at the pink-haired girl and smiled to himself.

 

 

2

Not Just a Passing Crush

 

By the end of his first week, Sky had fully settled in to Canterlot High. His first week had gone much better than he’d expected – he’d found a group of friends to hang out with, and on Wednesday he’d gotten an A+ on his first pre-calculus test at this school. The teachers here were also better than the ones at his old school. So he was in a very good mood on Friday afternoon, when he, Donald and Douglas walked home from school together. Although all three boys had cars, they walked to and from school because they didn’t feel like dealing with the traffic.

“Sae, what’d ye think o’ yer first week here at CHS?” asked Douglas.

“Well, I have to say you were right.” Sky replied. “CHS is a really fun place.”

“Gled ye like it, laddie.” said Donald. “By the wey, whaur d’ye leeve? Ye’v niver tauld uz.”

“You know that steel building by the train tracks?” said Sky. “I live in there. Apartment 8F. The building itself is pretty new, and the apartments are really nice. I guess if you ever want to come over, you can.”

“Och, we leeve juist twa streets ower fae ye!” said Donald. “Shame Douggie an’ A canna hing oot this efternuin – we hae a wrastlin meet at fower an’ ha ta gae hame, eat something, get oor gear an’ be back at schuil tae catch the bus.”

“It’s an away meet? Where?”

“In Cake Toun.” said Douglas. “It’s a lang bus ride, sae we ha ta get hame an’ be back quickly.”

The boys had almost reached Donald and Douglas’ street when all of a sudden, a massive downpour of rain fell on them. “God damn it!” Sky growled. “It was so nice all week!”

“Och, dinna be sae grumpie.” Douglas chuckled. “It mynds me o’ Scotland, all brisk an’ nippy. Care tae stey oot an’ enjey some highland wather?”

“Are you nuts?!” Sky cried. “It’s horrible out here! I’m going inside, see ya!” He ran down the last two blocks to his apartment building.

Sky’s apartment building was an 11-story steel building positioned near the tracks of a rail line running to and from the more urban side of Canterlot. The building had only been built a few years ago, and the inner facilities of the building were very modern. It had two glass elevators, six fairly large apartments on each floor from two to 11, and a laundry room and a pool on the ground floor.

As the rain seemed to only be intensifying, Sky continued running until he reached the front door of the building and dashed inside. Once in the lobby, he stopped and shook some of the water out of his hair. Then he walked over to the elevators and pressed the button. When the one on the left arrived, Sky Scraper got in and pushed the number eight button. The doors closed, and the elevator began to ascend.

When the floor counter reached eight, the elevator coasted to a smooth stop. Sky got out and walked down the hall to Apartment 8F. He pulled his key out of his backpack, turned it in the lock, opened the door and walked in. He was finally home and out of the pouring rain.

 

Most of the time, very intense rainfall in a short period of time means a passing shower, but this time that was not the case. It continued raining like hell all weekend, and all weekend Sky stayed indoors. He mainly spent the weekend texting in a group chat with his friends, all of whom he’d added to his contacts list on his phone.

On Sunday night, the rain finally stopped, but the ground was still damp as Sky, Donald and Douglas walked to school the following morning.

“Well, did you enjoy your highland weather this weekend?” Sky laughed.

“Och aye!” said Douglas. “It wis a nice myndin o’ oor auld hame.”

Sky chuckled to himself. Donald and Douglas sure were proud Scotsmen.

The three of them were in the middle of a large crowd of students walking into school. As soon as they set foot on the tiled floor, Donald nearly slipped and fell. “Och, it’s like walkin on ice!” he exclaimed.

“You alright, Donald?” Sky asked.

“A’m fine, lad!” Donald replied.

The floors had been polished right before school was due to start, and the students’ wet shoes made it worse. Multiple students were trying not to slip as they went to their first class of the day.

Sky, Donald and Douglas walked carefully up the stairs to the third floor. But when they got to Mr. Cranky’s room, there was a notice taped to the door. It read:

 

MR. CRANKY’S CLASSES ARE CANCELED

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12

 

NO HOMEWORK

 

“Ay!” Donald exclaimed.

“Ye dae realeese this means we cam tae schuil for naethin’, richt?” asked Douglas.

“Aye, but it’s still nice.” said Donald. Douglas and Sky agreed.

“Let’s go to the caf.” said Sky. “Everyone else in our class is probably hanging out there.”

So Sky, Donald and Douglas headed downstairs to the cafeteria. There, they found a large group of students all seated at tables – apparently a lot of teachers were out today.

Sky, Donald and Douglas found an empty table and sat down. But no sooner had they sat down than an overweight guy with gray hair sauntered up to them. He pointed to Donald and said, “Hey Donnie, for the last time! Arm-wrestle, now!”

Donald sighed heavily. “Och, fine. Lat’s gae.” He got up and left the table.

Sky Scraper looked at Douglas. “What was that all about?”

“Dumb-Bell here challenged Donal tae an airm-wrastle on Friday, but Donal didna feel like it.” Douglas explained. “Noo the eediot thinks Donal’s juist afraid he’ll lose an’ he’s bathert him aboot it all weekend. That’s why Donal wisna in the group chat sae much this weekend if ye’re wonderin’. He was busy tellin’ Dumb-Bell tae feck off. A sweir, Dumb-Bell must hae cawed oor hoose twinty times yisterday.”

Sky was surprised by the last part of what Douglas said. “How the hell could he have gotten your phone number?”

“Schuil directory, laddie.” Douglas replied. “Stalker’s manual. Onywey, lat’s gae find Donal.”

Sky and Douglas soon found Donald seated across from Dumb-Bell on the other side of the cafeteria. Dumb-Bell turned around and called out, “Hey, everyone! I’m about to whip Donnie’s ass!”

Like magic, everyone in the cafeteria crowded around the two big boys. Being athletes, Donald and Dumb-Bell were both well-known throughout the school, and everyone in the cafeteria had chosen a side of the table to stand on. Sky and Douglas stood on Donald’s side, of course, and Sky noticed Rainbow Dash and Sunset Shimmer on Donald’s side as well. The other idiot jocks stood on Dumb-Bell’s side.

Douglas then walked up to the center of the table. “Richt haund?” he asked.

Donald and Dumb-Bell both nodded.

“Awricht. Three, twa, ane, gae!”

Douglas stepped away, and Donald and Dumb-Bell grabbed hold of each other’s right hands and began pushing furiously with gritted teeth. It was a very tough match, with no clear winner.

Sky was surprised at how well Dumb-Bell was holding up against Donald, because Donald had looked to have the bigger muscles out of the two. “Holy crap, this guy’s pretty strong!” he remarked to Douglas.

“He’s in the wecht room, like, all the time.” Douglas explained. “The lad’s fat as hell, though. Donal likely has a heicher muscle mass percentage. Lat’s gae, Donal! Ye got this, lad!”

For what seemed like an eternity, Donald and Dumb-Bell’s arms remained in a deadlock, with neither one looking ready to give in.

“This is taking forever!” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Come on, Donald! Beat this guy already!”

“You got this, bro!” shouted Hoops, one of Dumb-Bell’s idiot friends. “Kick his ass!”

Finally, Dumb-Bell began to wince and his arm started to slip. Donald kept pushing with a determined smile on his face. Then with one final effort, Donald pushed Dumb-Bell’s arm down onto the table.

Donald’s side of the table erupted with cheers. Dumb-Bell looked away as Donald stood up and raised his arms in victory.

Rainbow Dash ran up and high-fived Donald as hard as she could. “Awesome!” she exclaimed. “You just killed him at the end there!”

Donald laughed. “Aye, lassie, but it wis a guid ane!”

Sky walked up to Donald and pat him on the back. “Well then, it looks like he won’t be bothering you anymore.” he remarked.

“Aye. An’ A canna say A’m dissapyntit aboot that. By the wey, d’ye hae the time?”

“Sure.” Sky pulled his phone out of his backpack and turned it on. The clock display read 09:19. “It’s nine-nineteen.” Then Sky realized something. It was now just one minute before his English class, which was all the way at the other end of the school, was due to start. And as he’d found out last Thursday, his English teacher was very strict when it came to tardiness. “Oh shit!” Sky growled. “I’m gonna be late to class! See ya, Donald, gotta go!” And Sky raced out of the cafeteria and down the hall.

The hallway was crowded with hundreds of students rushing to and fro, and gaps between students were few and far between. But Sky wasn’t worried about that. He was very familiar with weaving through and breaking out of large packs.

For three years in a row, Sky had been a Manebridge High cross-country runner, and this past season he had been on the varsity team. Obviously he’d had to weave through groups of slower runners many times, and obviously he could move very fast. In a little while he was about three-quarters of the way to his English classroom. But in all the commotion, he’d completely forgotten about the slippery floors. Other students were also on the verge of being late, but there was a reason none of them were running.

There was a gigantic wet spot in the middle of the hallway. Every other student walking that way had seen the wet spot and avoided it. Sky, on the other hand, was so focused on not being late to class that he didn’t see he was heading straight for it. Too late he saw the wet spot and too late he tried to arrest his speed. His right foot landed squarely on it, and Sky slipped and went flying into the air.

Everything happened so quickly. One moment Sky was looking straight ahead, the next he shut his eyes as he flew into the air on his back. He heard a female scream and felt two impacts, one of his body crashing back-first onto the ground, the other of a not-so-heavy person landing right on top of him.

Sky feebly opened his eyes and saw a mesmerizing sight directly above him: two bright teal eyes were looking down at him. The eyes shone like a pair of green topazes, and Sky felt very soft, very long, light pink hair brushing against his cheeks. As he lay there on his back, looking up into those beautiful teal eyes, Sky felt his face get warm. In an instant, he realized that when he slipped, he had crashed into the same girl that he had dreamily stared at at lunch on his first day.

“A – Are you okay?” Sky asked, concerned.

“I’m… fine.” the girl replied. “Are you?”

Upon hearing the girl’s voice, Sky felt his face get even warmer. Not only was she the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen in his life, she had the sweetest and most angelic voice he’d ever heard. To be this close to her, even if by accident, was simply amazing and it felt like a dream.

Sky kept looking into her teal eyes and chuckled nervously. “Yeah. I’ll probably feel it in a couple hours though.”

Sky looked into her eyes for a few more seconds, which felt like a few minutes. Then the girl got to her feet and held out her hand to help him up. He blushed an even deeper shade of red as he took her hand and pulled himself upright. He let go of her hand once he was on his feet again.

“You all right, Fluttershy?” asked another girl standing nearby. Sky recognized her as the blonde-haired girl from Fluttershy’s lunch table.

“Don’t worry, Applejack, I’m fine.” Fluttershy replied.

The longer Sky looked at Fluttershy, the more enamored and more nervous he felt. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, and he was terrified that he would say something wrong and scare Fluttershy away. But he didn’t want any awkward silences either. So he continued looking at her and smiled. “Fluttershy.” he said softly. “That’s a nice name.”

Fluttershy looked at the floor and giggled quietly. “Aw, thanks. What’s yours?”

“I’m Sky Scraper.” Sky replied, trying not to stutter or say anything cheesy. “You’ve probably never seen me before – I just moved here last week.”

Fluttershy, as her name suggested, was quite shy. She slowly twirled a lock of her hair and smiled nervously. “Um… nice to meet you, Sky Scraper.” she said quietly. “I, um… guess I’ll see you around.” She smiled again at Sky and walked away, just as Donald and Douglas came up.

Donald looked at the back of Sky’s shirt. “Thare’s a wappin weet spat on yer back, Sky.” he remarked. “Whit happent tae ye?”

“Oh, that? I slipped and fell ‘cause I was running – didn’t see a wet spot on the floor.”

“Ye awricht, lad?” asked Douglas.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sky replied. “But I’ll probably be sore in a little while.”

Suddenly Donald grinned at remembering what he had just seen. “Speakin o’ whit,” he said slowly and quietly, “A saw ye talkin tae Fluttershy juist a wee while ago. Yer face wis gettin awfully reid…”

At the mention of his recent interactions with Fluttershy, Sky turned red again. “No, it wasn’t!” he snapped. “I crashed into her when I fell and was just making sure she was okay. That was all.”

“Aye, A’m shair.” Donald said with a sarcastic tone.

“Well then, you would be right.” Sky said firmly, irritated by Donald’s teasing. “So let’s just drop this – nothing more needs to be said.”

“Suit yersel, lad.” said Donald, still grinning.

Douglas looked up at the clock. “Cripe, we’re gaun’ae be late for cless!” he exclaimed. “Lat’s gae!”

“Och, ye’re richt!” Donald immediately darted off toward the auditorium, while Sky and Douglas hustled to English class.

As he and Douglas hurried down the hall, Sky realized that they were definitely going to get it from their English teacher. But as he thought happily about Fluttershy, he really didn’t care.

 

 

3

Chance Encounter

 

That Wednesday, the inside of the school looked considerably different than it had before. When Sky, Donald and Douglas walked into school that morning, every single wall was lined with dozens of pink and red banners and heart-shaped balloons. It was Valentine’s Day and whoever decorated the walls had really gone all-out. Sky, however, had never actually cared about Valentine’s Day simply because he’d never had a girlfriend. But he was nonetheless impressed by all the decorations that someone had clearly gone through a lot of effort to put up. “Who decorated the walls?” he asked.

“Pinkie Pie, o’ coorse.” Donald replied. “She’s ayeweys buskin the halls whane’er there’s a haliday.”

Sky had no idea who this Pinkie Pie girl was. “Wait, who’s Pinkie Pie? I’ve never met her before.”

“Ye dinna ken her? She’s heid o’ the pairty plannin comatee.” Douglas explained. “Fluffy pink hair, weirs a pink dress wi’ balloons on it. If ye hivna met her, ye will suin eneuch.”

Sky pondered Douglas’ description of Pinkie Pie and realized that he had actually seen her before – at Fluttershy’s lunch table. Ever since slipping and crashing into Fluttershy on Monday, Sky had been thinking about her off and on, although not once had he ever brought this up to his friends. At the same time, however, Sky pondered to himself if maybe it was silly to have a crush on someone he’d only ever talked to once.

As Sky, Donald and Douglas took their usual route up two separate sets of stairs to the third floor, they noticed multiple couples hugging and exchanging gifts. Some of them Sky recognized, others he had never seen before. He was enjoying himself when an awful thought suddenly struck him.

What if I see Fluttershy with another guy?, he worried to himself. As he walked through the halls, he kept an extremely careful watch on everyone around him, just to make sure. Although he didn’t see Fluttershy or any of her friends for that matter, he was still worried about it when he walked into Mr. Cranky’s classroom.

Sky’s schedule always went as follows: Pre-Calculus, English, Engineering, Chemistry, then after lunch Latin, Art and History. Every time he moved from one class to the next, he kept an eye out to make sure he didn’t see Fluttershy taking to another guy. Fortunately for him, he never saw such a sight. He did however, see Fluttershy pass him in the halls a couple of times, usually with one of her girl friends. Each time she passed, he smiled to himself.

Just like at Manebridge High, the school day at Canterlot High was an hour shorter on Wednesdays. The day also passed by quickly due to the constant flow of work. All in all, Sky was in a pretty good mood when he went home that afternoon.

 

Despite the consistent flow of work during the school day, Sky didn’t have very much homework, and so he had a lot of free time before dinner, which he spent watching YouTube videos and texting his friends in their group chat. After dinner, Sky’s mom asked him if he could go to the city supermarket and buy some groceries for her.

“Sure thing!” Sky replied. Since he had no siblings, he always ran errands when his parents were either too busy or didn’t feel like it. After his mom gave him a shopping list and a pair of shopping bags, Sky left his apartment and took the elevator alone down to the lobby. Sky always liked riding in elevators by himself. It gave him time to think.

When he’d made it down to the lobby, he walked out through the glass front doors and around the side of the building to the parking lot. There, next to his parents’ cars, he found his own car: a shiny blue convertible with a canvas roof. As he unlocked the doors of his convertible and climbed in, he felt a cold wind.

Jeez, it’s cold tonight, he thought to himself. I’d better close up the roof. He did so when he sat down in the driver’s seat. He then turned the key in the ignition and the car fired into life. The clock on the dashboard read 7:48 as Sky pulled out of the parking lot and set off for the city.

Sky always enjoyed driving through the city at night, and what a beautiful night it was tonight. The moon and stars could clearly be seen in the night sky, and the illuminated windows of each building lit up the landscape. All the noises of the city came together and sounded beautiful.

At eight o’clock sharp, Sky reached the giant supermarket located deep in the city. Large, illuminated blue letters on the front of the building read CANTERLOT CITY MEGA MART. Since hardly anyone bothered to shop for groceries at this hour, the big parking lot was nearly empty. Sky chose a space right next to the entrance, climbed out of his car and grabbed his bags from the passenger seat. As he walked into the store, which would still be open until eleven, Sky noticed that quite a few of the Valentine’s Day balloons and banners were still there, having not been bought by anyone.

Sky always liked to run his errands as fast as he could – in fact, he usually ran them at night just to avoid the crowds. Although he’d been in here once before, he was still impressed by the sheer size of the place. He realized that even if he ran as fast as he could, getting through the entire store would still take a while. So he grabbed a shopping cart, threw his bags in it and immediately ran into the first aisle.

For a while thereafter, Sky ran back and forth with his cart through almost every aisle in the store, grabbing what he needed and crossing off each item on his list as he went. Once he’d gotten the final item on his list, Sky turned out of the last aisle and raced toward the registers.

Sky was running toward the self-checkout at top speed when someone suddenly pushed another cart out of the pet food aisle. Sky tried to stop, but he and his cart were moving too fast. He winced as his cart smashed into the other one and sent it into the endcap, knocking a few things off the shelves.

“Oh, crap! Sorry!” Sky exclaimed. He didn’t immediately look to see whose cart he had crashed into, but picked up the stuff that was on the floor and placed it back on the endcap. Fortunately, there was no damage done to either cart, and Sky himself was fine.

A familiar voice said, “It’s okay! No damage done!” Sky snapped his head around to see a certain girl standing between the two shopping carts. Sky felt his face get warm immediately and tried to think of something to say.

“Um… hi, Fluttershy.” he said, blushing and stuttering. “Fancy running into you here – literally.” He chuckled nervously.

Fluttershy smiled and giggled quietly like she had when Sky first met her. “Hi, Sky. It’s um… nice to see you, I guess.”

Sky didn’t know what to say and felt very awkward. But he figured he’d try and initiate a conversation with his crush, seeing as this may be his only chance to do so. He cleared his throat. “Y – You too. I was just, um… running my usual errands. I like shopping at night since, you know, there’s less of a crowd.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Oh, me too. Shopping here when’s it’s really busy can be so overwhelming.”

Sky glanced at Fluttershy’s shopping cart and noticed around seven or eight bags of pet food in it. “That’s an… awful lot of pet food.” he remarked. “How many pets do you have?”

Fluttershy giggled again. “Too many to count! I just love animals, they’re so cute!!!”

Sky had always had a certain fondness for animals too, but he hadn’t had a pet since he was very little. His dog had died a really long time ago, and Sky didn’t really like telling stories about himself. But he decided he may as well tell Fluttershy this one. “Yeah, they are.” he said. “When I was little, my family had a dog. His name was Max. He was a big black Lab, and really nice too. He just loved being around people. He didn’t like other dogs, though. I could tell you so many stories about him trying to attack dogs that walked past our house.”

“Oh, goodness!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“He was still a great dog though, you’d have loved him. Was always calm when he was at home with us. But when he was around thirteen, he got really sick and we had to put him down.”

“Oh, no! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine.” said Sky. “It was a long time ago. I don’t really think about him too often now.”

Fluttershy smiled. “I understand. I’ve had pets who’ve died before. It’s sad when it happens, but eventually I have to move on.”

“You know about the animal shelter in Canterlot, right?” Sky asked.

Fluttershy’s face lit up. “Yes, of course! I work there part-time!”

Sky was grinning from ear to ear on the inside. He was very pleasantly surprised by how outwardly calm he’d remained this whole time talking to Fluttershy, and at how much the shy, quiet girl he’d first met two days ago had opened up to him.

Sky chuckled. “That’s cool. I don’t even have a part-time job, mainly because I’m too lazy.”

Fluttershy twirled her hair again. “Well… the animal shelter does accept volunteers.”

Sky felt his face get warm again. Fluttershy had basically just asked him to spend time with her! “Th – That sounds… wonderful.” he stuttered, trying not to say anything stupid. “W – Would this Friday work?”

“Oh yes, that’s perfect!” said Fluttershy.

Still blushing, Sky smiled. “Well then, I… guess I’ll see you Friday.” And Sky turned and headed for the registers, more slowly this time. As he breezed through the self-checkout and walked out to his car, parked all alone by the front of the store, he felt great. Now that he’d had a real conversation with Fluttershy and gotten to know her somewhat, he liked her even more. Fluttershy was really cute and a real sweetheart with a passion for animals – basically his dream girl. Sky put his groceries in the back seat, then drove home. For the first time in quite a while, everything seemed to be going his way.

 

 

Edited by Sunset Rose
Putting story in spoilers
  • Brohoof 1
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Welcome to MLPF, @shyabetes3939! I'm very happy to see new written fan content artists showing up. ^ ^

Please have a look at our written works section here.

Just as a head up, I've gone ahead and put what you had posted in spoilers just to save a little space on scrolling, nothing big. ^ ^

Enjoy your stay here, and please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions! :)

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