Help with the prologue of one of my stories

[Shady Mist 55]

A pony was captured by timberwolves for years but has finally escaped. But what I need help with is how she escape and why it took so long. Please help.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Hey there! I'm gonna need more context if I'm gonna try to help you with your story. 

[Shady Mist 55]

3 hours ago, Courageous Thunder Dash said:

Hey there! I'm gonna need more context if I'm gonna try to help you with your story. 

Spoiler

Her husband was killed, but she was kept alive as a breeder, but was only able to have one cult before she escaped.

Also I might change it and have it be a flashback instead of a prologue, maybe have both, I'm not sure yet. And incase you might ask, no, it is not a clopfic

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Okay. Several questions linger: 

Why was this pony captured? 
 

was her husband killed trying to save her or for another reason? 

[Shady Mist 55]

25 minutes ago, Courageous Thunder Dash said:

Okay. Several questions linger: 

Why was this pony captured? 
 

was her husband killed trying to save her or for another reason? 

I'm still really early into writing.

Spoiler

1. I already said, she was captured for breeding/a broodmare.

2. They were together when they were both got attacked.

 

[Venomous 18,813]

@Shady Mist

Threads asking for assistance with an MLP-related fan fiction belongs in AK Yrealing’s a Writing Resources. It has been moved there. The section Written Fan Works is designated for complete pieces only.

Also, your thread’s title has been altered for proper context.

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

why would timber wolves capture her to breed with a mare!?... I'm guessing the one who mated with her is the mastermind? or the timber wolves are actually smart and is trying to make a farm of ponies for them to eat?

was she forcefully mated with her husband or with another mare? 

escape reason.... well she did get pregnant and wouldn't want to endanger her child right? so she took her time to find the perfect and safest opening to escape....

[Shady Mist 55]

4 hours ago, Kujamih said:

why would timber wolves capture her to breed with a mare!?... I'm guessing the one who mated with her is the mastermind? or the timber wolves are actually smart and is trying to make a farm of ponies for them to eat?

was she forcefully mated with her husband or with another mare? 

escape reason.... well she did get pregnant and wouldn't want to endanger her child right? so she took her time to find the perfect and safest opening to escape....

Quote

why would timber wolves capture her to breed with a mare!?

I don't want to spoil, but I have a reason.

Quote

I'm guessing the one who mated with her is the mastermind?

If you mean alpha, yes.

Quote

the timber wolves are actually smart and is trying to make a farm of ponies for them to eat?

No.

Quote

well she did get pregnant and wouldn't want to endanger her child right? so she took her time to find the perfect and safest opening to escape

But she wasn't pregnant when escaping. She only gave birth to one cult years before escaping. (I have a reason for that also.) But why it took so long to escape from the timberwolves because their timberwolves they should be easy to break. And having a pony, they would have 2 or 3 members of their pack to guard her. I need to know how she escaped the timberwolves guarding her and why it took this long to escape them.

[Brony Number 42 9,932]

You mean "colt" not "cult." Maybe one timberwolf was nice and he is the one who ponynapped her. He was nice compared to normal timberwolves, but still wouldn't let her leave. She grew to like him because he had a tragic back story.

There came to be a new pack leader who was extra mean. He made things worse in the pack. So she decided she had to leave. Her timberwolf mate went to protect her from the new leader, but he was killed in a fight. Now, she had no one to protect her so she had to leave.

[Shady Mist 55]

1 hour ago, Brony Number 42 said:

You mean "colt" not "cult." Maybe one timberwolf was nice and he is the one who ponynapped her. He was nice compared to normal timberwolves, but still wouldn't let her leave. She grew to like him because he had a tragic back story.

There came to be a new pack leader who was extra mean. He made things worse in the pack. So she decided she had to leave. Her timberwolf mate went to protect her from the new leader, but he was killed in a fight. Now, she had no one to protect her so she had to leave.

The timberwolf that impregnated her was killed before she escaped.

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

9 hours ago, Shady Mist said:

The timberwolf that impregnated her was killed before she escaped.

wut the fudge!?

so the timber wolves took alpha's sperm and put it on to her?

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

oh btw the timber wolves are not easy to destroy kill or dismantle.... unless you have the protagonist armor. so escaping from timber wolves would still be hard.

one reason why she stuck so long on her prison is to get more info about her child about her abductor etc. anything to move the plot. and when she got what she needed she bailed outa there.

that's one good reason.

[Shady Mist 55]

On 2022-01-01 at 4:28 PM, Courageous Thunder Dash said:

Hey there! I'm gonna need more context if I'm gonna try to help you with your story. 

 

18 hours ago, Brony Number 42 said:

You mean "colt" not "cult." Maybe one timberwolf was nice and he is the one who ponynapped her. He was nice compared to normal timberwolves, but still wouldn't let her leave. She grew to like him because he had a tragic back story.

There came to be a new pack leader who was extra mean. He made things worse in the pack. So she decided she had to leave. Her timberwolf mate went to protect her from the new leader, but he was killed in a fight. Now, she had no one to protect her so she had to leave.

 

7 hours ago, Kujamih said:

oh btw the timber wolves are not easy to destroy kill or dismantle.... unless you have the protagonist armor. so escaping from timber wolves would still be hard.

one reason why she stuck so long on her prison is to get more info about her child about her abductor etc. anything to move the plot. and when she got what she needed she bailed outa there.

that's one good reason.

I kept trying to give more info without spoiling to much. But it's hard without more detail, so if you want, read at your own risk. This is the outline of the prologue/flashback scene I need help with. SPOLERS!

Spoiler

The husband and wife went into the Everfree Forest to look for their daughter that the thought ight have gone in there. 

They were attacked by timberwolves.

The husband was killed by the alpha and the mare captured for breeding. (The timberwolves in this universe, when the one kills something that timberwolf kinda gains partial of it's DNA. And now that that timberwolf has DNA from a stallion that timberwolf is the only one that is able to mate with the mare)

The alpha impregnated the mare to have a more sturdy pack and have ponies less likely when their new pack members would attack to attack back.

She gave birth to a colt that was part timberwolf and being so is part of their pack.

The Alpha was always busy training him that he never re-impregnated her before being killed.

Non of the others were able to kill another pony to get her pregnant again.

The colt was a member of their pack and they wouldn't betray one of their own.

The colt was getting up to breeding age, so soon they wouldn't need to kill another pony.

Why it took almost, at least 6 years when her own son was able breed her to escape?

Somehow she escaped before ending up at Fluttershy's cottage?

 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

@Shady Mist

If the colt was part pony, most likely, the pony side of him would add conflict to the timberwolf side of him, almost like Majin Buu from Dragonball Z. 

[Shady Mist 55]

4 hours ago, Courageous Thunder Dash said:

@Shady Mist

If the colt was part pony, most likely, the pony side of him would add conflict to the timberwolf side of him, almost like Majin Buu from Dragonball Z. 

No, he may look like a pony, but he's a timberwolf.

Edited January 3, 2022 by Shady Mist

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

6 hours ago, Shady Mist said:

No, he may look like a pony, but he's a timberwolf.

somewhat contradictory.... you said the colt WAS part timber wolf and you even called it a colt.....

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

I thought Alpha was a pony name!! turns out it was a timberwolf.... okay I don't see what's so hard to make a reason for her having difficulty to escape.....

how about she tries to escape with her child but later found out why they keep getting caught was because of her child. so she was in agony on that and forced to leave her child. got lost in the woods, almost died and by some dumb luck she survives.

you know at this point if you can't even make a simple reason like why she couldn't escape as early as possible on the plot of the story... no one can help you... and PLUS your imagination is very wide, very impressive might I add.... 

so I don't understand is why are you having writer's block from this simple problem?

here's one that'll also fix your problem.... don't give an explanation. let the readers fill in the gap?

[Shady Mist 55]

47 minutes ago, Kujamih said:

I thought Alpha was a pony name!! turns out it was a timberwolf.... okay I don't see what's so hard to make a reason for her having difficulty to escape.....

how about she tries to escape with her child but later found out why they keep getting caught was because of her child. so she was in agony on that and forced to leave her child. got lost in the woods, almost died and by some dumb luck she survives.

you know at this point if you can't even make a simple reason like why she couldn't escape as early as possible on the plot of the story... no one can help you... and PLUS your imagination is very wide, very impressive might I add.... 

so I don't understand is why are you having writer's block from this simple problem?

here's one that'll also fix your problem.... don't give an explanation. let the readers fill in the gap?

But it wouldn't make any sense for non of the mane 6 to ask her and having her explain it to them? 

Quote

PLUS your imagination is very wide, very impressive might I add.... 

Thank you.

[Shady Mist 55]

52 minutes ago, Kujamih said:

I thought Alpha was a pony name!! turns out it was a timberwolf.... okay I don't see what's so hard to make a reason for her having difficulty to escape.....

how about she tries to escape with her child but later found out why they keep getting caught was because of her child. so she was in agony on that and forced to leave her child. got lost in the woods, almost died and by some dumb luck she survives.

you know at this point if you can't even make a simple reason like why she couldn't escape as early as possible on the plot of the story... no one can help you... and PLUS your imagination is very wide, very impressive might I add.... 

so I don't understand is why are you having writer's block from this simple problem?

here's one that'll also fix your problem.... don't give an explanation. let the readers fill in the gap?

No, but I do have a name for him that will be reviled near the end of the story.

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

ahhh okay.... welp I see the problem now... and I think some have seen it.

we can only help you @Shady Mist if you spoil the story to us. 

cuz I had no idea that the mane 6 was involved in the first place... and I think the further we try to help the more spoilers and bits and peaces of the story are gonna come out of your mouth...

so... I'll volunteer for the spoilers just so I can fully help you in your story, if that's okay with you.

[Shady Mist 55]

2 hours ago, Kujamih said:

ahhh okay.... welp I see the problem now... and I think some have seen it.

we can only help you @Shady Mist if you spoil the story to us. 

cuz I had no idea that the mane 6 was involved in the first place... and I think the further we try to help the more spoilers and bits and peaces of the story are gonna come out of your mouth...

so... I'll volunteer for the spoilers just so I can fully help you in your story, if that's okay with you.

I guess you're right, it's just that there's a surprise that I kept trying to keep secret, but sense it's a big part I need to spoil it.

Full outline: SPOILERS!

Spoiler

Escaping the timberwolves.

Ending up at Fluttershy's cottage.

Fluttershy helped her that night and asked her name "Pear Butter".

She was still weak so Fluttershy went out to get her friends to help and get the full story. 

When they arrive back Applejack was in shock to find her mother there.

They mainly talked, asking a bunch of questions, etc.

They asked what happened and how she escaped.

Flashback explaining how.

Bright Mac and Pear Butter went into the Everfree Forest to look for Applejack that the thought might have gone in there. 

They were attacked by timberwolves.

Bright Mac was killed by the alpha and Buttercup captured for breeding. (The timberwolves in this universe, when the one kills something that timberwolf kinda gains partial of it's DNA. And now that that timberwolf has DNA from a stallion that timberwolf is the only one that is able to mate with her)

The alpha impregnated Buttercup to have a more sturdy pack and have ponies less likely when their new pack members would attack to attack back.

She gave birth to a colt that was part timberwolf and being so is part of their pack.

The Alpha was always busy training him that he never re-impregnated her before being killed.

Non of the others were able to kill another pony to get her pregnant again.

The colt was a member of their pack and they wouldn't betray one of their own.

The colt was getting up to breeding age, so soon they wouldn't need to kill another pony.

Escaping the timberwolves before finding Fluttershy's cottage. (Why it took almost, at least 6 years when her own son was able to breed her to escape?)

End flashback.

Applejack wants to save her brother she just learned about.

Pear Butter knows it's a lost cause and tries to tell Applejack, but she wouldn't listen.

The mane 5 decide to go with AJ and stop the timberwolves.

They get attacked.

Applejack tries to get through to her brother that was attacking her. 

Applejack was only dodging his attacks, not fighting.

The final dodge caused an accident killing him. (I don't know how yet.)

Applejack blames her self.

Reuniting Pear Butter with her family and tells them what happened and why AJ is like that.

Funeral for the brother who we learn here his name is Applewood.

Epilogue.

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Shady Mist

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

easy... the 6 years is her trying to persuade apple wood to leave the timber wolf life.... hence her saying to apple jack it's impossible.

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

I never considered pear butter to be strong enough to kill a timber wolf.... especially if it's an alpha... lots of explaining and proper plot there.

[Evil Pink One 12,990]

apple wood died by accidentally chocking from a pebble....

[Shady Mist 55]

5 hours ago, Kujamih said:

easy... the 6 years is her trying to persuade apple wood to leave the timber wolf life.... hence her saying to apple jack it's impossible.

To clarify his character, he looks like a pony but is a timberwolf, howls, growls, doesn't speak, nor understand Ponish.

5 hours ago, Kujamih said:

I never considered pear butter to be strong enough to kill a timber wolf.... especially if it's an alpha... lots of explaining and proper plot there.

I might have it that the alpha was one of the three from "Spike at Your Service".

 

I think I made it past the "how she escaped" by having it begin during after she escaped, instead of before and by messing with her memory of that night. But the 6 years is still messing with me.

I could and probably will change it to 1 or 2 years instead of 6 sense re-researching, 6 is the age of mares not stallions, 1 year is the minimum for stallions and 2 is the minimum for wolves.

But that is still 1 or 2 years missing and raises problems:

1. Having it be that short would place the mane 6 having already met and gone into the Everfree Forest and met Zecora. Having the disappear after, how could 6 mares, a dragon, a zebra, Big Mac who would want to help find them and the CMC would enter after. And 2 who can fly and not find them?

2. Having it be 6 year would probably, maybe (MLP ages are complicated) have Big Mac as a colt, AJ as a filly and Apple Bloom still as a foal. Ponies would still be horrified of just thinking of the Everfree Forest and no matter how much they wanted to help the couldn't get the courage to enter. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Shady Mist