FiM Chaos Reborn (Storyline Critism)

[Cubby4ever445 0]

FiM Chaos Reborn is the first fanfiction that I have ever worked on. It is an intense action horror storyline that blows so many holes in My Little Pony's story that it's not even funny. The thing is, the direction that the storyline goes is likely to make at least one hardcore fan cringe.

The central focus being the origins of Discord and Chaos in general also I have some shocking plot twists. (The death of almost every major character in the series, Celestia's Father being the villian.)

So, what I'm asking for is sound feedback from you guys, on the plot before I post the actual story. The entire plot. (I've never writen a story before! I don't know!) I'm sorry that it's so long.

Warning contains the entire plotline. Needless to say Spoilers.


So the storyline starts off 1000 years ago, right before Discord invades. Celestia and Luna are introduced as already being the rulers of equestria, alongside their father King Demetrius. Discord invades and is vanquished. Everybody is happy. Cut to 1000 years later. It is revealed that shortly after Discord's defeat that Demetrius went mad, and had to be defeated as well. Celestia ponders about Discord's recent escape and wonders if Demetrius got free as well.



Meanwhile in Ponyville the mane 6 find a young human boy named Connor, who is not from equestria. Connor has a really nasty disposition. Still the mane 6 bring him back because he is just a kid. As Twilight and her friend teach Connor about manners and friendship. Ponies around town begin dying of a mysterious sickness. Twilight and her friends try to help figure out whats happening.



Back in Canterlot, the same thing has been happening. No one knows what illness is spreading, the doctors are stumped. Celestia sends a letter to Twilight telling her and her friends to come to Canterlot. This is whan all hell breaks loose.



All of the ponies that died earlier come back as monsters, and overrun the towns. Twilight and her friends fight through the creatures when, Connor betrays them and reveals himself to be King Demetrius. The mane 6 fight against Demetrius but fail miserably. Demetrius, kills Rarity as an act to render the elements of harmony useless. The group flees but not before Fluttershy is killed by the corpse creatures.



The mane 6 fights their way to Canterlot, along the way Rainbow Dash sacrifices herself to distract the creatures. The group reaches Canterlot and tell Celestia and Luna what happened. Demetrius then arrives and declares his seething hatred for his daughters. Cadence and Shining Armor arrive, and a large fight occurs. After a seemingly hopeless battle. Cadence and Shining Armor make a heroic attempt to defeat Demetrius with their magic, But this backfires and they are killed by Demetrius.



Demetrius then proceeds to threaten Celestia and Luna. Twilight and her friends take the elements of harmony from the now open chamber, and attempt to use them, and by some miracle they actually work. The smoke clears and the group realise, that Demetrius is just too powerful, to be defeated by the elements again. It seems like it did hurt him though. Demetrius lashes out at Celestia. Luna pushes her sister out of the way, and is killed by the blast. Demetrius then declares his desire to destroy equestria, his mind slipping into madness, but at this point it seems all hope is lost.



It's at this moment that a familiar face shows up. Discord who somehow broke free again. However before anyone can do or say much, Discord stabs Demetrius in the side. Demetrius retreats, and Discord reveals what they both are. Discord and Demetrius are Chaosbornes, Powerful god like beings that possess the power of Chaos. Discord then reveals that the power of Chaos is intelligent and can enslave it's users if they don't do exactly what their power entells. Cause chaos, distruction and madness.



Discord says that if he didn't do the things he did he would be just like Demetrius. Insane with bloodlust. He says that his way of causing chaos is tame compared to what others have done. It's at this moment that Demetrius returns and kills Pinkie Pie. Demetrius and Discord face off in a massive battle that destroys most of Canterlot. Discord ultimatly wins and seals Demetrius beneath the earth. In the battle Applejack was hit with a stray blast and killed.



Discord confronts Celestia about her feelings. Celestia secretly had always blamed Discord for her fathers madness. Discord says that he wouldn't wish the life he lived on anyone. Chaos chose Demetrius because of a secret burning resentment in his heart. Hatred is the path to corruption. Discord explains, and then says that the only way to stop Demetrius is to kill him. And only a Chaosborne can kill a Chaosborne. Discord promises it will be worth it in the end.



Demetrius breaks free at this moment, and has lost the last bit of sanity he had left. Discord and Demetrius fight in an epic world shattering battle. In the end Discord is victorious but is mortally wounded as well. As Discord dies he takes the elements of harmony and says that they are special antichaos weapons, which is why they had the power to imprison both him and Demetius, and the only weapon effectif against Chaos is the power of Chaos itself. After this stunning reveal Discord tell Twilight and Celestia that with his power and the elements combined, he could restore everything back to the way it was before, including all of the lives lost, but it would take every last bit of power he had and mean he would be gone forever.



The three say their goodbyes, and Discord ironically restores order to the world. Twilight returns to Canterlot to find her friends alive and well. Life returns to normal, and Discord gets a new monument in his honor.







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