Requesting some critiquing on my first fanfic.

[createjc 1]

Alright, I'm going to start out by saying I'm relatively new to the forums, so if I miss a few unspoken rules that some forums tend to have, forgive me.

 

I've, somewhat recently, written a MLP fanfic, and I was wondering if anyone (or, if you want to be term-correct, anypony) would like to take a look at it, and possibly supply me with a bit of constructive criticism? I've only received a bit from two good friends, who have been rather optimistic with the fic. I personally would love to hear from an outside sorce.

 

Just a few things about said fanfic...

 

It's a spinoff to Cupcakes.

It has a bit of gore, but only near the end.

The "main" (or, again, for terminologies sake, "mane") character of my fic is an OC.

It contains a small amount of British swearing.

It contains big words.

The story is unfinished, with two out of three chapters done.

 

Link to Fanfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9068931/1/Case-Files-01-03

 

If you do leave some critiquing, thanks in advance.