OP OC?

[Dreadmallon 353]

   Okay, so recently as I'm making up the story of a fanfiction arc, I've recently been questioning whether or not my OC, New Moon, is overpowered or not (He's not a Gary Stu; GS/MS =/= OP). So I was wondering if I could get some guidelines and advice, and possibly a verdict.

 

   So, his set skills:

• Stealthy
• Intelligent
• An Adept in magic (has same level as say Cadance). Fails with Light Magic (a concept I'm introducing) and Defensive Magic)

    And then the skills I was questioning, considering they might make him OP:

• Can become a foggy mist, similar to Nightmare Moon...or
• Has an unbreakable cape (except by Shadow Forces)...or
• Slight - Moderate weather manipulation, again, similar to Nightmare Moon.

   So, can someone please help me choose, or just straight up give me some advice of some sorts?

 

   P.S His weaknesses are:

•  Weak to Light Magic
•  Stubborn
•  Overly - Protective of cared ones

Edited June 10, 2013 by Alkryn

[Quilava 1,290]

    Well, seeing as how you gave him the quality of being quite stealthy, I'd say the ability to become a foggy mist would be an appropriate match up. However, seeing as this was used by Nightmare Moon (an alicorn, and a wielder of incredibly strong magic) I would have some sort of limitation on this ability (possibly short duration time?), this is being said knowing that he has around the same magic level of Cadance. 

   You can also have him progress a bit throughout your fic, as a sign of growth and it wouldn't make him all that OP either. It's all about how you go about these sort of things that will make your OC seem OP or not.

[Revolver Bobcat 45]

I don't know, it feels like you're trying to make a Final Fantasy caracter more than a pony one.

 

If you want my advice i would just pick 2 perks, 3 tops (Like magic user and smart, those are good together) and rethink your flaws, smart and stuborn are a good match, but overly protective is totally out of place.

[Dreadmallon 353]

    Well, seeing as how you gave him the quality of being quite stealthy, I'd say the ability to become a foggy mist would be an appropriate match up. However, seeing as this was used by Nightmare Moon (an alicorn, and a wielder of incredibly strong magic) I would have some sort of limitation on this ability (possibly short duration time?), this is being said knowing that he has around the same magic level of Cadance. 

   You can also have him progress a bit throughout your fic, as a sign of growth and it wouldn't make him all that OP either. It's all about how you go about these sort of things that will make your OC seem OP or not.

 

   Yeah, that was, and still is, my thoughts on the matter. As I said, I'm not going to have him go near the strength of Celestia/Luna/Nightmare Moon, I want a balanced, likable OC. He's just as strong as SA or Cadance, and possibly Twilight, but I don't have the knowledge of how powerful she is currently.

 

I don't know, it feels like you're trying to make a Final Fantasy caracter more than a pony one.

 

If you want my advice i would just pick 2 perks, 3 tops (Like magic user and smart, those are good together) and rethink your flaws, smart and stuborn are a good match, but overly protective is totally out of place.

 

   Honestly, I know nothing about Final Fantasy.  I mean, he's not a background character, he is the main villain of the arc, so I have to put the effort into him to make him a believable, enjoyable, and threatening character. I'm just trying to lay out his abilities compared to other ponies so people don't get out their pitchforks and torches and yell "OP Mary Sue!!!"

 

 

   Thank you both for your criticism and advice, I'll get back to thinking .

Edited June 8, 2013 by Alkryn

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,354]

 

 

So, can someone please help me choose, or just straight up give me some advice of some sorts?

We just keep running into each other, eh?

-For his powerlevel, I'd say make him less powerful than Cadence in terms of sheer power, but better in technique

-For the skills I'd say either give him the cape (he could have stolen it from a dragon hoard/wizard tower ect.) or the ability to shadowslip: not quite become invisible, but very hard to spot.

[Page.Turner 940]

I don't really have much to say about your character, but I have this advice:

 

Whenever you feel bad about your writing and creativity, just remember this: someone invented unobtanium.

[Sky Warden 2,243]

@, an overpowered character huh? It actually depends on how realistic your character is. The main problem is that some writers don't even think about their character's back story. How they got their skill, etc. That's what actually important. Some people just add skills without considering about how did their characters get them. One simple thing to do. Track down your character's back story from the very beginning. Are his skills reasonable to have? Is it sane for a pony who has never practiced magic to cast the most powerful magic in Equestria? Just do that, for now.

 

I'm writing a long guide about character creation in the MLP Forums Proof Reader group and will post it when I'm done. It will contains some information that may help you with your problem.

[Plasmastorm X-15 162]

He's fine. Dunno bout that cape though. That cape does seem a bit OP. Plus, i'm still curious about his magical potential.

 

What about his intelligence? How smart is he?

[Dreadmallon 353]

We just keep running into each other, eh?

-For his powerlevel, I'd say make him less powerful than Cadence in terms of sheer power, but better in technique

-For the skills I'd say either give him the cape (he could have stolen it from a dragon hoard/wizard tower ect.) or the ability to shadowslip: not quite become invisible, but very hard to spot.

 

   I like the idea of him being very skilled with magic, but not that high up there. I feel it adds onto his intelligence, w/ is knowledge of spells/technique and all. I feel that's doable. However, I feel it should be noted that right now there is a part where he duels Cadance (under orders from Chrysalis; for an alliance, as New Moon feels he can't finish his goal alone), and beats her due to wits and adaption (I honestly had that planned prior to this chat).

 

   Regarding @Sky Warden's post, I honestly feel there's no reason for the cape being unbreakable. I merely thought that by letting any action moments get in between me and the story, and I regret that.

 

 

@, an overpowered character huh? It actually depends on how realistic your character is. The main problem is that some writers don't even think about their character's back story. How they got their skill, etc. That's what actually important. Some people just add skills without considering about how did their characters get them. One simple thing to do. Track down your character's back story from the very beginning. Are his skills reasonable to have? Is it sane for a pony who has never practiced magic to cast the most powerful magic in Equestria? Just do that, for now.

 

I'm writing a long guide about character creation in the MLP Forums Proof Reader group and will post it when I'm done. It will contains some information that may help you with your problem.

  

   Really? Well, I personally feel I've got the story down. It's just that I've seen the term used so much, so it really kind of pressures me to make a villain that will intersect with the main story that's threatening, but also likable by the fandom, know what I mean?

 

He's fine. Dunno bout that cape though. That cape does seem a bit OP. Plus, i'm still curious about his magical potential.

 

What about his intelligence? How smart is he?

 

   As he is not only introduced as the main villain of the arc, but also as an opposite of sorts to Twilight (I like to think of him as an alternative ending to Twilight, in a sense; meaning Twilight never had friends until told to by Celestia. Flick (New Moon) never had friends at all, except Luna, and that is his motivation, revenge for Nightmare Moon, as he is corrupted by the dark magic he set for himself in ancient times), he is also smart in the areas of magical knowledge and history, and he typically relies on thinking things out before executing. So I'd say a bit smarter than Twilight, but not much, as he's not too much older than her.

 

 

    So, I believe any extra powers New Moon gets will probably just be the fog idea, with some additional features (barely visible when close, completely ethereal (unable to touched or be touched), weak to wind), and weather manipulation. Thanks!

Edited June 10, 2013 by Alkryn

[Sky Warden 2,243]

Really? Well, I personally feel I've got the story down. It's just that I've seen the term used so much, so it really kind of pressures me to make a villain that will intersect with the main story that's threatening, but also likable by the fandom, know what I mean?

 

What? Mary Sue? Nah. Let me tell you a secret. The term Mary Sue is given to characters who sue. Know what I mean? They sue to have a freaking unbreakable cigarette which can burst eternal fire even in the water. They sue to have a pair of dragon-like wings with some pigeon feathers on its edge which glow in the dark. They sue to be a long-lost child of Celestia's parents and are related to Discord.

 

This character of yours. Does he sue? Prove that he doesn't sue. How? Give proof. What kind of proof? Tell the truth. Be realistic so people will believe you. Your character claims that he master Kung Fu Hung Gar, for example. Oh really? How? Tell us that he trained with a master for eleven years since he was ten. Is it realistic? Yes it is. Now try to explain that glowing-in-the-dark-dragon-like-wings. Can you?

 

The problem is just that. There's also another thing to note. The over-powered term is used to call a character who is worshiped by the world. Get it? The character wants to rescue Princess Luna from the moon. Tada~ Done. No challenge, no obstacle, no effort. Simply go to the moon, and done. In a realistic story, characters will meet obstacles in their road. Maybe one of them dies in the journey, and the another one who loves the dead character go crazy and try to murder the whole team. It can happen. Even though the hero is a freaking alicorn who can bend the five elements (air, earth, water, fire, and surprise), if the world is against him, he's nothing. Look at Avatar Aang, for example.

 

Opponent's hurdles wall high~

Heaven's wills be gazed at~

 

(I wrote that verse. X3)

 

What thing is more powerful than a character? The world.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Sky Warden