Roleplaying Evaluations from me!

[Inactive01 5,299]

Hello once again,

 

I had recently realized that roleplaying posts don't count because people tended to spam a lot on them as they roleplayed, unfairly adding to their post count. In order to better convince moderators that roleplaying has and will continue to improve, I have decided to post this thread. It is a fair evaluation of how well you roleplay ON THIS FORUM. Please do not fear. I will not flame you one bit. I understand that you all have a life and that you may be busy, so please don't take my comments as inflammatory to you as a person. 

 

I will evaluate you in two categories:

• Logistics: Out of 10. I will evaluate your grammar and your ability to let other people understand where the roleplay is with respect to your OC. I find that often times people get lost in a roleplay because people don't place mentions to signify that their OCs want to interact with each other. Here I will also consider how "neat" your post looks. Do you clump all your statements in a single paragraph, or do you like to spread them out, making it easier for people to read?
• Depth: Out of 30. This is a HUGE aspect to roleplaying. I'll be asking a lot of questions here as I read your roleplays. I'd like to see that your character is being developed in your own way. I'll read your OC's backstory as well. Does your character mature over the course of the roleplay? Or do you just post 200 letters all the time and then post just to keep the roleplay going? I'll also consider imagery, use of literary devices, and maybe even theme. When you all roleplay together, do you have a common theme in mind? Does your roleplay teach a lesson to everyone? Does your roleplay have unity in diversity? 

 

If you want to be evaluated, please place links to ONE roleplay that you feel best represents your roleplaying tendencies on THIS FORUM.

 

If you want your WHOLE roleplaying group to be evaluated, then please place the link to the roleplay you want me to evaluate.

 

Well then. I hope that through this thread, that you all will appreciate roleplaying as an art. Its original intention was to be fun, but you'l; have even more fun if you guys think hard about how you guys interact with each other to form a roleplaying community.  

Edited August 29, 2013 by Sterling Crimson

[Rascal~ 657]

I think that I may have a go at this.

I have 2 OC's and they are both partaking in some roleplays. I will say this, I feel more comfortable writing posts latter into the roleplays so if you think that they are clumped together at the beginning then that's just my nervousness.

This was my first ever roleplay and I play stardust, I don't come in till very late because I am a bad guy and I wasn't allowed to post till they had gotten in quite far.

http://mlpforums.com/topic/68406-the-looming-darkness/ and this is her page 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/stardust-r4020

This one is Fire sharp and I think that these two may be her best but I can't be sure.

http://mlpforums.com/topic/69360-the-forgotten-secret-doctor-who-rp/

http://mlpforums.com/topic/69962-special-ops/

and her page

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fire-sharp-r4122

though I may say that they both flesh out quite well during the roleplays themselves then in their pages.

Edited August 18, 2013 by rascal61

[LittleRawr 679]

Well, I have two RP threads from which I would like you to evaluate my roleplaying. 

 

In both of these, I use my OC Lyona. 

 

Happenings in the Everfree: This was my first time roleplaying, so if it's a bit bad that's probably the reason.

 

Happenings: A Month Later: This is the continuation of the first RP. It's Advanced too, but I had made it that way by accident  . Still, the others and I manage.

[Inactive01 5,299]

Looks like you've got a lot of roleplays under your belt . Would you like to tell me which ones you feel are your best ones?

 

@LittleRawr

Logistics: A huge pet peeve of mine is the use of run-on sentences. Run-on sentences make it so that I can speak all day without ever stopping my sentence, I still haven't ended this sentence yet by the way. Did you find the run-on sentence? Make sure you end your sentences with periods, NOT commas. You don't have too many of those, so that's a good start. Your sentences are easy to follow and I know where you're going with your character interactions. That too is good.

 

However, I still have some suggestions. First, clearly mention the username of the character you're interacting with. That way, we all know clearly who you're trying to talk to. For example, at page 6, you mentioned two ponies who you wanted to share tents with for the night. I was a bit lost as to who you were mentioning until the other two characters reacted. They knew, so that's fine. However, to make it easier, use that format without spaces [ member = '(insert username here)' ] Also, I suggest you place a new indent whenever your character is saying something. For example, instead of,

 

Lyona giggled at Silver Note's reaction. " Oh, you. But seriously, you two are sleeping in the same tent. As your commanding officer, I, uhh... command you. Just don't keep the others up at night with your shenanigans." She winked.

 

Try this: 

Lyona giggled at Silver Note's reaction.

 

"Oh, you! But seriously. You two are sleeping in the same tent. As your commanding officer, I, uhh... command you..."

 

Overall, your logistics are fine. People can understand what you're writing and it's not hard to follow.

Score: 8/10 

 

 

Depth: I find that many roleplayers fall short under this regard. Most of the time, people just post for the sake of advancing the plot. On your advanced roleplay, it got a little better, but in many cases I noticed that you just posted so that you could make the minimum. As a result, when I tried to read through the Everfree Forests' mysterious and eerie situation, I didn't really feel it. You were fortunate to have your other roleplayers help you in that regard. Let's take one of your posts and work through it. 

 

 

" You guys..." Lyona rolled her eyes. " You were supposed to sleep before the journey. I swear, ponies these days. " She muttered the last part. The raised her voice so the rest of the group could hear. " We travel by night and sleep at daytime. So if you're sleepy now, it's your fault. Let's get moving."   Lyona walked into the Everfree forest, amidst the spooky melody of the forest.

 

I read the conversation about the fact two other ponies did not get their due sleep before they visited the Everfree Forest. Yes it was there, but could you elaborate on Lyona's feelings towards them? All you say is that she rolls her eyes. How about adding a scoff at the start? Or how about writing on how annoyed she is? Maybe connect a past experience of her having to deal with lazy ponies like them and help the other roleplayers understand the frustration Lyona's going through. 

 

Also, you can stand to make the Everfree Forest more spooky. You just say it has a spooky melody. If you had elaborated on the Everfree Forests' aura of fear at a previous post, then I understand, but you didn't. Maybe at an earlier post you could post imagery... use a metaphor or two... Here's an example:

 

Lyona trotted nervously as she arrived at the infamous Everfree Forest. She surmounted a gulp when she noticed the Everfree's foreboding aura. She could see the sun just beginning to set and the night beginning to envelop them all. When the night had arrived, she could instantly hear whines and chortles of all kinds. It was just as she feared. The animals were really packing up a wallop as soon as the night arrived. It was a mystery that she and her friends had to solve, even at a great cost... she had to do it for Princess Celestia and Ponyville! They all were counting on them!"

 

That's just an example though. Every person's got their own style! Why don't you try and experiment with some of your other posts?

 

Score: Since it was your first roleplay, I'll let it slide. You did slightly better in the advanced roleplay where we delved briefly into Lyona's thoughts of guilt and worry as she was reunited with her friends. As such, my score for you is a 20/30.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LittleRawr 679]

@@Sterling Crimson,

 

Thanks! I knew that something was wrong with how I wrote out stuff. I just couldn't place exactly what was wrong. 

 

You hit all the weak points of my roleplaying. I knew that there were somewhere, but I just couldn't place where. Thank-you again, hopefully I'll be able to improve from this

[Shift 4,272]

Let's see...

 

I normally use my OC Assurance. I haven't used her in a while, but that's because I haven't been to a lot of RP's lately.

 

Friendship is Way Past Cool 2

The Scattered Elements

[Inactive01 5,299]

 

Let me begin by saying what an amazing roleplay group you have. If you really want to learn how to roleplay really well, try learning from them. Nonetheless, you should also seek to find your own style of roleplaying as you progress from here.

 

Logistics: Good start by separating quotations from expositions. That's what authors do as well. It makes it easier to see whether it's you describing what happens or Assurance speaking to another character. Your grammar is also top notch. Not many run on sentences. Just the occasional typo really. Don't worry. I make them myself, but that's where the benefit of editing comes in! If it ever so happens you decide to reread your posts, then you'll notice typos. There's your chance of fixing it!

 

Other than that, not much to say here. You mention which character you're posting as in your first roleplay which is great. I still suggest adding mentions to the other users so you know who you're trying to talk to. Also, you stopped placing quotations on indents on your second roleplay. Keep that up!

       Score: 9/10

 

Depth: First off, I checked the roleplay featuring you acting as Fluttershy and Trixie. I'm liking what you did with Trixie when she interacts with Twilight. It clearly shows her internal struggle against Twilight and shows that she still wants to be better than her. 

 

However, I'm a bit more concerned with what little you're doing with Fluttershy. Here's an example:

 

 

Fluttershy was hiding behind a cloud, whimpering at that weird thing in the sky.

She was hiding behind a cloud... where was she before that? You only posted once in an entire roleplay page, so I would suggest you add a reminder post of where Fluttershy was before hiding behind the cloud. Also, she was whimpering at that weird thing in the sky. I know it was slime, and you did a good job conveying her fears. She would only think it's a weird thing, so that's definitely within her. Maybe you could have played around with her fear a little bit. Maybe add the following to the quote:

 

"What could it possibly be? It was something entirely foreign to her. Sure there were many foreign things over at the Everfree Forest, but nothing was as weird as this. Fluttershy could barely make out the thing as she whimpered in the white cloud."

 

As you can see, consider thinking what Fluttershy would think. As she whimpers, what's on her mind? Roleplaying isn't just about what the character's doing, but also what the character's thinking. You don't have to directly type what the character's thinking, but you can stand to describe in a similar way to what I did. However, that is up to you. If you have your own way of describing what you think Fluttershy's thinking, by all means go for it!

 

Also, I noticed this for both characters: that when your character isn't talking with someone, that you don't delve too deeply into their character. The more common problem's the other way around. People delve deep into a character's thoughts, but struggle when they try to interact with other characters, focusing on the conversations and not the thought processes within the conversation as well. When you're not interacting with another character, just ask things like, "What's my character doing now?" or "What would she be thinking after a conversation and why?" Better yet, consider how the environment or interaction directly affects her emotions and thought processes. It really provides a crap load of depth and material for a character to grow through a roleplay. 

 

I can see that the first roleplay hasn't ended yet, so you can still consider all I wrote above! Keep in mind how your character can mature over time too! Nonetheless, you are controlling Fluttershy and Trixie, so it would be slightly harder to do so out of fear that you would stray away from canon. You're doing good becoming their character, but get creative with their think tanks! What are they thinking? 

 

The second roleplay you're involved with has the same issues, but with even shorter posts. What I have above is just an idea of the questions you should be asking yourself as you roleplay. It adds a whole new element to your character and allows roleplaying to be that much more fun.

        Score: 21/30

 

 

[GreyScholar 1,584]

Here's a link to my Equestria Divided roleplay before we move to a different site. This will not only show you my roleplaying ability but my ability to run a roleplay... admittingly because how large it was I actually delegated much of that to others but still.

 

http://mlpforums.com/topic/51728-equestria-divided-roleplay/

[Inactive01 5,299]

@EquestrianScholar

Oh man... do you want me to read the whole roleplay or do you wish for me to focus on your posts? Because that's a lot of reading for me... What I would do in an evaluation is take snippets of the roleplay you're involved in and provide feedback there. Is that ok?

[GreyScholar 1,584]

Yes that is okay, I was not expecting you to read the whole thing. Just read my posts and see how it flows with the roleplay.

[Shift 4,272]

@@Sterling Crimson, 

 

The second Rp is old. Like really old. My most current one is the FIWPC, and this other RP that is in the EQW, but I'm not sure if EQW rp's count.

Edited August 18, 2013 by Shifting Gears

[Inactive01 5,299]

 

I noticed that FIWPC started in 2012, while your second roleplay was started in February 2013. But yeah. My advice still applies anyway.

[Shift 4,272]

@@Sterling Crimson,

 

FIWPC is still going on, so...whatever

 

But still, yep, your advice does still apply. Thanks for the review, Crimson! I'll put this in mind when writing up posts.

[Inactive01 5,299]

@EquestrianScholar

(OOC: I feel humble to have been asked to review your roleplaying abilities. I heard about your roleplay, Equestria Divided, from all my friends. They talked about how well you organized everything. That should already set a precedent of your abilities. Just from reading your first post I can already see the division that hovers over Equestria...)

 

Logistics: From reading your first post, I noticed run on sentences. They're not good habits to have unfortunately. I know it's grammatical, but placing periods at the end of sentences really helps to prevent a sentence from dragging on for so long. Here's an example:

 

 

 

The eyes gazed at the pony standing outside the door, rather narrowed, then the panel slid shut.

 

 

Those commas, especially the last one. You can reword that into this:

"The rather narrowed eyes gazed at the pony standing outside the door. Then the panel slid shut (insert metaphor here)."

 

There's been quite a few of those around. Changing them allows sentences to flow better without letting it drag for so long. That's why I never really liked run on sentences and strive to never have them in any of my posts. I would also like to add that you should keep your tenses consistent. Here's an example: 

 

 

Though he did not do so often he sighs and said to his young student, "Now, now, no need to give me that look and calm yourself... you don't want ponies asking questions do you." As he says this last eyes move from Spell's to her hirn for a moment as he says quietly to Eternity as he walked by, "do not worry yourself about the moot of magic."   Walking up to Spell he says calmly, "did you forget anything, hopefully not your astronomy homework as I need you to keep up even though we are going on a journey." Lifting her chin up and bit he says giving her an amused smile, "also please don't embarress me or draw the Archmagister's attention, you know how she doesn't like having her plans go wary."   Once finished he turned back to Eternity and says getting to what he had said, "Oh not at all, as I am no specter, my name is Silver Swirl one of the Archmagister's head researchers nothing more and nothing less. Even I try to stay out of the Archmagister's way and keep to my research and studies."   With a small smile and a shake of his head he continues,"on what the Archmagister has plan I believe I know as much as you at the moment, the letter that was sent to each of us. Yet I suspect she will be revealing her purpose to us when she is ready."

 

 

You notice how you switched from "says" to "said" halfway through your post? I suggest you keep things in the past tense. When I roleplay, I say it as if the events already happened and that I'm explaining what happened to the readers. It's your call; I just wanted to add a personal opinion to tenses.

 

Other than that, the way you get everyone to post in a certain format belies a very organized roleplay in general. Everyone's contributing to the roleplay and there is a clear sense of direction towards war, towards a struggle both external and internal, and of emptiness. What used to be is no more. The Mane 6 are now warring among themselves. A very sad situation, but a very well-thought out story for the logistics.

          Score: 9/10

 

Depth: Hmm... What makes you stand out from other roleplayers is that your expositions into the character's actions are great. They're much more detailed than many other roleplayers I've seen about the forums. With your character interactions (ie quotations) you also help to advance the story without having to explain it using narration, which can be quite a waste of words for a VERY advanced and overarching roleplay like yours. This characteristic is very important for a leader like you. And you do it well, keeping everyone else in tune with the story without the need for explanation. 

 

However, your characters' mental development is not brought into light. It's probably because it's the early going, but that's the impression I'm getting. You create the personal feelings when you're interacting with other characters, but it really doesn't come to light when the characters are on their own. However, I won't dock too much on that because you've got a lot of work to do just to advance the plot. There needs to be some sacrifice going on so that everyone else can advance the roleplay in the right direction. Nonetheless, it's something you should definitely consider because your other roleplayers aren't doing that either. If you want an example, let's put it this way. I don't want to mess up the plot that you posed at the roleplay and reading the entire section to understand everyone's content at an advanced roleplay is a HUGE challenge.

         Score: 24/30

[GreyScholar 1,584]

I'm glad I left a such an impression and for you kind words but I can't take full credit for the first post as that was the collaborative effort of myself and those I setup to run each faction. I had them create the initial scenario for each faction while I put it all together and made sure that it would be a memorable start.

 

Also in this roleplay I setup Mythos Gray differently, having him be one of six antagonists calling themselves the Six Gifted with his name being the Storyteller. His function in this group was to gather information on the five Houses and the Cult by taking on personas and essential becoming a different pony. This though I had affect the Storyteller very strongly. It actually being a bit of a painful process to become himself again and my plan was that he'd have something on identity crisis as all his characters personalities vide for control... even his own appearance being unsteady for a minute or two after transformation. The Gifted being the Composer (the leader and master planner), the Musician (the second in command and loyal twin brother), the Artist (the must insane of the six and that's saying something), the Dancer (deadly graceful fighter), the Singer (her voice affecting the minds and hearts of others no matter language).

Edited August 19, 2013 by EquestrianScholar

[Inactive01 5,299]

Ok! I'm reviving this thread! If any of you want roleplaying advice/evaluations, this is the thread! By the way, I'll be changing this from 2 RPs to 1 RP. I find that reading just one RP is already very comprehensive of your roleplaying habits and tendencies.