Some advice for my fanfic series premise?

[Double Jump 9]

A couple weeks ago, in an unexpected rush of inspiration, I came up with the outline for a seven book fimfiction series. I'm already 11,000 words into the first book and I expect it to end up being a little over 15,000 words. Last few days though, I've had some writer's block, but I think it's because I'm too unsure of how people will react to my work. Please tell me what you think from my vague descriptions:

 

-It's an adventure series about a 23 year old human boy from our universe (but without the existence of the MLP franchise) getting sucked into Ponyville after the events in Equestria Girls. Our world is not the same as the Equestria Girls world because they just exist separately.

 

-I gave the boy a backstory to make him smart and socially awkward, but he's supposed to be a role for readers to easily slip into. He's not a blank slate, but I think most bronies could see themselves in him.

 

-Double Jump, my pony OC will be a character at some point!

 

-The fic shouldn't conflict with future show canon as long as I upload the first couple books (at most) before the Season 4 premier. However, my fic is based on my interpretations of the show so far; i.e. I think the mane 6 are currently the Earth equivalent of 25-26 years old, and were about 22-24 when the show first started.

 

-While there are occasional "shippings" between different characters throughout the series, it's not a romance per se. The series is mostly about adventure and will not have any explicit sex or gore.

 

-The fic is intended to explore some of the more advanced themes within the show more deeply. Particularly, the differences between Earth and Equestria and how the boy learns to like pony society more than his own. I think some of these subtle themes contribute to why we bronies/pegasisters like MLP as much as we do.

 

Whew, this post took a while to finish!

[Display Name 448]

Oh dear baby jesus.

 

Not another Human in Equestria FanFic.

I'm not against you, nor your story. 

 

But could you have thought of something a little more..you know..different?

And please, i hope you didn't do a 'self-insert' either. (if you did, you dun-goofed)

If you did, you should expect a heavy load of hate.

 

Anyways, good luck with your FanFic.

Edited September 7, 2013 by KToadstool

[--Thunder Bolt-- 534]

I'm not sure what your question is (what you need advice for).  What are you having problems with?

 

Somewhat off topic: your description made me think of the start of the Harry Potter series.  Aaaaand, then my twisted mind went off on its own little tangent...  Letters appearing in puffs of belch-scented green smoke inviting Harry to the Canterlot Academy of Unicorn Magic, and his Muggle guardians' mean and desperate attempts to keep him trapped in their world.  Finally they flee to an isolated cabin on a rock outcropping on a stormy night.  Then...the rain turns to chocolate, and Discord breaks in, doing a Hagrid impersonation.

 

"Yer a unicorn, Harry!"

 

"What."

 

"Yer a unicorn!  An' a right good one too, I expect.  Did ye get yer letter from Celestia?"

 

"Celestia?"

 

"Oi, ye don't know who Celestia is?!" Discord says, his red eyes giving the Dursleys a menacing glare.  "Bloody Muggles!  Celestia is the Princess of Equestria!  Great alicorn, Celestia..."

[Sneaky 54]

You didn't say you were a new writer but I'm just going to assume you are because you're asking for help here.

 

As much as people like to hate on HiE and pony OCs, I'd say you're on the right track. A few things I'd just like to point out are that, for one, you're planning on making a fanfic that's seven books long. Realistically speaking, neither you nor your audience will probably have the attention span required for that, so just compact it. Plots and arcs can be shortened into subplots and plots, making more happen in a shorter amount of time.

 

Secondly, only one fuck can be given about your audience. I'm saying that when you feel it's right, listen to what your readers tell you, as they've obviously read what you have to write and can tell you some useful info, but don't constantly worry about what everyone's thinking. It'll make you too nervous to enjoy writing, thus reducing either the quality or quantity of your fic. Remember: you're writing for your own entertainment, with the audience being a bonus. Also, attention-whoring is bad. Attention whores are like wet dog crap; they stink, and because of this, are easy to find. Don't be an attention whore.

 

Lastly, get a proofreader. I can guarantee that you're going to get writer's blindness, which will render you unable to see shittons of mistakes you make. A proofreader's second opinion will help you find these mistakes.

 

And really, I'm kind of disappointed by any negative responses to this thread. You don't even give this guy a chance, and you're ragging on him already. Don't negate, offer advice in a positive or neutral way.

[--Thunder Bolt-- 534]

And really, I'm kind of disappointed by any negative responses to this thread. You don't even give this guy a chance, and you're ragging on him already. Don't negate, offer advice in a positive or neutral way.

 

I hope my post didn't convey the impression that I was ragging on [edit: her] or critical of [her] fanfic, since that wasn't my intention. Without reading the fanfic (no link), I couldn't think of any good advice (you managed though ), since I didn't know what was holding [her] up.

Edited September 7, 2013 by Roko's Basilisk

[Sneaky 54]

I hope my post didn't convey the impression that I was ragging on him or critical of his fanfic, since that wasn't my intention. Without reading the fanfic (no link), I couldn't think of any good advice (you managed though ), since I didn't know what was holding him up.

Nah, man, it wasn't you. I was referring to an "Oh dear baby Jesus. Not another human in Equestria fanfic." No names, since it's not good to single people out like that

[Double Jump 9]

 

 

You don't even give this guy a chance, and you're ragging on him already.

 

 

 

I hope my post didn't convey the impression that I was ragging on him or critical of his fanfic, since that wasn't my intention. Without reading the fanfic (no link), I couldn't think of any good advice (you managed though ), since I didn't know what was holding him up.

 

You guys know I'm a girl, right?

 

Anyway, I can see why my fic comes off as similar to Harry Potter, but that's coincidental. It's actually more inspired by GentlemanJ's "The Journey of Graves," just with mostly pony characters. By no means is this a self insert, but I put a little bit of myself in every character to make the flow of their conversations smoother. The human boy character is loosely based on my brother because to me, he embodies many of the traits for what I think of a brony.

 

Sorry if I'm coming off as an attention seeker. The reason I'm posting is because I'm aware that my fic is a tad cliche. I'm sure a lot of us have imagined ourselves in Equestria, so my series is inteded to give my readers a semi-believable adventure for them to explore. Since this is the first time I've ever tried creative writing, I'm wondering if you can tell me how to avoid the common pitfalls found in these types of fanfics.

 

Also, if I'm in the wrong forum, what's the more appropriate place to seek this kind of advice?

[Feather Gem 965]

Psh.

Don't worry about it.

Don't bother about the readers.  Just write.  If you're a good writer, and your story is interesting enough, someone is bound to like it.  But someone is probably bound to hate it considering what it is.  (probably before they bothered to read it)

I'm writing a HiE story as well, although the concept is a bit complex.  All I know is that I like it, and that's good enough for me.

Fanfictions are for practicing writing really.  Practicing storytelling and having fun.

[Double Jump 9]

 

 

If you're a good writer, and your story is interesting enough, someone is bound to like it. But someone is probably bound to hate it considering what it is. (probably before they bothered to read it) I'm writing a HiE story as well, although the concept is a bit complex. All I know is that I like it, and that's good enough for me.

 

Thanks Feather Gem! It seems so simple, but this actually makes me feel a lot better. Do you post on Fimfiction? Please let me know when yours is finished. If it's not too long (like 100,000 words), I'll definitely want to check it out!

[Sneaky 54]

You guys know I'm a girl, right?

 

Anyway, I can see why my fic comes off as similar to Harry Potter, but that's coincidental. It's actually more inspired by GentlemanJ's "The Journey of Graves," just with mostly pony characters. By no means is this a self insert, but I put a little bit of myself in every character to make the flow of their conversations smoother. The human boy character is loosely based on my brother because to me, he embodies many of the traits for what I think of a brony.

 

Sorry if I'm coming off as an attention seeker. The reason I'm posting is because I'm aware that my fic is a tad cliche. I'm sure a lot of us have imagined ourselves in Equestria, so my series is inteded to give my readers a semi-believable adventure for them to explore. Since this is the first time I've ever tried creative writing, I'm wondering if you can tell me how to avoid the common pitfalls found in these types of fanfics.

 

Also, if I'm in the wrong forum, what's the more appropriate place to seek this kind of advice?

 

*facepalm* Why do I assume that everyone on the internet is male? (Not counting the duck-human hybrids on Facebook)

 

No, no, you're not coming off as an attention seeker. It's just that once you start writing a fic that gets attention, it can turn into a greed thing. (I want MOAR!!)

 

And technically, you're not in the wrong forum. It's just that I've never found this place very useful when it comes to fic critique, or the like. This right here is one of the best advice threads I've ever seen. https://mlpchan.net/fic/res/3348.html#3348

 

I would suggest you go there noaw.

Edited September 7, 2013 by Sneaky

[Feather Gem 965]

Thanks Feather Gem! It seems so simple, but this actually makes me feel a lot better. Do you post on Fimfiction? Please let me know when yours is finished. If it's not too long (like 100,000 words), I'll definitely want to check it out!

That's wonderful that it made you feel better Makes me happy.

I do.  But I think this Fanfic might take...a while.  xD

I do have a different fanfic though!  A short one!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/116123/promise-me

(I...I do like to get readers xD)

But you don't have to read it.  Just...leaving it there. 

Anyway, good luck on your fanfiction.  I don't read fanfiction, but I'd love to see how you do in the end!

[Silverhoof 2,840]

Don't let the neighsayers get you down. Write what YOU want. I wrote a chapter of shameless self insert, human-in-Equestria fan fic, and I got nothing but praise for it.

http://mlpforums.com/topic/4032-mirror-image-a-human-in-equestria/

like the above post, you don't have to read it, its just there.

 

Personally, I like self inserts.

[--Thunder Bolt-- 534]

You guys know I'm a girl, right?

 

*facepalm*  Sorry!  I just blindly followed Sneaky into referring to you as "him" instead of clicking your profile to check first.  As someone who identifies as a feminist, I should have known better.  Also, the gender of your protagonist lulled me into the assumption--which was not terribly rational of me, seeing as I'm a male and almost always write female protagonists.   Anyway, my apologies.

 

 

Anyway, I can see why my fic comes off as similar to Harry Potter, but that's coincidental. It's actually more inspired by GentlemanJ's "The Journey of Graves," just with mostly pony characters.

 

Well, Harry Potter is an exemplar of a pretty popular sub-genre: young person who doesn't fit in or is otherwise unhappy in the Real World gets yoinked off to a wondrous magical (or technological) realm where they do belong.  Examples include: The Chronicles of Narnia, The Last Starfighter, Peter Pan, and The Never-Ending Story.  The Transformers movie franchise is pretty much the same thing, except that the mountain comes to Mohammad (the fantasy-world of giant warrior robots comes to the protagonist's world instead of him going to theirs).  Fanfic writers didn't invent this idea, by a long shot.  So, I don't think it's quite fair to single out writers of HiE fanfics for bashing.

 

I haven't read "The Journey of Graves," so I can't comment on that.

 

By no means is this a self insert, but I put a little bit of myself in every character to make the flow of their conversations smoother. The human boy character is loosely based on my brother because to me, he embodies many of the traits for what I think of a brony.

 

Sorry if I'm coming off as an attention seeker. The reason I'm posting is because I'm aware that my fic is a tad cliche. I'm sure a lot of us have imagined ourselves in Equestria, so my series is inteded to give my readers a semi-believable adventure for them to explore. Since this is the first time I've ever tried creative writing, I'm wondering if you can tell me how to avoid the common pitfalls found in these types of fanfics.

 

Also, if I'm in the wrong forum, what's the more appropriate place to seek this kind of advice?

 

I don't think you come off as an attention seeker.  The thought never occurred to me.   I haven't read many pony fanfics so my knowledge of pitfalls specific to that sub-genre is limited.  Here's my idea of some "don'ts" and some things you might want to try:

 

Don't make your character turn out to be the Chosen One, the long-awaited Bearer of the Seventh Element of Harmony, who was foretold in prophecy to come, save Equestria, and marry [Celestia/Luna/Twilight/Rainbow Dash/Pinkie Pie/all five].

 

Don't make all the good characters adore him and all the bad characters hate him.  When writers do this, it makes their protagonist the center of the story's moral universe, which causes eye-rolling and groans in the audience.  The other characters in the story should not act as if it's All About Him.  Realistically, each one goes through life as if they're the main character of their own life-story.

 

Don't make him irresistibly romantically attractive; that's a sure sign of an authorwank character.  I'm looking at you, Bond, James Bond.

 

Don't make him infallibly right.  He's going on a classic Campbellian Hero's Journey.  He should learn something, grow, change, and become a better person for it.  "Dear Princess Celestia..."

 

Don't make things too easy for him.  If he turns into a unicorn, he should have to put in a lot of hard work and study before he achieves anything approaching Twilight's level of magical mastery.  If he becomes an earth pony, he should have the Devil's own time trying to figure out how to get the apples to land in the buckets.

 

Try to break the pattern.  Lots of bronies fantasize about going to Equestria, expecting it to be non-stop awesome.  You could find dramatic hooks in all the ways it might not be.  Maybe the ponies find the human form hideous (our tiny little eyes, monochrome manes, limbs with joints in the wrong places that bend the wrong way, creepy tendriled forelimbs [hands], the downright unnatural way we totter around on our hind legs, and our excessive use of decidedly non-fabulous clothing, etc.).  Maybe he liked Rainbow Dash as a character on the show, but after encountering her in real life, he decides she's an over-competitive prick, and has to work to get along with her (like Rarity and Applejack do when they sleep over at Twilight's).  Maybe he has to struggle with feeling even more awkward than he does at school, as the only human in a world built around small equines.

 

Aside: has anyone written an HiE fanfic where the protagonist hates bronies?

 

Try to find interesting and unusual ways to use canon, and your character's responses to it.  My favorite candidate for Best Fanfic of All Time is Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.  In this story, Harry was not raised by the Dursleys.  Instead, Petunia married a science professor, and Harry is a brilliant child prodigy raised with an intense enthusiasm for science.  So, when he has his first encounter with the Wizarding World, in the form of Professor McGonagall levitating his father and turning into a cat, he freaks right the hell out.  He turns out not to be a fan of Quidditch because the Golden Snitch "violates every sensible rule of game design."  The scene in which he tries to explain this to Ron, after Ron explains Quidditch to him, is quite funny.  Harry-the-scientist is a great foil for the peculiarities of the magical world, and he brings his own full compliment of peculiarities to match.

 

Try to make sure that the obstacles your character faces are at least as souped-up as he is relative to canon.  "You can't make Frodo a Jedi, unless you give Sauron the Death Star."  If the Diamond Dogs attack Equestria, and your character comes with the knowledge of how to make gunpowder and cyanide gas from his chemistry class, and modern military tactics from being a history and/or wargaming geek, the Diamond Dogs should have some advantages that equal or exceed the protagonist's.

 

Try to find interesting "what if's" you can use for plot purposes.  What if your character thought that "Too Many Pinkie Pies" was a funny episode and could overlook the issue of Twilight "killing" the Pinkie clones when it was a kids' cartoon, but feels completely different when he finds himself face to face with Twilight in real life?  What if he starts trying to find out why there are so few stallions relative to mares, and discovers that the answer is much more disturbing than he expected?  What if he cant' stand clopfics...but finds himself falling in love with a pony?  What would Poison Joke do to a human?  What if, instead of becoming a pony, he becomes a sheep?  What if his attitude as a brony is "Oh, dear baby Jesus, not another Humans in Equestria fanfic!"...then he finds himself living it?

 

Whelp, that's all I can think of for now.  If I come up with anything more, I'll post again.

That's wonderful that it made you feel better Makes me happy.

I do.  But I think this Fanfic might take...a while.  xD

I do have a different fanfic though!  A short one!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/116123/promise-me

 

OK, this?  This was awesome.  This, right here, is what a canon-compliant fanfic should be.  It reminds me a bit of another one I read about Twilight getting old, and starting to suffer from pony Alzheimer's.  Sad. 

[Double Jump 9]

 

 

Whelp, that's all I can think of for now. If I come up with anything more, I'll post again.

 

That was amazing advice! Here's some additional details that I hope are relieving:

 

He stays human when he goes to Equestria, but his aesthetic changes to fit into the world's style. Don't worry, he's not "The Chosen One/Seventh Element" and he starts off pretty weak and unattractive. However, he is sucked into Equestria for a weird reason that exclusively applies to him. There's a decent balance for every character to be important. His adventure is very difficult and sometimes the "good" characters are unhappy with him, while "bad" characters respect and try to gain from him. I don't make him morally wrong and he's already smart/mature, but he's borderline socially incapable in Equestria and almost never solves conflicts by himself.

 

Hopefully my bro's not too offended with me basing the main character off of him (BTW, he's my editor)! Anyways, I'm off to finish this thing!

[Sneaky 54]

he's borderline socially incapable in Equestria

That's how you see your brother? XD

 

Truthfully, I'd like to see how you pull this off. Normally, I'd think it would be hard to add content to a story centered around a recluse, but then again, Twilight Sparkle.

 

Are you posting on fimfiction? Send me a link when you have the first chapter out, I'm curious.