adventure RUN-A My Little Pony FanFiction written by me

[Null_account 144]

Heeellloo!!! I'm new to The MLP forums and decided to post my fanfiction, RUN.

 

 

 

Description:

And what are the odds that I would fall again,

to a world that's not my own?

And what are the odds that through it all, again,

I could find myself alone?

Jackal is a normal unicorn in Ponyville. Well, until she realizes that she has the power to go into other dimensions. But she has no control over it. She basically falls into them. So now she's running.

 

And you can't hold me down!

I'll watch the stars come out!

Above this breaking ground,

I'm holding on, for now!

I'm holding on, for now...

Song that inspired me to write this I recommend listening to it while reading:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAvonbFAKvQ

 

 

RUN

 

 

Chapter One

 

September 20

  My name is Jackal. I'm a normal unicorn in Ponyville. I guess you want a description of what I look like? Ok, fine. I'm  dark blue. I have minty green eyes. My mane and tail are black and white. My cutie mark is a black cross thing with a circle around it. Not sure what it means. There. Is that what you want? What? More description? No.

Anyways, my life is pretty normal. I just started going to Ponyville High. But there's one thing that isn't normal about me. My cutie mark. Nopony, including me, knows what it means. I tried Googling it and everything, but I didn't find the information I needed. Sometimes ponies make funof me for it, but not often. I guess I'll figure it out someday.

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My alarm clock went off at 6:30 this morning, as usual. I rummaged through my dresser for something to wear. I settled for a small blue bracelet. I swung open my door and trotted downstairs. When I walked into the kitchen, Mom was making breakfast. She was making apple fritters! No wonder, It was my first day of school at Ponyville High. I sat down at the table and waited for Mom to finish.

Finally, Mom finished cooking. She placed the fritters on the plate, gave us each a plate, and sat down. I gratefully grabbed a fritter off the plate and put it on mine. I wolfed it down in less than 5 minutes.

"Wow! You really were hungry!" Mom said.

I smiled. "Yep."

Mom looked at the clock. "Better get your saddle bag ready. The bus will come soon."

I nodded. "OK." I trotted into the guest room and picked up my saddle bag. I placed it on my back and walked back into the kitchen. "Ready."

The bus came a few minutes later. I nodded a "Bye." to  my Mom and galloped out the door. I made it on the bus just in time. I was the second to last stop. Next up was Diamond Tiara's. I groaned. I hated dealing with her. I plopped into a seat in the front, since the back was "reserved for Cool and Popular Kids Only." When we made it to Diamond Tiara's stop, I tried hiding my face in my book so she didn't see me watching. When Diamond Tiara strode in, I stuffed my face so deep in my book I think that I broke my muzzle. Silver Spoon left Diamond Tiara long ago in Elementary School to be her own Pony, so Diamond Tiara was the most popular, mean and annoying pony in School. Unfortunately, Diamond Tiara saw me and snickered. Instead of what I had expected, she just muttered "Dork" under her breath. I didn't stop holding my breath until Diamond Tiara got to the back. I took my face out of my book and read normally.

I trotted into the halls of PonyVille High. It was HUGE! Ponies roamed the halls in large streams. A few classrooms where in between large walls of lockers. Not to mention the size of the lockers. I took the piece of paper with my locker number and combination out of  my saddle bag. I levitated it with my magic and slowly walked to my locker as I counted the numbers.

123,127, 234, AHA! 134. I put the slip of paper back into my saddle bag and started to do my combination. The locker swung open fast and the edge hit my head.

"OOOWWW!!" I yelped as I fell backwards.

"Woah there!" I heard a voice say behind me. I froze. I had landed on somepony. After I got back on my hooves and shook my head to clear my massive headache, I saw a stallion in front of me. His fur was a brilliant golden color, his mane sleek and black. HIs tail made a cute curve at the edge and shone like his mane. His violet gaze met mine.

"I-I am so sorry!" I sputtered.

"No problem." He said shrugging it off. I just stood there looking at him and blushing profusely for a while. Then he finally gave one last smile and a shrug and trotted off. I quickly turned back to my locker. My heart was racing. I was pretty sure that I had a crush.

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Later that day at lunch, I met up with my friends Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Silver Spoon. If you're wondering, SIlver Spoon is our friend now because she broke up with Diamond Tiara and became a lot nicer. Anyways, Scootaloo told me that she saw me and that stallion in the hallway. I blushed.

"You totally have a crush on him, Jacky!"

"No I don't, Scootaloo! It was just, sudden, that's all. And I was stunned from I don't know, getting hit in the head from a locker!"

"Yeah sure." I rolled my eyes. Sometimes, my friends could be annoying.

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After school, I waited at the front of the school for my bus. Once it came, I climbed on and plopped into my usual spot in the front next to Sweetie Belle. When Diamond Tiara passed, it was the same as this morning.

Weird, I thought.

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When I got home, Mom was still at work and had left a note on the fridge.

 

Dear Jacky, It read. I

I have an emergency meeting at work and won't be home until late. You can take some apples or a sandwich from the fridge for dinner. I'll be home.

Love,

Mom

I sighed and grabbed an apple from the fridge for a snack. I trotted up to my room and sat down on my bed. I read until I had to do my homework. Then I went to bed.

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I didn't think I was tired, but eventually, my eyelids grew heavy and I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up in a dark room. I was standing on some sort of conference table, tied up.. Dark shapes of ponies surrounded me. I looked down. Lying down and in front of me was my mom. A cut had been made in her forehead. Blood trickled down her face and onto her muzzle. I tried to scream, but a gag stopped me from talking.

"We've been waiting for you." One of the dark shapes said in a gravelly voice. It was a stallion. In fact, all of the shapes were stallions. The glistening shape of a knife was in one of their mouths. The all inched toward me. My eyes widened in terror. Suddenly, the floor fell below me. I screamed. I was now free of the gag and was no longer tied up. I fell on a black rocky substance. I opened my eyes, but all I could see was darkness. Suddenly, a bright flash of light hit my mint green eyes. The last I saw was a black cross with sharpened edges and dotted circles in and around it. My cutie mark.

 

 

RUN

 

 

Chapter Two

 

   I woke with a start. I screamed uncontrollably. I put my hooves over my mouth.

It wasn't real. It was just a dream. I thought.

"Jacky?" I heard my mom's voice say from downstairs. "Are you okay?"

"Mom!" I cried. I trotted downstairs. I ran to her. She was wearing her apron and was already cooking breakfast. Her black muzzle was caked in flour. Her bright yellow mane was messy. The bags underneath her sky blue eyes were heavy with sleep. A gave her a hard hug.

"Well, you seem happy to see me!" She mused.

I released my grip.

"Sorry, Mom. I just had a crazy dream about you."

"Huh." Mom said. "I just had a crazy dream about YOU."

"Weird." I stated. I looked up at Mom's face. To my surprise, she had parted her mane that the left side of her messy yellow mane covered the left side of the face. I shakily raised my hoof and lifted the left side of her mane. I gasped. There was a small slit of a scar underneath the mangy, dirt covered hair.

"M-Mom, where did you get this?!" I sputtered. I could barely breathe. This was exactly where the cut was in my dream.

My mom stepped back and brushed her mane back over her face. "Oh, that? It's nothing. I just... hit my head, that's all." She forced a smile.

"Mom, that's really deep. And that's not a bruise. That's a scar." I stuttered.

"I hit it on a table, and the edge was sharp. Please just be quiet ok?!" She snapped. But then she saw the hurt expression on my face and the softness returned to her eyes. "I'm sorry, honey. I just didn't want you to be worried. Now, please just wait at the table for breakfast."

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[Proton 565]

Well, it's better than what I expected. I'm not really a fan of OCs being friends with canon characters, but it feels almost natural in your story. Almost.

Tips:

Do not use the same word more than one time in a sentence, as in "When Diamond Tiara strode in, I stuffed my face so deep in my book I think that I broke my muzzle. Silver Spoon left Diamond Tiara long ago in Elementary School to be her own Pony, so Diamond Tiara was the most popular, mean and annoying pony in School. Unfortunately, Diamond Tiara saw me and snickered." See all of those Diamond Tiaras? Well, it doesn't look too good. Try replacing them with "she", for example.

 

Other than that, it's pretty good and nicely written. Bonus points for originality.

[Null_account 144]

Thanks! And yes, I'll work on that. o.O