adventure Finished!

[Corded Gaming 0]

So here is the latest update.

Finished part one! Yeah! Now I have my long term goals for the story so enjoy!

So see ya and have fun on the inerwebs!

My Fan Fiction.docx

Edited December 20, 2014 by Corded Gaming

[IRegretThisWholePartOfM 58]

I like it, could use a bit more backstory, but since its a start, i like it, hope to see more of it in the future

[Corded Gaming 0]

Thanks Soren. If you have any suggestions could you lend me a hoof. Available via skype until around a while after 3:30. So just call me for any suggestions.I'm open to suggestions.

[chanseychansey77 7]

Hello, Corded Gaming! I'm here to help you with your stuff.

 

First off, I notice you chose to write your story as a "script fic". This is a choice that affects how you need to convey information heavily, so make sure you follow a couple rules: make sure your dialogue has a lot of thought put into it, and that it is entertaining, because it comprises the grand majority of your writing. This means things like punctuation, and words with connotation are even more important.

 

In a script fic, you can't simply write a sentence explaining exactly how the character is saying it, and thus how the reader is to interpret it. You'll want to use connotation to help get across what you are trying to write, without stuffing it down the reader's throats. As an example, thin and emaciated have the same definition, but thin is understood to be a positive thing, and emaciated is usually used to describe someone starving.

 

Punctuation: It's very important. Note this important comparison:

 

"Let's eat, Jane!" 

 

vs.

 

"Let's eat Jane!"

 

Very different. Pauses and small gaps in speech help communication of meaning, and many of your sentences run a bit flat.

 

Concerning your story content: It seems like the main character has access to all the magic and abilities he could ever need through the Chrono Trigger. This is concerning, because what conflict could challenge him? A story needs conflict, or there's no excitement to it. I would definitely tone down his powers. Don't worry about doing it, being challenged makes a character more interesting. Unless of course, you already had a plan for doing that.

 

In conclusion, I present to you Pixar's 22 rules of storytelling. It helps, trusts me. So, yes. Writing is hard. Editing is hard. But, keep at it. Everything worth doing is hard, and if you put in the time and effort, it can certainly become something incredible. Keep at it!

 

...I hope that helps. Lemme know if you need any help beyond what I have said.

[Corded Gaming 0]

Hello, Corded Gaming! I'm here to help you with your stuff.

 

First off, I notice you chose to write your story as a "script fic". This is a choice that affects how you need to convey information heavily, so make sure you follow a couple rules: make sure your dialogue has a lot of thought put into it, and that it is entertaining, because it comprises the grand majority of your writing. This means things like punctuation, and words with connotation are even more important.

 

In a script fic, you can't simply write a sentence explaining exactly how the character is saying it, and thus how the reader is to interpret it. You'll want to use connotation to help get across what you are trying to write, without stuffing it down the reader's throats. As an example, thin and emaciated have the same definition, but thin is understood to be a positive thing, and emaciated is usually used to describe someone starving.

 

Punctuation: It's very important. Note this important comparison:

 

"Let's eat, Jane!" 

 

vs.

 

"Let's eat Jane!"

 

Very different. Pauses and small gaps in speech help communication of meaning, and many of your sentences run a bit flat.

 

Concerning your story content: It seems like the main character has access to all the magic and abilities he could ever need through the Chrono Trigger. This is concerning, because what conflict could challenge him? A story needs conflict, or there's no excitement to it. I would definitely tone down his powers. Don't worry about doing it, being challenged makes a character more interesting. Unless of course, you already had a plan for doing that.

 

In conclusion, I present to you Pixar's 22 rules of storytelling. It helps, trusts me. So, yes. Writing is hard. Editing is hard. But, keep at it. Everything worth doing is hard, and if you put in the time and effort, it can certainly become something incredible. Keep at it!

 

...I hope that helps. Lemme know if you need any help beyond what I have said.

Thanks for your input. Here is some things that will be explained further in. 1. Matt has multiple mana pools that vary in size depending on how much mp the spell for example a smoke bomb spell would have a smaller mana pool than transformation magic. 2. The amount of mana used depends on the complexity and the strength of the spell. example: a teleportation spell from one side of the world to another would use more mana than a teleportation spell to the next room. Matt has some limitations too. 1: he doesn't know all the magic types. 2:He is able to maintain a disguise for at least 24 hours, but he does need to return to his usual form for at least 1 hour. 3: lastly he still has a lot to learn about Equestria, although he is based off of me (how he knows who Twilight is but doesn't want to say) he doesn't know all the lore and is still lacking in the knowledge of why his magic has become so explosive there unlike in his world. So like I said it's still WIP so I'll work on it first chance I get.